It's been a rough couple of weeks. Very busy weeks, which is part of the problem. Lots of doctor appointments.....annual physical, dentist, mammogram, orthopaedist.....more about that later.
Last weekend I went down to Landrum to take care of a couple of banking things concerning my dad's affairs, then was expecting a relaxing Friday afternoon before everybody else (brother, sister-in-law, hubby) arrived. But when I walked into the kitchen, the floor was covered with water! Not good! And the kitchen light wouldn't come on......apparently old fluorescent bulbs that haven't been on in about a month don't like to get back to work!! So, I couldn't really see where the water was coming from. Turns out there was a leak in the icemaker line, but there was not cut-off, so without turning off the water supply to the entire house, there was nothing to do that would stop the water. Fortunately, Al arrived earlier than anticipated and was able to solve the problem with a $2 thingy from the hardware store!
Once Sam and Debbie arrived we began the task of emptying out the attic and sorting through stuff.....who wants this or that, what gets donated, what gets tossed. An exhausting task, both physically and emotionally.
All the doctor appointments turned out well.....teeth are good, no evidence of cancer, blood pressure under control, weight going in the right direction. And then there was the orthopaedist. That one did not turn out as I had hoped. Following the broken ankle experience a few years ago, once the rehab was done, I had a pretty good ankle.....reasonably flexible considering all the hardware that's in there, no pain, relatively little stiffness. But over the last year or so that condition has changed......lots of pain, no flexibility at all, etc. And since I was pretty much beyond my tolerance level for the pain and was tired of limping around like a little old lady, I made the orthopaedist appointment. I guess my hope was that this would be diagnosed as a hardware problem, that he would say if we take those screws out then your problems will be solved. This is in line with what the original surgeon had said, that sometimes people with my type of injury and surgery have trouble with the screws a few years down the road and they have to come out. So, I was expecting that the worst thing the doctor would say was that I would need another surgery to take the screws out.
I guess the good news in what he did say is that there is nothing I have done - or not done - that would make my condition any different from what it is. But here's the situation. First, I have something called tarsal tunnel tendonitis (I think that's what he called it) which accounts for the pain on the inside of my foot. Then there is the nerve damage that is accounting for the other pain. So I have prescriptions for those issues that "might" help. And that's the good news! Once the x-rays had been taken and the doctor looked at them, he says "your ankle is a mess. It's one of the worst ankles I've ever seen. I'm surprised you can walk at all!" At first I was ready to get upset with him thinking he was being critical of the previous surgeon, but that wasn't what he meant at all. It seems that there was so much damage to my bones when I broke them and the bones lost blood supply so that they are essentially dead, and because of that damage combined with my degenerative arthritis, my ankle has collapsed. So.....either an ankle replacement (not a good surgery, according to the doctor) or an ankle fusion.
Found all that out on Thursday. So I had a pity party for the rest of the day and gave myself until noon yesterday to get over it!! I have found that the best way to deal with a pity party is to set a deadline!! Since then I'm telling myself to put my big girl panties on and deal with it!! Feeling sorry for myself won't make it get better and in the long run only makes me feel worse. So, right now I'm trying to adjust to some new medications which I hope are going to do some good. Right now they are only making me very sleepy and leave me feeling unable to focus! Not a good feeling.
And through it all God is teaching me to give thanks in all things.....even the not so good things!! I admit that right now I am struggling through this lesson, but even in this I know God is in control and has a plan and a purpose!! And I would be less than honest if I didn't admit that knowing that intellectually and actually experiencing it in my "feelings" are two different things right now.
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