Christmas Memories

Now that Christmas Day 2009 is behind us, I've been traveling down memory lane.....reflecting on Christmases past that have left a significant imprint. This particular Christmas will certainly be part of the list, but more about that later.

I remember Christmas 1971.....our first Christmas, the year before we married. Al gave me a jewelry box, one of those that sits on top of the dresser and has lots of drawers. And he put a little gift in each drawer :) I think that even back before the world had been introduced to the "five love languages" he somehow understood that my love language is gifts! 1972 was our first "married Christmas". We had a beautiful tree, a Scotch pine decorated (very sparsely!) with ornaments and lights purchased at the previous year's after-Christmas sale! I still remember that tree as one of the most beautiful we ever had. The other memory of that year is that by Christmas day there were no gifts left under the tree. We had opened them all already!!

I remember Christmas 1975 as not only our first-born's first Christmas but as the year my mother-in-law had cancer surgery on Christmas Eve. Thankfully, she is a cancer survivor and still with us! Christmas 1993 was the first year we stayed home for the Christmas holiday.....no visits over the river and through the woods to visit family. It was Brian's first year in the Air Force and he came home on leave from tech school for the Christmas holiday. The following year we shipped Christmas gifts to him in England and missed him terribly.

Christmas 2009 will remain memorable for far less sentimental reasons. This was the first Christmas when it was literally just the two of us.......no extended family around.......both our sons were with the other side of their families this year, we would not be traveling any where due to my recent surgery, the first year without either of my parents (my mom went to be with Jesus in 2000 and Daddy joined her there this year), and no plans to see my brother, whose daughters are both now married so there is a lot more coordinating to do on that front as well. Al's parents had decided at the last minute to drive up from Columbia and Al had decided that grilling steaks for Christmas dinner was something he could manage a lot better than a "traditional" dinner. What none of us really planned on was an ice storm!

Al's parents arrived Christmas Eve to their house a little down the mountain from us. The plan was for them to come up here on Christmas morning. But........the road was covered in ice, and then a tree fell on a power line just above our house, so we were without power from about 8AM until late afternoon!

So......peanut butter and ritz crackers for Christmas dinner!! Not like any Christmas ever :)
We're going to try again today.......and I'm really looking forward to that steak!

Counting Down

This is the time of year when we are bombarded with "____shopping days until Christmas" or when we count down the days until family arrives or we're counting down the days, not so much for shopping, but for celebrating Christmas.

I'm in a countdown of a different sort......8 days until surgery! This will be a busy week, with a pre-op appointment, some last-minute cleaning and organizing to make things easier for Al (and ultimately for me, so that I won't stress over the details as I am sometimes prone to do!), some grocery shopping, a manicure and pedicure (the last pedicure for a while!), two extra choir rehearsals in preparation for next Sunday's Christmas program....Whew!! I'm tired just thinking about it all. It will likely be no problem at all for me to sleep through the surgery :)

I've also been organizing my reading materials and Bible study materials.....getting my paper and pencils in a readily accessible place, as well as organizing the books by category....biographies, non-fiction, political thrillers, "fluff". I know, I'm a compulsive organizer!

And I'm looking forward to next week. Not so much to the actual surgery, but to the day when the pain is gone and I can walk like a "regular person". People who walk without pain take so much for granted!! And I'm actually looking forward to the recovery period......the time of sitting, and reading, and studying, and hearing what God has to say. Looking forward to the time of forced inactivity, a time to "be still and know that I am God". It is my prayer that the surgery goes well, that the recovery will be complete and that the surgery accomplishes what it is intended to do. Even more, it is my prayer that I will use this time of sitting wisely, and that I will cooperate with God so that He can accomplish in me what He intends during this time.

Some Thoughts about Thanksgiving, Grandchildren and God's Grace

Thanksgiving weekend is now history.....and what a wonderful weekend it was! The house was full of people, lots of laughter, good food, great memories! It was so much fun to see AJ and Christopher playing together. Of course, for a not-exactly-mobile person such as I am right now, having the floor covered with toys presented some interesting challenges. I am happy to report that there were no stumbles, and all the army men are now safely back in their plastic container until the next visit, all the legos are safely put away, and all the pieces of the board games are in the correct boxes!

Watching AJ and Christopher together is like a trip down memory lane for me. They are both so very much like their dads that I could almost believe I have been transported back in time.....at least until Brian and Brandon come into the room! Interesting how they are so very much alike yet at the same time so very different. I find myself chuckling (very quietly, mind you!) when I hear Brian and Brandon saying to their sons some of the very same things Al and I said to them not so very many years ago. And I think that, in spite of the many mistakes I made as a parent, I must have gotten a few things right!

AJ and Christopher are both such precious little boys. Not perfect, but precious. And so very loved by their Nana and Opa. I think this may be a good illustration of God's grace toward us. He doesn't love us because we're perfect, because we always get everything right. Rather, His love toward us is in spite of the fact that we aren't perfect, that we don't always make good choices, that more often than we care to admit we make poor choices. Yet His love never stops. Just as my love for my sons and my grandsons doesn't stop when they "mess up", how much more this is true of God's love for us. Because we're not perfect......but we are precious!

It's a New Day!

What a beautiful morning! I'm so glad that yesterday is but a memory and happy to report that I am in much better spirits today. The pain is still with me, pretty intense again today, but my attitude has definitely improved, and that's a good thing :) I'm so hopeful that the insurance company won't take tooooooo long to process my paperwork and that we can get on with this surgery and recovery. In the meantime, it's a good day. The sun is shining, the coffee is good, and I'm looking forward to a good day.

And.....only five more days until grandchildren arrive!! I'm so excited!! But I'm not sure that Molly shares my enthusiasm........

One of Those Days.....

Today is one of those days when it would be really easy for me to just give in and have a seriously big pity party. I'm really trying to get the laundry finished. Usually that is a Monday task, but since Monday was spent going to Charlotte to see Dr. Jones, it didn't happen then. Didn't happen on Tuesday either since I went to the Tuesday Weight Watchers meeting in Spruce Pine (I usually go to Burnsville meeting on Monday night) and while I was in Spruce Pine I went to Walmart after Weight Watchers to pick up a few things......translation, spent money I didn't really need to spend! By Wednesday I was in serious "catch up mode", but I had a hair appointment in the afternoon and after that, while I was in town, I did some grocery shopping at Ingles. Trying to get ready for Thanksgiving and the family being here next week. None of that leads to the pity party. That is due to being in serious pain today. Which means that getting out of the chair and walking to the laundry room is agony. I guess I could just sit in the laundry room all day :) But this is one of those days when just sitting is painful. I really could just sit here and cry, but my ankle would still hurt and I would probably end up with one of those headaches that comes after a major crying jag.

So.....I'm really trying to focus on reasons to be thankful and positive and upbeat. And I readily admit that being in this kind of pain is a real obstacle. Even so, I am aware of how many reasons I have to give thanks.

• for this beautiful day.....blue sky, sunshine.....


• that my friend Nilda's cancer surgery went well this morning


• that my friend Donna is not having too many side effects from her chemo


• that I don't have breast cancer or uterine cancer or any other cancer


• that I don't have to go through chemo


• that except for this ankle business, I really am healthy


• that Al will be coming home later today


• that my grandchildren will be here next week


• that their parents will be here too (a Nana has priorities!!)

and on and on and on I could go. I really am so blessed. And I truly am thankful for all these blessings, and so very aware that every blessing is a gift from my loving Heavenly Father.

But even in the middle of knowing that, I'm still in a lot of pain today and having a hard time dealing with it. It's just one of those days.

Random Ramblings

Yesterday I went to Charlotte for the long-awaited appointment with the foot and ankle specialist. It's been a long time since I did much driving in Charlotte, so I armed myself with the directions provided by the doctor's office, printed out directions from MapQuest, and also had GPS in the car. Is this my OCD kicking in?? I didn't want to get lost!! After I got off I-85 I drove past the Carolina Panthers stadium, passed a place called Tailgateville, wound around a few more streets, and arrived at my destination about 45 minutes early!!! I had intended to take a book with me, knowing that magazines in doctor's offices are usually many months out of date. But even though I remembered all those directions, I forgot my book. So I sat....and sat.....and sat.....and watched the people. Watched them go in for their appointments and come out again. Watched people manuver their crutches with varying degrees of difficulty. And finally, about 40 minutes after my appointment time, I was called back. Sure wish I had remembered that book!

Anyway......more x-rays and then consultation with the doctor. Turns out I may have another option. Both options involve surgery. But there is the possibility of an ankle replacement rather than ankle fusion. Recovery time for each is the same, but the results are a little different. With a replacement I would have flexibility/range of motion in the ankle. With a fusion it won't bend at all (which is pretty much what I have now). With a fusion, there's the possibility that some of the bones in the foot will develop arthritis since they won't have the motion of the ankle to take the pressure away. But with my arthritis history, that will probably happen anyway. Ankle replacements tend not to hold up over time, but there is a new artificial joint that should last about 30 years. I probably won't live that long, so that shouldn't be a problem!

What it all boils down to is that what the insurance company will authorize will pretty much determine which way we go. I had already wrapped my head around the ankle fusion/no bending concept, so I'm OK either way. It would be great to have an ankle that would bend like an ankle is supposed to do. But if not.....oh well. There are much worse things. I just want it not to hurt all day every day the way it does now!

After I left Charlotte, I headed west on I-85 to Gastonia, then turned north toward Hickory so I could get back on I-40 and head home. When I got to I-40, instead of turning west (the direction of home), I went east to the next exit........there's a Starbucks there, and I REALLY wanted a cup of coffee......quad venti non-fat latte, to be precise! Well, that GPS (I call her Bernadette.....don't know why, it just seems an appropriate name) really got her knickers in a twist over that. The entire two miles to my "Starbucks exit", I heard her say.....over and over and over and over....."Recalculating, Recalculating, Recalculating." So, you guessed it, I turned that thing off!! I knew the way home!

Questions, Questions.....

I've been answering questions today. I have a packet of paperwork to complete in preparation for my visit to the foot/ankle specialist on Monday. Ten pages of questions. And I'm wondering how many ways a person can ask the same question. Or why the same question needs to be asked more than once. For example, why are there THREE different questions about how tall I am??? Is this a trick? Are they trying to trip me up (pun intended)??? Good grief!

So I'm trying to determine, on a scale of 1-10, how bad the pain is if I'm wearing shoes, or if I'm not wearing shoes, or if I'm walking on level ground, or if I'm climbing stairs, or when I first get out of bed, or after I've been up awhile, or at the end of the day. And how much, on a scale of 1-10, my daily activities are impacted. Or whether I am able to run (I think that one is a joke.....I haven't actually run in years, at least not like a "normal" person!) or whether or not I am able to walk 4 or more blocks, and if so, do I need a "support". As in cane or crutches, not as in a friend or spouse.....at least that's what I think they mean. But that might actually make a difference in my answer. I'm pretty much refusing a cane right now, although it might help. But I do like to have a good supportive friend or my sweet husband along for the journey!

Anyway, that's how I'm spending my Friday afternoon. At least the sun is shining today!

Another Gray Day

It's another gray, gloomy day. Several days of gloom have passed since we last saw the sun. And I'm finding it hard to stay positive and upbeat when I'm surrounded by such grayness. The fog has settled in here on our mountain and looks as though it might never lift. Ugh!!!

But then I am reminded that if I never experienced some of this gloom, I would not really appreciate the beauty of those sunny days. I would probably just take them for granted. If I were never in the valley, I couldn't fully appreciate the view from the mountaintop. And as I look around, I am reminded of how many reasons I have for giving thanks.....even on a gloomy day. I'm in a warm, comfortable home with a good cup of coffee, a fire in the fireplace, good music, good books, my Bible......and on and on I could go! So, actually this is a very good morning. A little fog can't get me down :)


"The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were not limitations to overcome. The hilltop would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse." - Helen Keller

Attitude of Gratitude

Years ago (seems like lifetimes ago!!) when I was directing Children's Choirs, we learned a song called "Attitude of Gratitude"......a song that I pulled out every year about this time, regardless of what else was going on in choir at the time. I no longer remember every lyric, or even the tune, but the concept stuck. Today, on this very dreary gray morning with lots of rain from a hurricane in the Gulf and the accompanying arthritis pain, I need the reminder to focus on the things for which I am grateful instead of the things that are less than I would like them to be.

I wonder why it is so easy for us as humans to focus on the negative, to view our glass as half empty rather than half full. Why are we so often so ungrateful when we have so much for which to give thanks? I am not so naive as to believe that life is without problems. There are "issues" everywhere......political issues, terrorism, cancer, soaring unemployment, and I could go on and on and on.

But in the middle of all that are wonderful reasons for giving thanks......another day of life, family, friends. Even as I complain about this gloomy day, I must pause to give thanks for the rain......after several years of extreme drought and after the experience of our water source drying up last year, I am thankful for every drop of rain that falls......even if I don't particularly enjoy the aches and pains that accompany it!

So, even on this gloomy morning, I purpose to focus my attention on reasons for rejoicing rather than on any reasons I have for complaining. Charles Dickens once said that we should reflect on our blessings, of which all men have many, rather than on our misfortunes, of which all men have some. I think that's very good advice.

As I reflect on my blessings today, I am so thankful for my precious husband, for our sons and grandsons. I am thankful for the years I had with my parents and for the certainty that I will see them again. I am so grateful for the love of God, for His grace and the gift of salvation, thankful that Jesus paid it all!

And I'm really thankful that my sweet husband made my coffee this morning!

Bless the Lord, O my soul; all within me, bless His Holy Name......Psalm 103:1

Accomplishing a Goal

I've been reflecting today on the sense of accomplishment that comes with the completion of a goal. I think it probably doesn't matter what the goal is......in my case, finishing the long-awaited basement cleanup. That is one project that has been put off for so long that I'm embarrassed to even admit how long! But this past Saturday I FINALLY finished!! Well, almost finished.....there's still a little sweeping up and some trash to carry to the dump. The trash is still there because it wouldn't all fit in the car on Saturday afternoon.

Along with a sense of accomplishment, I'm also experiencing some pain. Some of that is due to being on my feet for so long on Saturday and the effect that has on my impaired ankle. There is also the pain of aching muscles that don't normally get that kind of use (abuse!!). I wonder if it is true that every worthwhile endeavor comes with a few aches and pains. Is it true that nothing worthwhile is ever accomplished without at least some discomfort, some challenge to our status quo? Something to think about.

I've also been thinking that the satisfaction of accomplishing a goal is not at all diminished by the fact that completion of the goal was later than I originally anticipated. I think that's something to remember for other goals in life and/or business. Sometimes the date changes while the goal remains the same. There is still satisfaction in the achievment.

But......if the accomplishment had not been delayed (if I had not procrastinated so long), I could have been enjoying this sense of satisfaction so much sooner, and perhaps without so much pain. Hmmmmmmm........something to think about! Maybe I'll eventually get around to actually thinking about it! (See me smile!!)

Molly and the New Comforter

As we have been emptying out my dad's house in preparation for selling it, a couple of new pieces of furniture have made their way to our bedroom. There's the wing chair that my mother always sat in.....especially at Christmas and other family gathering times. After all, it was in the living room and we hardly ever went in there! I also have a small table that sat next to my dad's chair in the den, the little table where he kept his Bible and other reading materials. This table and chair are now part of my reading corner in our bedroom. However, because the chair is a beautiful paisley fabric, mostly blue, pink and rust in color, it really clashed with the comforter on our bed. So I forced myself (see me smile!!) to get a new comforter. And this new comforter is giving Molly all kinds of grief.


The problem is that Molly is no longer allowed on our bed! That would be the bed that she previously viewed as her own and occasionally allowed us to sleep in! The new comforter is a very pale blue that looks like silk (it's actually polyester) and I would like for it to look new for at least a little while! And doggie noses, doggie hair, doggie scratching around to find the perfect spot......all these things can age my new comforter very quickly. There is also the anticipation of coming surgery and wanting to break the doggie habit of jumping up onto the bed at will in order to ward off the potential disaster of a small dog landing herself right on my surgically-repaired ankle!

So, Molly is now terribly confused and I really think I have hurt her feelings! After all, she has no idea that she is a dog, so limits on her personal freedom make no sense to her at all. A part of me feels really bad about all this, but I also find myself chuckling when I see her sitting on the floor next to the bed and just staring up as if remembering how good life used to be! There's also the part of me that can sympathize with her confusion. There are a lot of things about life that don't make sense to me either!

I Love Fall!

Love the colors, love the falling leaves, love the way they crunch under my feet, love how the colors are changing from day to day, love the crispness of the air and that slight chill every morning. I love that every time fall comes around it's a little bit different. Last year we had brilliant reds.....this year's colors are primarily yellows and golds, more muted color than last year, but still so beautiful. I love it!

Waiting

I'm not very good at waiting. In fact, let me go ahead and state the obvious (or obvious at least to those who know me best).......I am not a patient person! I don't do waiting well. I am very much a "make a decision and get on with it" kind of person. If you have ever done any study of personality types using the DISC model, you will recognize that there is a lot of "D" in me.....get to the point, don't waste my time, like to be in control, not particularly patient. And that part of my personality is having a really hard time right now!

Having accepted the advice of my orthopedist that I need ankle surgery and having accepted his recommendation to see a foot and ankle specialist about that surgery, I now find myself in the position of having to WAIT until mid-November for an appointment with that specialist. It's making me nuts!! I'm ready to get this done!! Part of the waiting is knowing what's coming and dreading it......and all the mind games I play with myself about that. Part of the problem is trying to anticipate how a doctor I have never yet met will think, anticipate what he will say, anticipate the scheduling process.....particularly with holidays coming. And certainly part of the problem is that I am really tired of living with this pain and would just like to have the problem fixed!

On the other hand, it must be said that I am learning some really valuable lessons about waiting, and about Who is in control! I'm being reminded over and over that this is part of the "all things" that are working together for my good (Romans 8:28). And while I still don't like waiting, I hope that I am learning to let go, to yield control, and to recognize that, in every circumstance of life......both good and not so good......God has a plan and a purpose and "He has made everything beautiful IN HIS TIME." (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Plateaus

I've learned a lot about plateaus lately. I'm not talking about geographical features. I'm talking about plateaus in the weight-loss sense. Since January, I've been focusing on my weight and getting it back to a healthier level. My weight-loss program of choice is Weight Watchers....a program I can follow for life. But several weeks ago, I hit the dreaded plateau. From the first week of August until last week I lost a total of .4 pounds. That's right.....less than half a pound. Doing the same things I had been doing that helped me lose 30 pounds, yet not getting the same results! Talk about frustrating!! So, last week I made a mental "fresh start", really focusing on the little details that I had gotten sloppy about. Result......this week's weight loss is 2.4 pounds!!! From frustrated to super-excited in just one week!!

I think sometimes we hit spiritual plateaus as well. We go through the same "motions" week after week, but don't feel we are making any progress or that our spiritual lives have become somewhat stale. Perhaps just a small change in routine or a recommitment/refocus will yield benefits in this area as well. It could be something as simple as reading from a different Bible translation or changing the time or place of your devotional time. That could be the little thing that makes a big difference.

Chocolate

I've been doing some preliminary preparations for a Bible Study I'm soon to be part of......"Sweeter than Chocolate"......and so I've had chocolate on the brain!! I'm so excited about the study, but don't want to pre-empt that, so let's just let our minds wander and our mouths drool a bit thinking about chocolate!!!

I've been trying to decide what my favorite chocolate thing is. Amazingly, I really don't care for chocolate ice cream. I do love chocolate cake, and brownies, and chocolate pie, and chocolate covered strawberries.......I could go on and on and on!!

Some years ago, my husband had a position as Executive Director of an international non-profit association, and in conjunction with that we were fortunate to travel to some really fabulous places. Once we spent about three weeks in Europe, and one leg of that trip took us from Paris to Barcelona, Spain. We were booked on Swiss Air. I share all this because it leads to one of my favorite chocolate memories :)

As we traveled, in coach mind you, we were served lunch. Yes, I know, it's hard to imagine an actual meal in coach, but it's true! Even more mind-boggling......the meal began with the flight attendants bringing WARM ROLLS, offering the basket of breads to each passenger for their selection, with NO LIMIT on how much bread one could take. Then came the meal itself, which frankly I don't really remember. I do remember the flight attendants coming back with more bread for those who wanted it. And at the end of the meal came the best part......CHOCOLATE!! A tray of assorted Swiss Chocolates from which we could choose whatever we wanted!! I confess that I took more than I needed because I wanted to be sure to have some for later. This was fabulous chocolate.....not that waxy stuff you get at the discount store. This was the real deal.....some of the absolute best chocolate I have ever tasted! And believe me, I've tasted a lot of chocolate!!

What connection does this have to Bible Study, you might ask? Exactly this, that God's Word IS sweeter than chocolate. That just as I salivated all over myself at the thought of an unlimited amount of Swiss chocolate being offered to me for FREE, even more am I absolutely beside myself when I think of the FEAST that is the Word of God being available to me every day..... and how I look forward with great anticipation to see how God is going to speak to me through His Word!!! That truly is sweeter than chocolate!

Remembering

A day like today puts things into perspective. September 11, 2001 will be forever etched in my memory. Like so many Americans, I remember exactly where I was, exactly what I was doing, exactly how I felt on that Tuesday morning. I watched with horror as I saw, live on television, the plane crash into the second tower. I was numb for days. I still have a hard time seeing the images.....even reading a novel set into that time frame is something I can't do.

As I observe the current political climate, I remember back to those days - horrible though they were - when we weren't Republican or Democrat, Liberal or Conservative. We were Americans. And I remember churches being filled with people seeking answers, seeking God. I remember the promises that we would never forget.

But we have forgotten, I'm afraid. On days like today, people pause to remember. But most of the time, people are just going through life......not giving much thought to terrorists, equating patriotism with their particular political position, perhaps giving very little thought to God, thinking of 9/11 as something that happened "back then".

Today I'm grieving.......for families who lost husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, friends. And for my country, which has lost its moral compass, its respect for life, its honor for God. I grieve and I continue to pray that God will heal our land.....that God's people will rise up and be His people....that God will have mercy on us.

Seasons

I love the changing seasons! Especially after living several years in Florida where one season looks pretty much the same as another..... the joke there was that we had two seasons, hot and hotter!! Growing up in South Carolina and living there through my young adult years, I always thought of spring as my favorite season.....I loved the beauty of it, the flowers blooming, new growth on the trees! The pollen, not so much :)

However, after living in other parts of the country where spring is not so predictable (warm today, snow tomorrow!!) and where it comes much later than it does in the South, I have become a big fan of fall! I love the changing colors, the crispness of the air, the warm days and cool nights. And yes, I admit it, I love football!! Right now I'm really loving watching the hickory trees around our house as they are already beginning to display their fall colors. Every morning I look to see how much change there has been. The acorns are falling, the squirrels and chipmunks are very active. There is a lot going on here on the mountain!

I'm looking forward to the time when all the leaves fall off the trees. My family all think I'm nuts, but ever since I was a child I have loved the sound, the "crunch" of walking through fallen leaves! It's one of my favorite things!

I think I also enjoy fall because it's a time to return to a routine. Even though my children are grown and I'm in the "empty nest" season of life, somehow the back-to-school season is a back-to-routine time for me as well. And being a lover of "routine" and a real creature of habit, I'm happy to be back on a schedule, even though it is a self-imposed one. A schedule that sets aside long periods of time for Bible Study and prayer, for reflection on all God is doing and all He has promised to do. I almost look forward to the cold, snowy days of winter when I "hibernate" and have even more time for those pursuits without any distractions. But beyond looking forward, I'm looking to each day, enjoying what it brings, celebrating the beauty of God's creation and most of all celebrating the Creator God who in His infinite wisdom has given us seasons!

Amazing!

I was wide awake at 4AM this morning. That is is VERY unusual. First of all, I NEVER get up that early......at least not voluntarily. And no matter what time I get up, I'm never immediately wide awake. I typically ease into the day :) But today was not one of those days.

My first reaction was to wonder why I was awake so early and then to wonder why I couldn't go back to sleep! Then I began to realize that I must be awake for a reason, so I just got up, started the coffee maker, got my Bible, journal, pen and other resources, and got comfortable in my favorite chair anticipating what God might be about to say to me this morning!

I had a wonderful time in the Sermon on the Mount, finishing my lesson for tomorrow's Bible Study time. I spent some time in Esther. I pondered some thoughts about Abraham and Isaac and God's Covenant with Abraham and his descendants. I spent some time in worship in the Psalms. And I read a wonderful devotional thought based on the verse, "Thou, God, seest me."

The devotional writer related an experience in the life of Isaac Watts, when a teacher said to him, "People will tell you that God is always watching you to see when you do wrong so He can punish you. I do not want you to think of it that way. Rather let these words (Thou, God, seest me) remind you all through your life tht God loves you so much that He cannot take His eyes off of you." Wow!!

As I think about those words, I'm reminded of how I used to just stare at my boys when they were babies.....couldn't take my eyes off of them because I loved them so and they were so precious to me! Or how I just enjoy watching everything my grandsons do, no matter what it is....just can't stop looking at them!! I came across a photo recently, a candid shot from our wedding showing the two of us just standing there gazing at each other. Something, by the way, that we still do......just because we love each other so much!

And that pales in comparison to the love God has for us! Just to think that even now God is looking at me. That God loves me so much He can't take His eyes off me! That is definitely a "WOW" thought that will get me through whatever comes my way today.

So if you happen to see me at Walmart or at Ingles or at CVS or anywhere else today, that smile on my face and that twinkle in my eye is because I'm remembering that God just can't take His eyes off me!! Amazing!!

A Word of Advice

Continuing the theme of the last post, I have a word of advice......people with degenerative arthritis (like me) should not break bones!! Even when all the doctors and nurses and surgeons and physical therapists have put you back together again, the consequences linger on. Even when your ankle (the broken part in my case) is in good shape (you think!), almost as flexible as the unbroken one (and mine was), one day you wake up to discover that it just isn't as flexible as it used to be and that it really seems to hurt all the time, not just when it rains or when you've overdone it just a bit. Hmmmmm........

That's when, like me, you decide that maybe you need to see a doctor about this so you make an appointment. And that's when you get the bad news. Something that sounds like this....."Your ankle is a mess.....That's one of the worst ankles I've ever seen.......I don't know how you walk at all." Hmmmmmmm.........

And then you hear the news that your only options are drugs (and in this case, they are really hard to get used to....the side effects have not been fun!) or an ankle fusion. Well, there could be an ankle replacement, but the doctor says that's not a good surgery.

All this brings to mind the words of the Apostle Paul to the Ephesians.....be careful how you walk! In terms of broken ankles, I realize that is completely out of context.....that he wasn't talking about ankles at all!! But it's very good advice......

"Be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15-16)

A Rough Week

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Very busy weeks, which is part of the problem. Lots of doctor appointments.....annual physical, dentist, mammogram, orthopaedist.....more about that later.

Last weekend I went down to Landrum to take care of a couple of banking things concerning my dad's affairs, then was expecting a relaxing Friday afternoon before everybody else (brother, sister-in-law, hubby) arrived. But when I walked into the kitchen, the floor was covered with water! Not good! And the kitchen light wouldn't come on......apparently old fluorescent bulbs that haven't been on in about a month don't like to get back to work!! So, I couldn't really see where the water was coming from. Turns out there was a leak in the icemaker line, but there was not cut-off, so without turning off the water supply to the entire house, there was nothing to do that would stop the water. Fortunately, Al arrived earlier than anticipated and was able to solve the problem with a $2 thingy from the hardware store!

Once Sam and Debbie arrived we began the task of emptying out the attic and sorting through stuff.....who wants this or that, what gets donated, what gets tossed. An exhausting task, both physically and emotionally.


All the doctor appointments turned out well.....teeth are good, no evidence of cancer, blood pressure under control, weight going in the right direction. And then there was the orthopaedist. That one did not turn out as I had hoped. Following the broken ankle experience a few years ago, once the rehab was done, I had a pretty good ankle.....reasonably flexible considering all the hardware that's in there, no pain, relatively little stiffness. But over the last year or so that condition has changed......lots of pain, no flexibility at all, etc. And since I was pretty much beyond my tolerance level for the pain and was tired of limping around like a little old lady, I made the orthopaedist appointment. I guess my hope was that this would be diagnosed as a hardware problem, that he would say if we take those screws out then your problems will be solved. This is in line with what the original surgeon had said, that sometimes people with my type of injury and surgery have trouble with the screws a few years down the road and they have to come out. So, I was expecting that the worst thing the doctor would say was that I would need another surgery to take the screws out.


I guess the good news in what he did say is that there is nothing I have done - or not done - that would make my condition any different from what it is. But here's the situation. First, I have something called tarsal tunnel tendonitis (I think that's what he called it) which accounts for the pain on the inside of my foot. Then there is the nerve damage that is accounting for the other pain. So I have prescriptions for those issues that "might" help. And that's the good news! Once the x-rays had been taken and the doctor looked at them, he says "your ankle is a mess. It's one of the worst ankles I've ever seen. I'm surprised you can walk at all!" At first I was ready to get upset with him thinking he was being critical of the previous surgeon, but that wasn't what he meant at all. It seems that there was so much damage to my bones when I broke them and the bones lost blood supply so that they are essentially dead, and because of that damage combined with my degenerative arthritis, my ankle has collapsed. So.....either an ankle replacement (not a good surgery, according to the doctor) or an ankle fusion.

Found all that out on Thursday. So I had a pity party for the rest of the day and gave myself until noon yesterday to get over it!! I have found that the best way to deal with a pity party is to set a deadline!! Since then I'm telling myself to put my big girl panties on and deal with it!! Feeling sorry for myself won't make it get better and in the long run only makes me feel worse. So, right now I'm trying to adjust to some new medications which I hope are going to do some good. Right now they are only making me very sleepy and leave me feeling unable to focus! Not a good feeling.

And through it all God is teaching me to give thanks in all things.....even the not so good things!! I admit that right now I am struggling through this lesson, but even in this I know God is in control and has a plan and a purpose!! And I would be less than honest if I didn't admit that knowing that intellectually and actually experiencing it in my "feelings" are two different things right now.

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed! That's the only word that comes to mind right now.......I am feeling completely and absolutely overwhelmed. I have so much to do I can't even begin to know where to begin! There's all the "regular" around-the-house stuff......laundry, de-cluttering, dealing with the ever-present dust bunnies, need to empty and reload the dishwasher, need to do some grocery shopping, but that would mean making a list, etc, etc, etc! Then there's the other stuff.....cleaning out the closets and drawers, actually cleaning out the basement and getting rid of some of that junk instead of just talking about it, catching up with the filing that is piling up on my desk, etc, etc, etc. And of course there's the yet-to-be-completed cleaning out of all the drawers, closets, boxes of stuff in Daddy's house......although we made some progress on that this past weekend....along with the inevitable paperwork that goes with settling up someone's affairs and I have found several boxes of papers and newspaper clippings that will help tell the story of my grandparents and great-grandparents, but of course I need time to sit and read through all that. All that has to fit around dentist and doctor appointments and all the other busyness of life!! Whew! No wonder I'm feeling overwhelmed!


But I am also overwhelmed in another sense.....in the sense of absolute awe at the love of God and His grace toward me. It is certainly true that I have done nothing to deserve that. Just the opposite, in fact. I have lost my temper more times than I care to admit to, particularly recently (I guess it goes with being tired and overwhelmed in the sense of the previous paragraph!). I make stupid choices, again more often than I really want to admit. I have been sarcastic and unkind and impatient and judgmental. I could go on and on......yet in spite of all this, God loves me and has extended His grace toward me. In spite of my inadequacies and shortcomings - and they are many - He loves me and His grace is sufficient for every circumstance of my life! As we sang in church yesterday.....He is my strength when I am weak, He is the treasure that I seek, He is my all in all.



I'm overwhelmed!

I've been thinking a lot over the last several days about what a privilege prayer is......one that I think, unfortunately, I and probably many others often take for granted. That Almighty God actually listens to me is a mind-boggling concept!! So, as I continue to ponder, to reflect, to be in awe, perhaps my thoughts may actually turn into some coherent writing! In the meantime, join me in thinking about these words from the hymn writer......maybe you'll even find yourself humming or singing along!!

"Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer."

Looking Back And Looking Forward

I haven't written many posts lately. I think that may be partly due to the fact that I didn't think I had anything to say. Even more I think it is because life has been incredibly busy this summer. What ever happened to those "lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer"?? Or maybe it's because I just can't seem to stay focused on anything long enough to have a coherent thought, much less write it down! I'm sure that is related to the incredible busyness of this summer.

Aside from the normal busyness of life, there have been numerous trips down to SC to begin the process of cleaning out daddy's house, dealing with the attorney, the bank, etc. I had no idea that being the "court appointed personal representative" of daddy's "estate" would be so time-consuming! Even using the word "estate" seems a bit ridiculous to me - implies, in my mind at least, huge amounts of money and vast property holdings, which certainly aren't the case here. But, as with seemingly everything in modern life, there is a vast amount of paperwork! And the cleaning out closets and drawers in preparation for selling the house is a very time-consuming process......but that may be partly due to the fact that I'm always stopping to spend a little time with some treasure I have found.

For example, I found a letter written from my great-grandfather to my grandfather, postmarked in 1907 (in this case, I'm thankful for the envelope......but Daddy saved every envelope, and that usually drives me up the wall!!). I also found a letter written by Grandmother Austin to my mother, on the occasion of my parents' engagement, welcoming her to the family. I love finding those treasures! Going through old bank statements and credit card receipts, not so much!!


As we (my brother and I) begin making decisions about what to do with this or that, and begin bringing home a book or a trinket or a piece of furniture, we have both commented that it's like having a little piece of our parents in our own homes. While the "stuff" is just that - stuff- it is somehow comforting to look around the room and see the table that was always by Daddy's chair, where he kept his Bible and his devotional book......to have that now by my chair. To have a pitcher and set of glasses that Great-Aunt Mamie gave to my parents as a wedding gift makes me smile everytime I see them in the china cabinet. I love looking at the photo of me and Mother, taken when I was about 4 years old. I am challenged when I take out the now-yellowed index cards with Scripture verses hand-written on them in my mother's handwriting.....knowing she memorized all those verses and remembered them even when her brain had been damaged by multiple strokes.


All these things are associated with wonderful memories of a happy childhood, a wonderful life, and two parents whom I adored. I miss them both terribly. How thankful I am for the assurance that I will see them again. How thankful I am that they loved the Lord with all their hearts and taught me to do the same. And how I look forward to Heaven.....to that great family reunion!!!

DeeperStill

I spent this last weekend in Greensboro......some precious time with family, and attended a fabulous conference called DeeperStill......being challenged to go deeper still in my walk with the Lord. It was a powerful event and I'm still processing all God was saying to me.

One of my favorite moments of the weekend was during the time Kay Arthur was teaching and she said, "God has given us 66 books in the Bible. Which ones do you think He wants you to know?"

It was so exciting to be in an arena with about 11,000 other women (and a few brave men!) who all love the Lord and want to grow in their relationship with Him! Click on the link and check out a few highlights.

DeeperStill - Greensboro NC
Source: vimeo.com
Lifeway Presents DeeperStill with Kay Arthur, Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer and music with Travis Cottrell.

15 Books

This is a note I posted on Facebook this morning, and since this is what I'm thinking about right now, I'll just repeat it here. It's a list of 15 books.....hard to stop at 15, but I forced myself!! And they are in no particular order (other than the first, most important) except as they popped into my head.

Here are the rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. They don't have to be the greatest books you've ever read, just the ones that stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.

In random order, except for #1.
1. The Bible
2. Little Women
3. Pride and Prejudice
4. Emma
5. Left Behind
6. Gone With the Wind
7. Mitford Series
8. How to Study Your Bible
9. The Ezekiel Option
10.The Little Old Man Who Could Not Read
11.More Than a Pink Cadillac
12.Reaching Out Without Dumbing Down
13.Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire
14.Purpose Driven Life
15.Five Love Languages

If I were to add #16, it would be "Alexander and the No Good, Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Day", which along #10, takes me back to the days of reading to my boys when they were little. We read LOTS of books, but these are two that stick in my mind, maybe because they reflect my value system......that reading is important!! If you can't read, you can't do anything!! Go to the library and check out the book and you'll see what I mean. And, as in Alexander's story, EVERYBODY has a bad day sometime!! Even in Australia!! Again, read the book :)

In Awe

Living in the mountains is an interesting experience. When we moved here about three years ago, afters years of living in "the city", we dealt with the inevitable "culture shock" at suddendly living in such an isolated place.

There's a down side to living in this kind of isolation. No neighbors just pop in for coffee and a chat, because the closest year round neighbor is about a mile away! Taking an after dinner walk in the evening is a challenge because the roads are so steep, and of course, we have to be on the lookout for critters. There is the occasional bear or coyote to deal with. Sometimes you are awakened in the middle of the night by the dog's barking because there are raccoons on the porch raiding the bird feeders - again. The deer eat your flowers. If the deer don't get them, the rabbits probably will.


On the other hand, the chipmunks and squirrels are good at cleaning up the acorns that fall, so there's not that mess to deal with. And the chipmunks are also good at cleaning up any bird seed the birds drop to the porch (or that the raccoons missed!).


This is definitely a peaceful environment.......we can actually SEE the stars at night! We actually HEAR the sounds of nature! The view from the front porch is unbelievable! In the fall, the brilliant reds and golds take your breath away! And as I sit here this morning, I am amazed at how many shades of green I see on the trees in front of our house.......bright, light, deep, dark.....so many hues of the same color!

And as I ponder this, I am in awe of the creativity of our Mighty Creator God! Again!

A Confession

About a month ago I wrote a post about my addiction to Word Hunt. Just so you know (all two of you that will probably read this!!), I'm still addicted!! In fact, more so than ever!! Even with all I have to do around here staring me in the face, I can't seem to walk by the computer without stopping for a "hunt". Maybe it's a form of stress relief.......and there has definitely been some stress in the last couple of weeks! Maybe it's just because it's fun. In any event, I'm justifying it as a way to keep my brain sharp....LOL!!

As for the coffee addiction, still hooked there too :)

My Daddy

It's been a rough 10 days. 10 days ago I found out that my daddy had died the night before, at home, alone. Everyone says he didn't suffer, that he went quickly, that he was probably dead before his body hit the floor. I hope they are right. But that mental image of my daddy lying on his face on the floor all night before anyone even knew what had happened is hard to handle.

Saturday morning began so well. Our younger son and his family were here. We had just had a leisurely breakfast together. We were making plans to go down the mountain to town (AJ's words!) when the phone rang. And then came the news. Daddy had gone to be with Jesus.

We had planned to visit him last Sunday. We had a new TV for him to replace the one damaged by lightning a few weeks ago. We were all there on Sunday. But he wasn't.

I have always known I was blessed with a very special Daddy. That has been reaffirmed over and over in the past 10 days as I have heard people share their experiences with him. I've heard from people he led to Christ. I've talked with his childhood friends about how they picked cotton together. I've been blessed over and over to hear what a difference he made in so many lives, just by being who he was.

I know he is with Jesus. I know I will see him again someday. But right now, Daddy, I miss you.

I'm Addicted!!

It's never easy to face up to one's shortcomings. And now I find myself face to face with and having to admit to yet another addiction!!

I've been facing up to and dealing with the food "addiction" for several months now. I joined Weight Watchers (AGAIN!) for the umpteenth time in January and as a result am dealing with and conquering that addiction. So far, 23 pounds lighter than I was when I joined. I hesitate to say I've "lost" 23 pounds because it seems that implies I would like to find them, and that is most definitely NOT the case :)

My computer has recently spent a few days with the Geek Squad folks. With many thanks to them, it is now back at home and running ever so much more efficiently than before. But these few days without it have forced me to face up to yet another addiction......facebook!!! It has been so much fun to reconnect with friends and to know what's going on with them. And since this computer sits on the bar between the kitchen and family room, and since I walk past it umpteen times a day, I was in the habit of taking a quick peek at the status pages nearly every time I walked by. I really missed that over the last few days!

But even more than keeping up with my friends I confess to an absolute addiction to some of the facebook games, particularly Word Hunt. I love word games anyway, but this one has grabbed me like no other. So, after realizing that I could actually get through the day without multiple word hunts, I'm trying to avoid it for a few more days and see if I can break the addiction cycle here as well. Not that I will completely give it up, mind you, but I need to get control here......I really do have other things to do!!

As for the addiction to coffee, well.......that's one addiction I'm holding on to :)

Slaying My Dragons

Some time back I was referred to a blog which had a post titled "Slaying Your Dragons Before Breakfast" or something like that. I don't remember much about the content of the post, but I think it was related to time management and getting started on your day by dealing with the tough things first, getting them out of the way and then moving on. Something like that.

Anyway, today is one of those days when I definitely need help in the time management area. Lots of dragons to be slain today. After a couple of days away with Al, I've come home to discover that nobody did the laundry or dealt with the dust bunnies or took care of the mail or prepared the Bible Study lesson......etc, etc. Probably because nobody was here - LOL!! In any event, there are lots of tasks and projects to be dealt with today, and I'm having a hard time prioritizing them. So far today, I more like a hummingbird or a butterfly (flitting from one thing to the next) than like a dragon slayer!

Maybe I need to sit down with another cup of coffee (always a good idea, if you ask me!) and make a list of everything that needs doing today. Then I can prioritize the list. That seems like a good strategy for slaying a dragon or two.

I'm Excited!

I'm excited! Tomorrow I'm going on a road trip.....to Charleston, West Virginia. What's so exciting about Charleston, West Virginia, you may be asking. Well, I don't know. Maybe a lot. Maybe nothing. I've never been there, so I don't have a definitive answer to the question.

What I am excited about is a six hour road trip. Yes, six hours in the car with my sweet husband. He's going to be working in Charleston, teaching a class there on Wednesday. So we're driving up tomorrow. And so......I'm excited. He's away from home so often that any time we spend together is a special treat. Even a six hour road trip, and the six hour road trip home on Wednesday. Yes, I confess that after almost 37 years of marriage, I still love spending time with him!! So, I'm excited!

As to whether or not there's anything really exciting about Charleston, West Virginia......well, I'll have to let you know when we get back.

The Sisterhood of the Pink Bubble

Almost 13 years ago I took the plunge and became an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics. I had been using Mary Kay products for many years but had never given any thought to selling them until I was faced with the empty-nest as my youngest was going off to college. Even then, I wasn't looking to be a businesswoman as much as I was looking for something to fill my time, since I would no longer be a home-schooling mom. It's not as if I didn't have plenty to do.....I was teaching a full load of piano students as well as serving my church as Music Minister and teaching Precept Upon Precept Bible Studies in our church. But on June 12, 1996 I began a new career as an Independent Beauty Consultant.

I have loved my Mary Kay years, as a consultant and later as an Independent Sales Director. I've enjoyed the money I made, and I made a good income! I enjoyed the prizes I earned and the prestige of being a Star Consultant and of qualifying for my first car (I took cash compensation instead of the car.) But most of all I have loved the friendships I have made and the camraderie that exists between the women in Mary Kay. There is a real sisterhood in Mary Kay that is unlike any I ever experienced in any other job/career I ever had. It really is the sisterhood of the "pink bubble", and something not really understood by those outside the bubble.

When we moved to the mountains a few years ago and began life in this very isolated area, I put my MK career on hold and then chose to "retire" myself. But oh how I have missed it! I've continued to maintain my consultant status with the company and have continued using MK products - I wouldn't think of using anything else!! But I've been out of the bubble.....away from meetings and skin care parties and seminar and missing my MK girls!! Missing them a lot!! So much, in fact, that I'm coming out of retirement!! Certainly the current economic climate makes going back "to work" a good idea......some additional income will be helpful! But more than the money, I miss the sisterhood!! I miss the pink bubble!!

Whether or not I work my business on as big a scale as I once did remains to be seen......will I become a Sales Director or a car qualifier again? I don't know. What I do know is that I'm taking the first step......I've made the decision. And I am so excited!!!

So check me out at www.marykay.com/sfeaster. Leave me a note and tell me you were there. And if you don't have a personal beauty consultant, I'd love to provide that service for you.

Priorities

Today is such a beautiful day! It's a little cool for this time of year, but the sun is shining and everything is so green from all the rain we've had lately. There was actually a frost advisory last night! Good grief! It's the middle of May and we're still having to think about frost??!! What's up with that? So, like the good gardener I am (and that is a real exaggeration, I assure you), I went out last night and covered our squash and cucumbers and tomatoes with sheets to protect them from the frost.......the frost that didn't come, by the way! Thankfully the wind didn't blow my sheets down the side of the mountain!!

So, on this beautiful day when my to-do list is really quite long, what have I been doing? Well, I've wasted some time on Facebook, mostly playing Word Hunt, my new favorite game. I've watched the birds......lots of goldfinches at the feeders today, and I've been keeping my eye on the phoebe who built a nest in the roof of our carport. She's taking good care of her new babies. A wild turkey strolled through the carport a little while ago (in case that doesn't make sense, the carport is actually open on 3 sides.....it's a drive-through carport!). There are squirrels and chipmunks chasing each other across the bank behind our house. I think they are fighting over the acorns and hickory nuts. There's really no need to fight.....there's more than enough for all the critters to share!

I should be emptying and reloading the dishwasher and catching up with the ironing and straightening the clutter and maybe even trying to make some more progress on the basement clean-up project. That would be the basement clean-up project which seems to be getting worse instead of better! I should be finishing up preparations for tonight's Bible Study. That seems like the priority. So, now that I've finished my lunch, finished this post and wasted entirely too much time this morning, I think it's about time I got my priorities in order!!

I'm Not a Morning Person

I think this whole "morning person" thing is vastly overrated. What's so great about forcing yourself to get up before dawn even shows its face just so you can rush around frantically trying to convince yourself that you are getting lots more done? At least that's how it would be for me. Getting up early is not something that comes naturally to me. I hate alarm clocks. I hate being forced to be up and about before I want to be. I like to sleep until my body decides it has had enough (meaning.....has slept enough) and then to get out of bed. And I think I am a lot more productive when I can get up on my own timetable!!

I like to enter the day gradually. I'm not one of those people who hits the ground running.....who bounds joyfully into the day. I don't want anybody to talk to me until I've had a cup (make that several cups!) of coffee. Fortunately, even though I am married to a "morning person", he figured out a long time ago that I am not one of those and has adjusted admirably!!

Keep Smiling!

I was recently reading an account of Corrie ten Boom's life.....about how much she enjoyed her life, how enthusiastic she was about every task. When you think about all she and her family (and others) endured during the Holocaust, her joy and enthusiasm for life is a real testimony of her faith but also an example for all of us who have endured much less hardship yet never fail to find opportunities to whine about something! It was said of Corrie that she had an amazing sense of humor and that she spent a lot of time laughing, that even in her eighties she was very young in spirit. I admire that, and I aspire to that.

I can remember my grandmother often saying that age is a state of mind......you're only as old as you feel. And I don't ever want to feel old!! Getting older doesn't bother me, but I don't want to grow old in my thinking, in my attitude toward life. I hope never to lose my sense of humor about things. Yes, life has its ups and downs, its potholes in the road, its aches and pains. But dealing with all of that is really only an attitude, isn't it??

Proverbs 15:15......"He who is of a merry heart has a continual feast." I'm sure that's true for "she" of a merry heart as well!

Corrie said "The future is glorious. The best is yet to be." That's something to think about, something to look forward to. Certainly it's a reason to keep smiling!! And keep looking up!

A Tribute to My Mother

Certain sounds and smells always trigger memories. Listerine, Kleenex and Jergen's lotion always make me think of my grandmother. Jello always makes me think of my mother! It may be because she ate a LOT of Jello in my lifetime, partly because stomach ulcers were something she lived with for as long as I can remember. Salads made with Jello always trigger memories as well......I think this was more an economic than a health issue for her. Certain combinations......grape Jello with bananas, lime Jello with pears stuffed with cream cheese, lime Jello with pineapple and carrots.....those bring back memories for sure!

I have other memories as well......that she almost always had on a sweater, even in the warmest weather.......that she almost always had a tissue stuffed into the sleeve of that sweater, just in case! I remember the fruitcake cookies she always made at Christmas. It should be noted that I have always hated fruit cake, but I loved those cookies! I remember the "cranberry tip-tops" (a frozen concoction of cranberries, Jello, nuts, whipped cream) she made, only for Christmas.

I remember all the times as a child I got "the look" when my behavior didn't quite meet her standards. My sons may remember "the look" being directed at them......I think I learned that lesson well! And I have such wonderful memories of the times we laughed together as adult women, the shopping sprees and chocolate covered peanuts we shared, and the special moments of deep conversation. How I miss those!

There were so many things I admired about my mother. She was kind and loving, stern when necessary, had a great sense of humor. She loved Christmas and birthdays. She was a woman of great faith, a very disciplined woman, and one who did "all things as unto the Lord."

Even in the last years of her life after multiple strokes had affected her speech and her memory, she retained her sense of humor. She never complained, often laughing when she couldn't quite express herself....."oh, I can't say it!" she would say, and somehow we would figure out what she meant.

One of the most powerful memories of those last years is the Bible on her bed. She read that Bible every day, even when her brain would no longer let her exactly understand what she was reading. The Word of God was her constant companion. What an inspiration she was....and is...to me. And oh, how I miss her!

Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day weekend. And for the first time I can ever remember, I am spending it alone. Al left this morning for a week long business trip. He'll be back on Friday night and will leave again next Saturday morning and return the following Saturday. It's going to be a very long two weeks. Weekends when he is out of town are the worst. Somehow I get through the "work week" OK, even if he's gone all week. But the weekends are really tough, even after all these years of this lifestyle. I guess it's because there's the expectation that a working person would actually get a weekend to spend with his wife/family. Oh well......

And, also for the first time I can ever remember, I will not see either of my sons or my grandsons on this Mother's Day weekend. Since they have been grown, it is rare to have spent time with both sons on Mother's Day, but I've had some time with one or the other every year. Not this year. No sons. No grandsons. No husband. I'm really trying not to have a pity party! I'm trying to stay busy. I have lots of projects "in process", including sorting years and years of photos, so I'll be busy traveling down memory lane this weekend! Missing my husband, missing my boys, missing my grandsons, and missing my mother. But enjoying the wonderful memories we have made together.

Nobody Rains on My Parade!

One of the lessons I have learned over the years is the power of "self-talk".......the things we say to ourselves, the thoughts we think about ourselves have powerful effect on our attitudes and our behaviors. This has been true through all the years of my life in the "pink bubble" of Mary Kay. It is a truth that is emphasized in our Weight Watchers meetings. For many of my years as a beauty consultant I practiced this in the form of what we pink ladies refer to as positive affirmations. One of the things I said to myself over and over is "I will let nobody rain on my parade, I will let nobody push my buttons."

But......reality check.....over the last several years I have let people rain on my parade. I have let people push my buttons. I have let circumstances and other people control my attitude. I have gotten bogged down in what other people think. And I am here to say.......NO MORE!!!

Now, lest the two of you who may be reading this get the wrong impression, I am not referring to anyone in my family or to whom I am related either by blood or by marriage!

So let me be clear. I will not give control of my life, my thoughts, my emotions, my career choices to the "negative nellies" around me. Nobody will rain on my parade! Nobody will push my buttons. I will go over, under, around or through ANY obstacle that gets in my way because I am a woman on a mission with a vision and a passion for excellence. And my blood runs PINK!

Need More Coffee!!

What is it about rainy days that have me craving coffee?? Maybe it's a combination of the sound of rain on the tin roof, the various shades of gray I see as I look out the windows (the clouds have settled in on our mountaintop) and a lack of sleep.......I stayed up too late catching up on my DVRed TV shows. So I'm on my second pot of coffee......and yes, I know that is too much caffiene and no, I don't care!!! I love my coffee! And since it's my turn to teach at Bible Study tonight I need to be awake and alert to finish preparing the lesson, and then to teach it. So.....more coffee is in order! Not that I mind at all. I really do love coffee!!!

Not everything is gray and gloomy today. The trees in front of our house are getting their leaves. And the bird feeders are full today.......lots of finches and doves and hummers!! And more good news......I have an appointment for a hair color "fix" on Thursday. Life is good!

Change

This is a week for some changes. Of course, we are in the process here in the mountains of changing from winter to spring, and that's a good thing. You can almost watch leaves appearing on the trees. There are more birds at the feeders. The hummers are back, along with lots of finches. We planted our "garden" on Saturday.......lots of tomatoes, some in those upside-down planters, along with some squash and cucumbers. The "garden" is actually a series of pots. Living on the side of a mountain, literally, as we do, there are not a lot of good garden spots, and if we plant very far from the house, then everything we plant will be eaten by the deer and other critters.

We also put some flowers in the beds and porch planters. It's amazing how much the color boosts our mood!!

There will be other changes this week. My hair color for one. I had new highlights put in a couple of weeks ago. The more I look at myself in the mirror, the less satisfied I am with how it turned out. I know.......vanity, vanity, thy name is Susan!! My husband is not happy with the new color either.......he said it made me look old. That was all it took!!! Change is coming!

There are changes coming on the inside as well. I've been in a serious state of blah for a while now. So, I need a major attitude adjustment and I have determined that starts today. Time to get rid of the "stinkin' thinkin'", as one of my mentors used to say. In spite of some less than ideal circumstances, I CHOOSE to think positively, to view the glass as half full rather than half empty. I CHOOSE to look forward, not backward. I CHOOSE to determine my own attitude rather than letting circumstances determine it for me. I CHOOSE to be enthusiastic! I CHOOSE to keep my eye on the goal. I CHOOSE not to let other people's attitudes and judgments about my choices drag me down. I CHOOSE to run the race set before me.

So, look out world! I'm back!!

Futility

I accomplished a lot yesterday in my basement clean-up project. I began in the office, which I determined to be the area where it most matters if it's clean and organized. At the end of the day, I was tired but had a sense of satisfaction that I had made significant progress toward my goal. Of course, it still doesn't look like I've made any progress, but I know that I have.

I was reading this morning in the book of Ecclesiastes. The writer uses the word "futility" a lot. I think maybe he has seen my basement!

Today's the Day!

The long-awaited and long-needed basement clean-up project begins today! I'm caffienated and ready to go! There's a lot of clutter in that basement, and I'm ready to deal with it, to sort it all into keep, sell, donate, toss. I'm not sure how long it will take to accomplish this task, but I'm ready to begin - as soon as I finish this post.

And I'm thinking......since sorting clutter is really a "no brain" process, I may have time to do some mental sorting as well and get rid of the clutter that fogs my mind.

I Love Spring!

Catching Up

Last weekend was a whirlwind of activity. I left home on Wednesday, stopped in Asheville to run a few errands and purchase a wedding gift, then on to spend a little time with Daddy. Lots to do there.....his grocery shopping, a quick visit with an aunt and uncle, installing new telephone and tv for daddy, as well as some unexpected time with a childhood friend.

Then came Thursday and on to Columbia. I was running late (due to trying to prolong that time with my dear friend), so when I got to the in-laws house I barely had time to get stuff out of the car and clothes changed before it was off to the bridal luncheon. In fact, Emily (daughter-in-law) ironed the wrinkles out of my skirt while I freshened myself up! Thank you, Emily!! Lunch was great. Then Emily and I ran a few errands, I dropped her back at Granny & Papa's and went to check in to my hotel, get changed again and head downtown for rehearsal.

The rehearsal went off without any hitches and we had a wonderful rehearsal dinner.....complete with a delicious "Chocolate Extreme" cake - YUM!! After rehearsal, Al's plane arrived so went to collect him and then off to hotel for a good night's sleep.

Friday morning Al and Brian went fishing, and Brandon and I went to help set up tables & chairs for the wedding reception. Then time to get cleaned up again and off to the Lace House for the wedding. The Lace House is a beautiful pre-civil war house on the grounds of the SC Governor's Mansion. The wedding was held in the gardens and was absolutely beautiful. It was also unbelievably hot (although thankfully, no rain!).......so hot that I was "glistening" (southern women don't sweat!!) and my glasses kept sliding down my nose! I hope to have pictures posted soon on my Facebook page......that's on my list, but is part of the catching-up process!

Saturday morning we had breakfast together, then we (Al, Brandon and I) left Columbia for Greensboro where we attended a fabulous Gaither Vocal Band Concert on Saturday night. Then Sunday was spent driving back to Asheville to get Al's car at the Asheville Airport, and on home in time to lead choir rehearsal at our church, filling in for the regular choir director who was out of town.

So......as much fun as all that was, the end result - in part due to the fact that I reluctantly admit that I'm not as young as I used to be, and in part due to the heat (mid-90s) which I am not at all used to any more - was that I came home exhausted! Yesterday I tried to at least get some laundry done, but mostly I accomplished nothing. So, today begins the catching up process. I have quite a lengthy list......the "regular" stuff (laundry, etc.), getting ready to begin a new Precept study on Titus tonight, and the basement disaster which I am determined to do something about this week.

I think I need some extra vitamins!

Looking Forward

I'm looking forward this morning......feeling optimistic and excited about the next several days, in spite of the fact that there is SNOW on the ground and it's almost May!!


I'm looking forward....

• to a visit with my dad later today and overnight at his house.


• to traveling to Columbia tomorrow to begin the wedding festivities.


• to seeing my husband tomorrow night........as you may be aware, he travels a LOT, so any time spent together is a treasure!


• to seeing my sons and my grandsons.


• to Amanda's wedding on Friday.


• to spending time with family and friends that I don't get to see very often.

In spite of wind chill in the low 20s and that pesky snow, I'm looking forward.

Clutter

I hate clutter! It makes me nuts!

That does not, however, mean that my home is a clutter-free zone! There is a very big disconnect between what I consider ideal and what is actual reality. The thing that is making me craziest right now is our basement.......it is rapidly becoming a disaster area. Part of the problem is that because most of the area is unheated, it is really cold down there in the winter, particularly when winter is as cold as this one was. Then there is the fact that when we took down Christmas decorations, we didn't exactly put them back where they belong but just got them in the general area.....again, partly at least due to the cold. Last fall we repainted the office, so everything was moved out into the "storage space" and much of it still remains there to this day. In the office, clutter abounds, in part due to my husband's tendency to pile rather than file, as well as to my own procrastination. And not least in the list of reasons for all that clutter is the "stuff" we have accumulated over almost 37 years of marriage. Why we keep most of that stuff is a mystery yet to be solved! Probably the biggest of all reasons for the mess is my Scarlett O'Hara mentality about it all........I'll think about that tomorrow!

When I began this blogging adventure, one of my goals was to see spiritual lessons in the everyday things of life. And I think I have been confronted with a really big lesson here. How often in life we carry burdens/hold on to "stuff" that has no real purpose or value for us. It only weighs us down. Yet we don't stop to deal with it, to clean out the cobwebs and clutter of our lives, of our thinking. We continue to drag it all around with us. I think the mess in my basement is a real life picture of what the Scripture is talking about in Hebrews 12:1 when we are told to lay aside every encumbrance and the sin that entangles us so we can run the race with endurance. Who can run a race while carrying all this stuff around?! It's a picture of what Peter tells us about casting all our burdens on the Lord. We don't have to carry all this stuff through life! As I write that, I can't help but be aware of how much stuff, how many boxes are down in that basement that we have moved more times than I can count, that are full of stuff we never use, books we never read, things we very obviously don't have a need for. Yet, there they are. Why is it so hard to let go of stuff?

So, here's the deal. I'm ready to de-clutter. I'm ready to get rid of that unnecessary stuff. I just can't do it right now. No, I'm trying to procrastinate again. The reality is that the schedule won't allow that this week. Tomorrow morning I'm heading out of town for a day with my dad, then on to Columbia for my niece's wedding on Friday and will not return home until Sunday afternoon. And today is committed to finishing the laundry, doing final piano practice for the wedding, packing, and - I admit it - some pampering time for me with a hair and nail appointment this afternoon.

But I commit right now to begin the decluttering process on Monday. It won't be done in a day.....maybe not even in a week. But the process begins Monday.

A New Week

I'm looking forward to this new week. I'm actually glad it's Monday (you won't hear me say that very often!!) I'm ready for last week to be a distant memory. Not only because of the dreary weather early on in the week, but also because of a couple of situations that frankly hurt my feelings. I don't know if I should say I was irritated or disappointed, or irritated AND disappointed. I guess it's more accurate to say I was both, and primarily because of the unbelievable insensitivity of a couple of people who should know better. So, I'll just say that I was irritated/angry and disappointed and hurt at how the whole situation played out.

But, it's a new week and I am choosing to put all that behind me. Call it a positive attitude or a Philippians 4:8 mentality (look it up if you don't know what I mean), but I am choosing to leave the past behind and focus on the week ahead.

This will be a busy week. There's lots to do to get ready for a visit with my dad, then my niece Amanda's wedding on Friday night, a Gaither Vocal Band concert on Saturday, and traveling back home on Sunday. So who has time to be grumpy? I'm looking forward!

"Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead...." (Philippians :13)

Spring Cleaning

I love spring cleaning! I know......that sounds just a tiny bit strange!! Particularly coming from someone whose favorite pasttime is NOT housecleaning! Maybe it's because it brings back memories of my mother. Every spring (and again in the fall) it was time to clean windows, wash baseboards, clean every drawer and closet, every nook and cranny........not that anything really needed that sort of cleaning because she was an immaculate housekeeper.

But beyond the trips down memory lane, I think it has to do with winter being over and the promise of more sunshine. Winters here tend to be long, damp, cold, dreary affairs.......not as cold as some of the places I have lived (Minnesota, Connecticut, Colorado), but dreary nonetheless. So as the temperatures begin to be a bit warmer and the skies a bit bluer, I'm ready to declutter and do some serious cleaning. Family members have commented that when I'm stressed I tend to clean, so if I'm really stressed, the house will be really clean!! And maybe that's part of it too.......day after day after day of "dreary" is stressful for me. I love sunshine!

So, I'm feeling hopeful today......sunny!! There's a spring in my step, I'm humming a happy tune (can't whistle!!) and all the dust bunnies should be on alert!

As Mr. Rogers would say, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!!

I'm well past the season of life where I wonder how to dress my children for school or for playing outside or for trips to the park/zoo/wherever. I no longer wonder if we'll be able to play outside today.......except when the grandchildren are around, and because they live far away, those days are far between and therefore special (VERY special!) occasions. This is the time of year when I think I'm glad that those days are behind me, and glad that I no longer go every day to a J.O.B. since trying to figure out what to wear in this weather would make me nuts!! This morning is another cold, dreary, on-again-off-again rainy morning......a repeat of yesterday. I'm so thankful for any moisture that comes our way, particularly after the last couple of years of extreme (or exceptional, or whatever the term for "absolute worst possible condition" is) drought. Two years ago (2007) our rain gauge registered less than 6 inches of precipitation for the ENTIRE YEAR! And after the no-water, therefore the spring has dried up experiences of these years, I don't want to complain at all about rain.

HOWEVER........I'm really missing the sun! I'm soooooooo ready for beautiful warm spring days, when I can be outside without layers of clothes, when I can sit on the porch in the rocking chairs, when I could play outside (if I only had those grandchildren to play with!!). Those kinds of days really lift my spirits, not to mention how much better they are for these arthritic bones! I am so looking forward to spring.....real spring, not these teases we have been getting lately. I want to see the sun.

Beyond that, I want to see the SON! So, regardless of the weather.....warm or cool, rainy or sunny, that's where I choose to put my focus........."therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us (or so great a host of clouds and fog surrounding us!) let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Celebrating Easter

I've been reading a lot of posts from friends in the blogosphere and on Facebook about the ways they celebrate Easter. There's a lot of "we always" do this or that......we always go to Sunrise Service at........., we always have breakfast together at........, we always.......... In reading these posts, I realize there isn't much "we always" about my life! I think that is primarily due to how many places we have lived, how much we have moved around. We rarely celebrate something exactly the same way two years in a row!!

But as I think back on the many Easters I have experienced, I have wonderful memories!

• of my childhood Easters, when all the cousins would come to visit (my grandmother lived next door) and we would go to church together, in all our frills and ribbons (mostly girls on that side of the family) and then have an egg hunt in the afternoon.
• of Easters when our sons were just little boys, all cleaned up in their finest going to church and then hiding the eggs in the afternoon. Now they have sons of their own!
• of the years spent in service to the church, as a church pianist, a church organist, a music minister.....planning Easter worship services, presenting the Resurrection story through music and drama.
• of Easter dinners shared with dear friends....."transplanted" as we were and far from family.......of the memories we made together.
• of Easter bunny cake with Bill, Jean and Amy.

Often when I think of Easter, the words of hymns and praise songs run through my mind.......probably a result of those many years of service in the area of church music and worship. Lyrics like....

"How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure....."

"Amazing love, how can it be, that you my King would die for me....."

"And can it be that I should gain an entrance through my Saviour's blood....."

"Hallelujah! What a Saviour!"

This year, I'm looking forward to making more memories, to celebrating with new friends and a new church family. Above all, I'm looking forward to the ultimate celebration......to that day when we see Him face to face!

Just an illusion.....

I guess that spring day was just an illusion. It certainly is a distant memory now. It's been snowing off and on since yesterday afternoon. The wind here on the mountain is blowing at about 25 miles per hour, keeping the wind chill factor hovering around zero. The tulips and daffodils have bowed their heads in grief!

So, instead of being out enjoying the sunshine, I'm inside enjoying a fire, yet another cup of coffee, and remembering what spring was like. On days like this, I really miss living in Florida.

Spring......is it really here?

2 Chronicles 7:14

It has been a busy week since I last sat down to write anything. Last weekend we celebrated our grandson's 3rd birthday.....a fun birthday party followed by a trip to Build-A-Bear to spend the gift card from Nana and Opa (that's us!). I'm glad we were able to experience that with him. Sunday was spent driving back home in time for a "singing"......several churches around the county coming together to share their music, mostly choral, with a few solos. Our choir sang two songs, one of which included a solo by yours truly. I remembered all the words (a good thing....) but the microphone picked that time to malfunction........good thing I have a big mouth!!

The rest of the week has been three steps forward, two steps back as I try to catch up. Not sure how I got so far behind on everything, but it happens! Meanwhile, I have been pondering the lessons uncovered in Monday night's Bible Study group, had a nice visit with my dad on Wednesday, and trying to remain upbeat in a world that is doing its best to prevent that! Just listening to news reports, reading e-mails/having conversation with friends about the current state of affairs in our nation, paying attention to world events is enough to drag a person down.

For many months I have been so burdened for my country and the direction it seems to be heading. I know that many others share this burden. Is there any hope for us? I believe our hope lies not in who occupies the Oval Office or who sits in the Congress, but in 2 Chronicles 7:14......."if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."

Troublesome times are not new. The words of an old gospel song from the last century reflect that.....
"Troublesome times are here, filling men’s hearts with fear, Freedom we all hold dear, now is at stake. Humbling your heart to God saves from the chastening rod. Seek the way pilgrims trod,
Christians awake!"

And in the century before that, people were praying for a revival for this country. Click this link to find out more about the Fulton Street Revival.

I'm praying for my country, for another Great Awakening in this country, that we would truly be a nation under God, that we would humble ourselves and turn from our wicked ways and that God would hear and heal our land. Will you join me?

Focused or Distracted?

One of the first tasks today, as every day, was to talk the dog outside to do her "business". We went out, not for exercise or playtime, but with that sole purpose in mind. But then there was a distraction. With spring in the air, squirrels and chipmunks are on the move. And so off Molly went, chasing the poor squirrel who had the misfortune to be crossing our driveway at that precise moment. Any thought of our original purpose was lost as she ran full throttle after that squirrel. Eventually she gave up the chase and came to the back door, ready to come inside.....never having accomplished the original purpose for going outdoors in the first place.

It occurred to me that this is such an illustration of my life......and perhaps not just me, but most of us, if we were really honest! We get up and begin our day with a purpose, with tasks to be accomplished, with goals for our day, maybe even with a list (6 most important things!!). And then something happens. We are distracted. And maybe the distractions are even worthwhile and/or necessary tasks. Often the distractions are not worthwhile endeavors, just time-wasters. But at the end of the day, the result is the same......the original purpose, the list goes undone.


I think this may be especially true in the spiritual realm. We are committed to staying on track, to living a focused life, a purpose-driven life if you will. We have goals to be accomplished.....a certain time in prayer or Scripture to be studied and/or memorized, as examples. And then "life" happens and we are distracted. Result: at the end of the day, we still have not done what we set out to do.

What's the solution? We certainly can't go through life as automated robots, "performing" only the tasks on "the list". We must be flexible to respond to life as it happens.......to the child who is suddenly running an unexplained fever, to the phone call from a friend or family member with a need, to fatigue, to any number of things as they happen. But how do we maintain our focus, our purpose, in spite of this? How do we avoid the so-called tyranny of the urgent? What does it look like, in real life, to be focused, purposeful, disciplined?

So often my life is more like "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." (Romans 7:19)

But what I want it to be is "let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith". (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Prayer

"Prayer pulls the rope down below and the great bell rings above in the ears of God. Some scarcely stir the bell, for they pray so languidly; others give only an occasional jerk at the rope. But he who communicates with heaven is the man who grasps the rope boldly and pulls continuously with all his might." -- Charles H. Spurgeon


"Evening, morning, and at noon will I pray." (Psalm 55:17)

"Pray without ceasing." (1 Thessalonians 5:17)


What powerful words from this great preacher of days gone by, and what powerful exhortation from the pages of Scripture. As the old hymn says, "oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer."

What a Day!

It's a foggy, wet, gloomy day here in the mountains. I almost expect to see a headless horseman galloping by! (That's a reference to The Legend of Sleepy Hollow for you non-literary types.)
It doesn't feel much like spring either.....not only wet and foggy, but cold. I'm looking forward to a sunnier day, hopefully very soon........which reminds me of a passage in 1 Corinthians 13......

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us. But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 13:12-13 The Message)

Seeing God clearly and knowing Him fully! That's what I'm looking forward to......the day when the mist clears and we no longer see dimly. What a day that will be!