A Fifty-Year Silence. A Book Review.

A Fifty-Year Silence: Love, War, and a Ruined House in France by Miranda Richmond Mouillot is the story of a young woman's quest to understand more about her family history, specifically why her grandparents didn't speak to each other for more than fifty years.

In 1948, after surviving World War II by escaping Nazi-occupied France for refugee camps in Switzerland, Anna and Armand bought an old stone house in a remote village in the South of France.  Five years later, Anna packed her bags and walked out on Armand, taking the typewriter and their children.  Aside from one brief encounter, the two never saw or spoke to each other again, never remarried, and never revealed what had divided them.  (From the back cover of the book.)

A Fifty Year Silence is the story of Anna and Armand, but it is Miranda's story as well.  It is the story of the author's journey to discover her grandparents' story and of her own coming of age.  Beginning when she was a young girl and continuing through her college years and beyond, Miranda searches for answers as she seeks to understand her family's history.

In many ways this reads more as a novel or a love story or a mystery than as a memoir.  There are many layers to the family's history, all of them complicated because ultimately it is the story of two Jews who survived the Holocaust.  Trying to understand the complicated relationship between Anna and Armand is the mystery to be solved. What went wrong?  Why such animosity between them?

This is a beautifully written family history.  Miranda, the author, grew up in Asheville, North Carolina, and was very close to her grandmother.  She eventually comes to have a close relationship with her grandfather as well.  Following her quest to understand her grandparents' story and her family history is captivating reading, and hard to put down.  Even though a memoir is not usually my first choice for reading material, I'm glad I took a chance on this one and I enjoyed it very much.

I received a copy of A Fifty Year Silence from Blogging for Books in exchange for my honest opinion.

Milestones

Milestone:  a significant event or stage in the life, progress, development, or the life of a person, nation, etc. (from dictionary.com)

We all have them.  Milestones.  Those significant events in our lives that we can look back on as events that made a difference in who we are, that contributed to our growth as individuals, or that were just a big deal in our lives.

Today is a milestone day for me.

Today marks one month since my total knee replacement surgery.  That is certainly a significant life event, one that has impacted every day of the last month and which will, I certainly hope, have a positive impact on all my future days.  This has been a challenging month.  In many ways, a frustrating month.  But today, as I mark this one month milestone, I am encouraged because I can look back and realize how far I have come in this month.  I'm certainly not where I want to be yet in terms of a fully functioning knee, but I've come a long way, and I'm stronger every day.

This is also a milestone of a different sort.  One year ago today was our last full day in the mountains.  It was on this day, one year ago, that all our furniture was loaded on a truck for the move to South Carolina.  One year ago today was our last full day in the place we had called home for more than nine years.  It was our last morning to wake up to this view:

 

 

 

I can't deny that I often miss this view.  Yet as I mark this milestone, I'm so thankful for all the experiences of this past year in our new home.  We had a wonderful nine years in the mountains.  We experienced the beauty of God's creation in remarkable ways, and during those years, God taught us much about faithfulness and trust and waiting on Him.  We learned a lot about contentment in our years in the mountains.  Those character-building lessons are what I think of most today as I mark this milestone in our lives.

 

Thinking about milestones leads me to recall the time when the Israelites crossed the Jordan River to enter the Promised Land.  You can read that account in the Old Testament book of Joshua, chapters 3 and 4.  They crossed the Jordan River very near this spot:

 

 

 

As they crossed, the priests stood in the middle of the river and the waters parted, so that the Israelites crossed the river on dry ground.  That's a pretty big deal, wouldn't you agree?  Joshua 4:1-8 tells us that after the Israelites had crossed the river, the Lord spoke to Joshua and directed that twelve stones be set up as a memorial of this river crossing.  You may be wondering why.  The answer comes in Joshua 4:22-24.

 

"Then you shall inform your children, saying 'Israel crossed this Jordan on dry ground,' .....that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the LORD is mighty, so that you may fear the LORD your God forever."  (Joshua 4:22, 24 NASB)

 



It's important that we remember.  And that we testify to God's faithfulness.  That we tell our children and our children's children what God has done in our lives.  That we bear witness of all God's goodnesses to us.

 

We may not set up actual stones.  Even so, we need to mark the milestones in our lives.  We need to remember. 

 

On this significant day in my life, I'm remembering.  I'm looking back at what God has done and giving Him thanks.  I'm also looking forward, thanking Him for what He is going to do.  Because God is always at work in our lives, if we will only open our eyes to see.

 

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name.  Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits."  (Psalm 103:1-2, NASB)

 

 

 

 



Out of Tune

In the years since I first sat on a piano bench in our living room and learned to play the brand new spinet piano my parents had purchased for me, I have had opportunity to play many pianos.  Large ones and smaller ones.  Brand new ones and older ones.  Concert grands and small spinets. 

I have played in living rooms and practice rooms.  In churches, large and small.  In gardens and under tents.  In grand concert halls and in much smaller venues.  All these places and all these instruments have something in common.  For a piano to sound its best, no matter who is playing it, it needs to be in tune.

When our younger son was about three years old, he began learning to play the violin.  Although he has since abandoned the violin in favor of the guitar, I still have very vivid memories of those early days with his tiny violin.  The first song he learned to play was Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, followed by five variations on that theme.  From the beginning notes of Twinkle to the Bach minuets that came later, all of us within earshot of Brandon's violin learned early on the importance of an instrument that is in tune.  In fact, I would venture to say that nothing sounds quite as bad as an out of tune violin!

Any musical instrument needs to be in tune to sound its best.  The writer of the hymn Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing used that analogy in this hymn line:

"Come, Thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy praise."*

For us to live life the way God intends, for us to praise Him as we should, for us to be reflecting Jesus and letting our light shine for Him (see Matthew 5:16), we need to be in tune.

However, the reality of life is that sometimes we are out of sorts.  Out of tune.  It happens because life happens.  We are tired or insecure or frustrated.  Our feelings have been hurt. We've been offended.  We're discouraged.  We're angry.  We're sad.
We're jealous.  There are any number of reasons or events or emotions that send us over the edge, and those differ from person to person.  What sends me into an emotional puddle and puts my life out of tune is likely different from what would do the same to you.

During the course of my recovery from knee replacement surgery,  I have occasionally found myself a bit out of sorts.  Out of tune.  Perhaps it's all part of the natural course of things following major surgery.  I was particularly out of tune a couple of weeks ago after that Thursday's physical therapy session was especially challenging (translation: painful).  I was tired and sore and discouraged.  I was frustrated.  And so began my out-of-tune-ness. 

Through that weekend, I didn't sleep well, which left me very tired.  Another reason to be out of tune.  I continued with my exercises, but didn't feel I was making any progress at all.  More out of tune.  I wasn't able to attend a conference I had wanted to attend. Even more out of tune.  And on and on it went.

That's a brief synopsis of what caused me to get out of tune. You may not relate to any of that. The circumstances of my life are not the same as yours. You may be out of tune because of a personal relationship.  Or a financial difficulty.  Maybe you lost your job or your spouse was laid off.  Maybe there's an issue with one of your children or your grandchildren. Maybe you were falsely accused of something.  Maybe someone you thought was your friend turned out not to be. Maybe your best friend is being anything but friendly.  Whether finances or relationships or something entirely different, you may find yourself a bit out of sorts.  Out of tune.

There are as many reasons for being out of tune as there are people.  Perhaps more.  We all have different life circumstances.  We all respond differently.

Whether we have a major meltdown or we are just a bit out of sorts, the reality of life is that from time to time each of us is a bit out of tune.  When those times come, and they will, what are we to do?

1. Read and Remember.

I am a big advocate for writing things down.  Writing down your prayer list.  Writing out your prayers.  Keeping a gratitude journal and writing down all the reasons you have for being grateful.  These out-of-tune-times prove the value of those lists.  When you are out of tune, when you are discouraged, when you are frustrated, when you feel you've hit rock bottom.......these are the times you get your journal out, not so much for writing as for reading.  In these out-of-tune-times you read back through your lists and you remember.

When you refresh your memory with all the good things about your life, with all the ways God has blessed you, and with all the good things that have happened to you, then you are encouraged.  Reading the list helps you remember God's goodness to you.  When you remember how good God has been and remember all the ways He has blessed you, your focus is turned away from your negative circumstances.

"This I recall to my mind, and therefore I have hope.  The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.  Great is your faithfulness."  (Lamentation 3:21-22 NASB)

2. Change your focus.

Often we are out of tune because we are spending so much time thinking about everything that is wrong with life.  This focus only causes us to be more out of tune.  Turn your focus away from yourself and your circumstances, and toward God. This requires a deliberate act of your will.  Choose to think differently.  Choose to change your focus.  Think about God, about His character and His ways.  Think about the names by which He is called in Scripture.  Make a deliberate effort to focus your attention toward Him and away from your circumstances.

"Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith."  (Hebrews 12:2 NASB)

3. Talk about it.

I don't mean talk about it to your friend or your neighbor or to the entire social media community.  Rather, I mean talk to the Lord about it.  Tell Him exactly how you feel, and why.  Pour out your heart to Him.  In the words of the old hymn, "Are you weary, are you heavy-hearted?  Tell it to Jesus."**

Spending time in prayer, being honest with God, is the best way I know to get your heart back in tune.

"casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."  (1 Peter 5:7 NASB)

4. Choose joy.

Make a deliberate choice, as an act of your will rather than your emotions, to choose to be joyful in spite of your circumstances.  It may take a while for your circumstances to change.  Just like a piano, the more out of tune your life is, the longer it will take to tune it.  But no matter how long it takes for circumstances to change, and even if they never do, choose joy.

Make the choice.  I've often heard Kay Arthur say we should "Philippians 4:8" everything.  It's good advice.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."  (Philippians 4:8, NASB)

I was out of tune for several days.  Remembering and refocusing and talking to the Lord helped get me back in tune. If you're feeling a little out of tune today, I'm praying these suggestions will help get you back in tune, too.


"Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  (Hebrews 4:16 NASB)


 * Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing:  words, Robert Robinson; music, John Wyeth
**Tell It to Jesus:  words and music, Edmund S. Lorenz

Thankful Tuesday. It's the Little Things.

Before we bought this house we now call home, the previous owner had made a few upgrades to the kitchen.  He had done this on the advice of his realtor, who told him the house would be easier to sell with these upgrades already in place.  Thanks to that realtor, we have some really nice granite countertops instead of the laminate ones that were in place previously.  Along with the granite countertops came a new kitchen sink, a nice under-mount one, and a really nice new faucet.  That's where the upgrading stopped, and the old, original-to-the-house, garbage disposal was left in place.

Like most older model garbage disposals, that one was loud.  Really loud.  And in the almost year that we have lived here, it only got louder.  For the past few weeks, it was so loud as to be almost unbearable.  Finally, about a week ago, I couldn't stand it any more and asked Al to just please stop using it.  (He's still doing the cooking and the clean-up while I'm recuperating.) The noise and the vibration were just more than I could stand!

Last Friday we had a new disposal installed.  Happy, happy, happy!  This one makes so little noise, you almost don't know it's running.  The difference is amazing.

A garbage disposal seems like such a little thing.  Until it becomes such a big annoyance.  Today, I'm thankful to have a garbage disposal.  I'm thankful to have a new, quiet garbage disposal. 

It's just one of many little things for which I'm thankful today.

I'm thankful to be recovering well from surgery.  I'm thankful for all the friends and family who have been so encouraging along this journey.  I'm thankful for all the above-and-beyond things my sweet husband has been doing over these last few weeks, like cooking and clean-up and laundry.  I'm thankful for the ice machine that helps keep the swelling down around my new knee. I'm thankful for every encouraging note and card and text and phone call that have come my way these last few weeks.  I'm thankful for my doctor and my physical therapist.  I'm thankful to have progressed from a walker to a cane. 

And I'm thankful for my new garbage disposal.

Just thankful.  Because even little things are a really big deal!

"In everything give thanks."  (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Diary of a Knee Replacement. Four Weeks Later

What's it like to have a knee replaced?  I can't speak for everyone who has been through this experience, but for me, the first few days following surgery were not too bad.  There was some pain, but no worse than I had experienced on a consistent basis prior to surgery.  There was some nausea, probably from the pain or the pain meds.  I was really tired. 

I spent a couple of days in the hospital, not getting much rest, since they were very closely monitoring my vital signs, especially my blood pressure, which had gone pretty low.  And being awakened at 4AM by someone wanting to draw your blood is not the way to get a good night's sleep!

Since I came home from the hospital, I have spent a lot of time sitting in a chair with ice on my knee.  I read, I nap, and I watch TV.  From time to time, I practice walking, first with the walker and now with a cane.  I do my therapy exercises.  Then I sit some more!

This is how I spend a lot of my time these days - at physical therapy.

 

 

 

 

 

If you're thinking that doesn't look like much fun, you would be exactly right.  It's no fun at all.   It's hard work.

 

That's what it's like to have a knee replaced.  Hard.

 

Everybody says it will be worth it.  The jury's still out on that one.  I'll let you know.

 

 

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NASB)



 

At All Times

 

If I were to point to one particular passage of Scripture and claim it as a "life verse", it would be this passage from Psalm 34:

"I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.  O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name together."  (Psalm 34:1,3 NASB)

It's a worthy goal, don't you think?  To bless the Lord at all times.  To praise Him continually.

However, sometimes that is easier said than done.  It's the at all times part that trips me up.

At all times means exactly that.  At all times.

Even when the world around me is falling apart.

Even when the death of a single musician, no matter how talented, can bring the world to a standstill.

Even when the world seems to have gone crazy and common sense is no longer common.

Even when politicians declare the nation of Israel to be our greatest threat to national security.

Even when they declare that grown men and innocent little girls should use the same restrooms.

Even when they pontificate that climate change is the greatest threat to our existence.

Even when the road in front of my neighborhood is being paved, making it really, really difficult to get anywhere on time.

Even when I'm struggling through another physical therapy session, trying to get this knee to bend just a few more degrees.

Even when I'm lonely.  Or hurting.  Or feeling a bit sad.  Or feeling a bit unnecessary, as my daddy used to say.

Even then.

In all those times.  In the bad times.  And the good times.  And all the in between times.

At all times.

He is "the same yesterday and today and forever."  (Hebrews 13:8 NASB)

And He is worthy of our praise.

At all times.

Because no matter what is going on in the world around us, this truth remains:

"I, the LORD, do not change."  (Malachi 3:6a NASB)

All's Right With the World

 

Yesterday was a therapy day.  Following the routine of all other therapy days, my session began on the recumbent stepper machine, to warm up my leg muscles.  The machine faces the window, so as usual, while I'm going through the motions on the machine, yesterday I found myself staring out the window and daydreaming.

 

Yesterday's view looked something like this:

 

 

 

As I stared out the window and as my mind was wandering, I found myself recalling a line from Robert Browning's poem Pippa Passes.  The most famous section of that poem goes like this:





 

The year’s at the spring,

And day’s at the morn;

Morning’s at seven;

The hill-side’s dew-pearled;

The lark’s on the wing;

The snail’s on the thorn;

God’s in His heaven—

All’s right with the world!



It's that last bit that grabbed my attention yesterday.  God's in His heaven - All's right with the world.

It's a lovely thought.  But really, there's a lot that's not right with the world right now.  Earthquakes and suffering.  Illness and bereavement.  And let's don't even get started discussing bathroom issues or presidential politics.

We can name a lot that is not right in our world today.  But in spite of all the things that seem not right in our world, Browning was exactly right when he wrote that line.

Because no matter what is going on in the world.  No matter who is elected the next President of these United States, whether Bernie or Hillary or Trump or Cruz. No matter how bad things seem, the absolute truth is that God is in control.

Browning echoes a truth from the pages of Scripture.  No matter what is going on in our world, God is in control.  And so, no matter what our circumstances may be, we can rest in that truth.  God is on His throne.  God is in control.

God's in his heaven - all's right with the world.  (Robert Browning)

"For His dominion is an everlasting dominion, and His kingdom endures from generation to generation.  All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, but He does according to His will in the host of heaven, and among the inhabitants of earth, and no one can ward off His hand, or say to Him, 'What have You done?'" (Daniel 4:34b-35 NASB)

The Word of the Day

In a comment on one of my Facebook posts, a friend said she was praying "for healing and fortitude" (thank you, Doris!).  Since I read that comment, I've been thinking a lot about that word. 

Fortitude.  mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously.  (from dictionary.com)

Fortitude is not a word we use all that often in our daily conversations.  But it's a good word.  And one that is very appropriate in my circumstances.

I've struggled this week.  Rehab following knee replacement is hard.  Hard.  My surgeon says it's the most difficult of all the joints to rehab.  And it's not just hard physically.  It's hard mentally.  And emotionally.  It's easy to get frustrated and discouraged.

Which is where fortitude comes in.  I'm making good progress in my rehab.  But there are times when it doesn't seem like it.  That's when the frustration and discouragement come - when my feelings get in the way of what I know to be true.

That's true following knee replacement.  It's true in every circumstance of life. 

You may need some fortitude today.  Whether for a physical condition, or a financial challenge, or a relationship, or just because the daily grind of life is getting you down.

That's what I'm praying for today.  Fortitude.  For you and for me.  May God by His Spirit grant us the fortitude we need to face whatever challenge comes our way today.

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous!  Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."  (Joshua 1:9, NASB)

A Morning Prayer

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." (Psalm 143:8 NIV)

Prone to Complain

Come, thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace;  

 Streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise.

  Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, mount of thy redeeming love.

(words-Robert Richardson, music- Wyeth's Repository of Sacred Music)

This is one of my favorite hymns.  Perhaps it's one of your favorites as well.
I was thinking about this hymn this morning, particularly a line in the third verse.  That line says, "prone to wander, Lord, I feel it.  Prone to leave the God I love."

The "prone to wander" line leads me to recall the time the Israelites spent wandering in the wilderness, after they had left Egypt and before they entered the Promised Land.   We're often "prone to criticize" the Israelites for their wanderings, yet we often "wander" as well, don't we?  We're not always prompt in our obedience to what the Lord tells us to do, which can leave us wandering pretty aimlessly through life.

But today as I have been thinking about that line from the hymn, I've been thinking we could rewrite the line as "prone to complain".    The Israelites complained a lot on their journey through the wilderness.  They complained about the food.  More accurately, they complained about the lack of all the good food they had enjoyed in Egypt.  (I guess they forgot the part about being slaves!)  They complained about the dust.  And about having no water.  Complain, complain, complain.

It's the American way, isn't it?  Complain about everything! We are a complaining people.  We complain about the weather.  And the traffic.  We complain about the time change.  When we don't get our way, we complain.  We complain about taxes.  And about politicians.

There's been a lot of complaining in that regard during this campaign season.  I've watched with interest recently as a particular candidate has complained that the rules are "unfair" to him.  The rules haven't changed, at least as far as I am aware, since the campaign began, so these are the same rules the candidate agreed to from the beginning.  However, now that the momentum seems to have shifted a bit away from him and toward another candidate, the rules have suddenly become "unfair".  And he complains.  Loudly.  And often.

Political candidates are not the only complainers.  We the people complain about all sorts of things.  The weather.  Politics.  The news media.  The government.  Anything and everything.

I know I find myself often doing that. Complaining instead of being grateful.  Shame on us. We're such whiners! Why is that?  Why are we such complainers?  Why do we spend so much time focusing on what's wrong with life and never focusing on what's right with life? Why are we never content, but always finding something else to complain about?  It's too hot.  It's too cold.  It rains too much.  It never rains.  And on and on we go.

We aren't born with a "contentment gene".  Contentment is a learned behavior.  Paul didn't say "I am content."  He said, " I have learned to be content." (Philippians 4:11 NASB)

He also said, "Do all things without grumbling."  (Philippians 2:14 NASB)

How do we learn to be content?  How do we learn to do all things without grumbling?

I confess I have done some grumbling lately.  Every time I go to physical therapy.  Every time I do my therapy exercises here at home.  And at all sorts of times in between. There it is again.  Grumbling.  Whining.  Complaining.

You probably do the same thing.  Maybe not about physical therapy.  But about something.  Or perhaps someone.

How do we get past that?  How do we learn to be content?  How do we learn not to grumble?

We learn that in the same way as we learn anything else.  By practice.  By repetition.  By effort.  By focus.  Focusing on the reasons we have to be content, to be grateful, rather than on the reasons we have for complaining.

Today might be a good day to start.  We often focus on gratitude in the month of November, as we celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday.  But do we really want to wait until November?  Do we really want to limit our good behavior, our gratefulness, our contentment, to only one month of the year? 

Why not start today?  Just do it.  Start focusing on all the reasons you have to be grateful.  Start focusing on all the things that are right in your world, rather than all the things that are wrong.  Make a conscious effort not to complain!  And if you catch yourself starting to complain or to whine or to grumble, just stop it!  Mid-sentence, if necessary!

To keep your thoughts focused in the right direction, if you haven't already, start a gratitude journal, listing all the things you have to be thankful for.  Every day, add at least one thing to your list.  Make a conscious effort not to complain.

It's a good beginning.  A good way to turn your focus away from complaining and toward learning contentment.

Why not begin learning today?

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content......In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me."  (Philippians 4:11-13 ESV, emphasis mine)

Diary of a Knee Replacement. Week Three.

On Monday morning three weeks ago I had knee replacement surgery.  It was out with the old and in with the new.  These three weeks since surgery have gone by very quickly.  My days have been filled with exercise and physical therapy and doctor appointments and my ice machine.  All this will be very familiar to anyone who has traveled this joint replacement path.

I have walked around the house, up and down the hall, and out onto the porch more times than I can count. I have even ventured out to walk on the driveway!  I'm still using a walker, but I'm beginning to practice with a cane.  I'm not ready for full-time cane-walking quite yet, and certainly not quite ready to walk unassisted.  But I'm doing well.  Walking is getting better.  My stamina is increasing.  I'm making good progress.

Besides the walking and the exercises and the trips to physical therapy, I've done a lot of reading.  I finished a couple of books; I started and immediately discarded several more.  I'm currently reading The Braque Connection by Estelle Ryan, a tale of forged masterpieces, hidden messages, kidnappings, and other intrigue.  I'm enjoying it very much.  Once I finish this, I'm planning to read Standing in the Rainbow by Fannie Flagg, which was a gift from a friend following my surgery.

On a non-fiction front, I've just begun habits of grace by David Mathis.  Even though I haven't read very far into this one yet, I can already tell you it's one you might want to consider reading.

I've also done quite a bit of TV-watching during these three weeks as well.  I've spent time hopping back and forth between the Food Network and HGTV, with occasional stops at the DIY channel and the Travel Channel.  There was an NCIS marathon one day last week on the USA network, so I was tuned into that for the entire day.  NCIS is, after all, my favorite TV show. 

Other than the progress I've made rehabbing my new knee, I'm most pleased that I have had some productive writing time during these weeks.  I have been blogging, of course, and have a list of potential blog topics I'm considering.  After panicking over my lost notes (the outline, the notes, and the not-yet-quite-completed manuscript), I found all that over the weekend, and am now making good progress on a Christmas devotional I'm writing, which hopefully will be published in time for this year's Christmas season.  In addition, I had an article published on www.prayerideas.org,  a website devoted to prayer.  You can check it out here:  http://www.prayerideas.org/wp/how_to_pray/prayer-lifestyle/improving-your-prayer-life-by-writing-down-lists-and-prayers/

Busy, busy, busy.  Who knew recovering from knee replacement surgery would be such a busy time?

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might."  (Ecclesiastes 9:10 NASB)

Always. But Not Always.

God always answers prayer. 

Sometimes the answer is yes.  Sometimes it's no.  Sometimes it's not right now.

But God always answers.

He just doesn't always answer exactly as we would like Him to.

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, we had our bedtime prayer together.  One of the specific things we prayed for was a good night's sleep.

One of the consequences of my surgery, for me, is a fatigue that never seems to go away.  At least in part, it's because of my RA.  Fatigue is a fact of life.  And having a replacement part hasn't made the RA disappear.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  The stress of major surgery has caused the RA to rear its ugly head, lest I forget it's still there.  As if I could.  So, there's the RA fatigue.  And there's the trying to get comfortable in bed at night, which is easier said than done these days.  Maybe part of my problem is that I'm sleeping too much in the daytime.  But I can't seem to help myself.  I sit down.  I go to sleep.  That's how it is.  So, I'm tired, and could really use a good night of uninterrupted sleep.

Meanwhile, Al is also fatigued.  He still has his "day job" to deal with.  And there's the stress of overseeing his parents' care from a distance.  There's the housekeeping and the cooking and the grocery shopping and the laundry, and all those things I normally do but am unable to do right now.  There are all his responsibilities as my caregiver, dispensing meds and keeping the ice machine filled and driving me to therapy and all those things.  As a result, he is understandably tired.  Very tired.  He could use a good night of uninterrupted sleep.

That's what we prayed for last night.  But things didn't turn out as we had hoped. 

About 2AM, one of our smoke detectors went off.  Just one short sound, and then no more.  Just enough to interrupt sleep.  Just enough to have to get up and try to figure out what's going on.  Just enough to ruin a good night's sleep.

I'm not sure what that was all about.  I'm not sure why, when we had prayed specifically for a good night of uninterrupted sleep, God did not answer in the way we had hoped.

What I am sure of is that God answers prayer.  Always.

I am equally sure that He doesn't always answer exactly as we wish He would.

Last night is proof of that.

Does that mean I should stop praying?

Of course not.

It means I continue to pray.  And to trust.  And to believe that God has a plan and a purpose for all things.  And that His way is best.

Even when I don't understand.

Even when I'm tired.

Because God always answers.  Just not always the way I expect.

Even so, I continue to pray.

And tonight I will pray again for a good night of uninterrupted sleep.  Perhaps this will be the night He says yes.

[Jesus said] "Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you." (Mark 11:24 NASB)

[Jesus said], "Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son."  (John 14:13 NASB)

A Lasting Impact

A friend went to be with Jesus this week.  In recent years, she had waged a valiant battle against cancer.  This week, she lost that battle.

Perhaps it's not completely accurate to say she lost.  Perhaps it's more accurate to say she lost the battle, but won the war.  Yes, cancer took her life.  But today, and for all of eternity, she is in the presence of her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  She is spending forever in the presence of the One she loved and served so well here on earth.  She is experiencing the truth of what Paul wrote in Philippians 1:21:  For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

I haven't seen this friend for quite a number of years, but we had stayed connected through e-mail and through Facebook, and more recently, through her CaringBridge posts.  And even though many years have passed, the impact of her life on mine continues.

She was an encourager.  A prayer warrior.  A woman who loved her friends and her family. A woman who loved Jesus with all her being, and who committed her life to helping others know and love Him, too.

Meg lived her life on purpose.

She left us quite an example of what that means.  Countless lives around the world, including my own, have been impacted by this woman who understood what it means to live on purpose.  To be all in for Jesus.  To follow hard after Him.

Many years ago, as we were preparing to leave Minnesota and head into a not-yet-known future, as we were filled with uncertainties while following where God was leading, I received a letter from Meg.  In part, this is what she wrote:

I am praying GRACE and PEACE for you as you finish packing, pull up roots, and prepare to plant them again, as Abraham did, in a "country you know not".  May He make His loving and sovereign control of your lives very evident in lots of little and big ways this season!  Grieve the losses, and look forward to the new and good surprises He has in store.  If possible, at the same time.  If not, then know in His good time He will restore and heal and bring smiles to your face, and along the way, give strength for each new day.

That I still have that letter, that it is a treasured possession, that I can quote it almost in its entirety.  Those things are among the evidences of the impact Meg had on my life.

In these days as the grieving process begins, and life without Meg becomes reality for her family and friends, her words are the prayer of my heart for her husband, her children, for all who knew and loved her.

"May [God] in His good time restore and heal and bring smiles to your face, and along the way, give strength for each new day."

What an impact Meg had on me and on so many others.  What an example she left us.  May we - may I - be as faithful to follow hard after God.  To live my life out loud for Jesus.  To live life on purpose.

"It is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.  For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."  (Philippians 1:20-21 ESV)

Worst. Game. Ever.

When I was a young married woman, we often had Sunday lunch with Al's parents.  And often, there were many other relatives there as well, a house filled with people.  Typically after lunch, the men went to the den and the women to the living room.  I don't know what the men talked about.  I only remember being horrified that all these older-than-I women seemed to talk about was their aches and pains, and their medicines, and the scars from their surgeries.  I remember thinking, is this what I have to look forward to?

I have now entered the season of life where I suppose I would have something to contribute to those conversations.  I have my own set of surgery scars and my own assortment of prescriptions to talk about.  Yet even now I find myself wondering why that is such a fascinating topic of conversation.  As a young woman, I was a little intimidated by all those conversations about aches and pains and surgery scars, even as I was also horrified by them.  In many ways, nothing has changed.

I say nothing has changed, because now, some forty years later, I have observed that the conversations are still very much the same.  People still love to talk about their aches and pains, and their medicines, and their surgeries.  Additionally, it seems that everyone wants to be sure their particular malady is the "star of the show".  In other words, Linda Sue wants to be sure you know that her particular ailment has been written up in medical journals as the worst case of (whatever) on record, while Sally Jo is certain no one ever had such a difficult child-birth as when her babies were born, but Betty Ann can outdo everybody with how long she was in the hospital and how many infections she had and the rare diagnosis she got.  On and on it goes.  In every conversation, we're all trying to outdo each other.  My ingrown toenail was much more traumatic than your quadruple bypass.  My headaches have been written up in medical journals.  I had to travel to [insert big-name hospital] to have my bruised elbow diagnosed.  On and on and on it goes.  Names have been changed to protect the guilty!

Some things just don't change, I guess.  From one generation to the next, human nature is still the same.  It's part of our nature to want to be the center of attention.  To be the star of the show.  And so we continue to play the game.

You know the game I mean.  I'm not talking about baseball or football or hockey.  Or about Monopoly or Clue or Angry Birds.  Or about a card game or a video game.

It's the game we all play.  The one we deny playing, but we play all the same.  We're all too familiar with this game.  And it's the worst.  Worst. Game. Ever.

It's the comparison game.  The game no one can win.  The game where we take over the conversations to be sure everyone knows just how sick we really are.  Or how much we've had to suffer.  Far more than any body else.  It's the game where we try, in vain, to prove that we're just a little bit more.  More important.  More sick.  More suffering.  More pitiful.  More whatever. 

At the same time, it's the game where we never quite measure up.  Where we're always feeling less than. 

Less pretty.  Less talented.  Less intelligent.  Less useful.  Less.

It's a terrible game. It's a game we can't win.  Because no matter how much we try to prove by our boasting or our complaining or our pushing ourselves to the center of the conversation, that we are more than, better than, we still, down deep on the inside, feel less than.

The root problem, the real reason we try so hard to appear to be more than even when we are feeling so less than, is that all these comparisons we make are based on a false premise.

This comparison game we play is based on the premise that what I think someone else is thinking about me is actually what they're thinking.  And most of the time, maybe even all the time, what they are actually thinking is miles away from what I think they are thinking.

Even more important, what "they" think of me doesn't really matter so much anyway, does it?  Isn't what the Lord thinks of me what really matters?  That's what we tell ourselves we believe, and most of the time we probably do.  But then there are those times when that little voice inside our heads starts talking to us and convinces us that we are less.  And so we start playing "the game".  Worst. Game. Ever.

It's the "I'm Completely Inadequate" game.  Also known as the "I'm Not Quite Good Enough" game.  Sometimes known as the "Nobody Else Ever Has Any Problems" game.  Or the "Nobody Really Understands Just How Hard My Life Is".  Or "Nobody Really Knows What I've Been Through".

There are all sorts of variations to this game.  The game has no rules.  We all make up our own rules.  And don't pretend you've never played this game.

We play it when we are tired or when we are frustrated or when we are scared.  We play it when we are feeling intimidated.  We play it when we are trying to fit in.  Or when we are trying to make a good first impression.  It happens when we listen to our sister or our best friend or our neighbor or our church acquaintance or someone we just met.  You know her.  She bakes her own bread and grows all her own vegetables and upholsters furniture and makes drapes and has perfect children who are perfectly dressed and she has a perfect haircut and only eats organic food and goes on three cruises every year and never has any worries about money and she just finished her first novel which is now on the best-seller list.

The problem begins when we compare our worst day to her best.  Or at least what she reveals or what we perceive that to be.

But the real problem is not that we're making a comparison of worst to best.  The real problem is making a comparison at all.

How much better life would be if we would stop playing this game.  If we could teach ourselves to stop making comparisons.  If we could learn to be content.  If we could shift our focus from what someone else is or has or does, and focus on becoming all that God intends each of us individually to be.  If we could keep our eyes fixed on Jesus rather than on someone else.  If we could be encouraging others to keep their eyes fixed on Him rather than keeping their eyes fixed on us. If we could focus on running the race He has set before us, rather than focusing on the race He set before someone else, or trying to run their race, or wishing we could. 

Perhaps that's the real secret to contentment.  Eyes fixed on Jesus.  Not on our neighbor or our friend or the celebrity on TV.  Not on what someone else has or does.  Not on our circumstances.

Eyes fixed on Jesus. 

Not on playing that silly comparison game. 

Which is the Worst. Game. Ever.


"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  (Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV, emphasis mine)

Up With The Good.....Down With The Bad

For more than ten years, this has been my mantra:  up with the good, down with the bad.  It's how my physical therapist taught me to approach stairs during the rehab following my broken ankle.

For all these post-broken-and-now-fused-ankle years, this mantra has served me well.

Until now.

In these two weeks since my knee replacement surgery, this mantra has become a source of confusion.

You see, I broke my left ankle, and I just had my right knee replaced.

For these 10+ years, the left side was the bad side.  At least it was the bad side until the right knee became such a problem.  Then there really wasn't a good side.  And now, post-knee-replacement, the left side has become the good side - in theory at least - and the right side, which used to be the good side, is now the bad side. 

You see my dilemma.  It's all backwards.

Now I have to stop and think.  What had become a habit of life is no longer quite the same.  I can't function on auto-pilot anymore! 

But thinking is really a good thing.  And not just when it comes to remembering which is the good side.  When I'm going out the front door, which foot goes first?  I have to stop and think.  When I come back from my physical therapy appointment and have to go up the steps to the front door, which foot goes first?  I have to stop and think.

Up with the good, down with the bad.  Stop and think.  Which one is the good?

It's a good way to remember how to approach stairs if you have orthopedic issues.  But it's a good thing to remember for life in general.

Think about it that way for a minute.  Up with the good.  Down with the bad.

Apply that principle to the things you read.  Whether books or magazines or social media.

Apply that principle to things you watch.  Whether on television or at the movie theater or on social media.

Apply that principle to things you listen to.  Whether radio or television or social media or even conversations.

Don't go through life on auto-pilot.  Don't blindly follow the crowd.  Stop and think.

Up with the good.

Down with the bad.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  (Philippians 4:8 ESV, emphasis mine)

Two Weeks Later. It's a Process.

Several weeks ago, as I was reading up on knee replacement surgery, trying to learn all I could and be as prepared as I could for my surgery, I read somewhere that recovering from the surgery is like a full-time job.  I don't know who said that, but I think they were right! 

This is quite a time-consuming process.  And not just in the sense that it takes weeks, perhaps months, to fully recover.  I'm talking about everything that is a part of the recovery process.  Go to physical therapy.  Do the physical therapy at home, three times a day.  Use the ice machine.  Get up and practice walking.  Remember to take your meds, not only the pain pills as necessary, but all those other things as well, like iron pills for my anemia and aspirin to keep my blood thin and stool softeners for.....well, you know what that's for!  Remember to wear your compression hose, except for that brief respite one hour a day.  There's just a lot to remember in this process.  Maybe that explains, at least in part, why I'm so tired!

Yesterday marked two weeks since my surgery.  Has it really only been two weeks?  These two weeks have been filled with highs and lows, with good days and bad.  It's all part of the process.

The process continued today as I had my first post-op appointment.  The best part of that appointment was that the staples were removed.  The doctor is pleased with my progress, and I'm to continue doing what I'm doing until I see him again in another month.  And so the process continues.

I'll continue doing therapy and applying ice and taking my meds and all the other things that are part of the process so that, before too much longer, I'll be walking normally and unassisted.  The process continues until the desired goal is achieved.

In that way, this whole knee replacement adventure is much like life in general.  It's a process.  I must be disciplined to do the things that are required of me in order to achieve the desired outcome.  The doctor has done his part, and now I must do mine.

Just like life.  God has a plan.  For me.  For you.  For all of mankind.  He has done His part.  He gave us life.  And He has provided a way for new life, by the sacrifice of His Son Jesus, to pay our sin debt, to give us access to the Father, and to give us abundant life, both here and in the life to come.

[Jesus said] "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."  (John 10:10 NASB)

That's God's part.  Our part is committing our lives to Christ.  Accepting, by faith, the free gift of salvation that is offered to us.  And then living day by day, moment by moment, by the principles and precepts that God lays out for us in His Word.

Will we get it right all the time?  No.  Will we make mistakes?  Of course we will.  Will we have good days and bad, highs and lows?  Certainly.  It's all part of the process.  The process by which God is working all these things together for our good and His glory.  The process by which He is conforming us to the image of His Son.

It's a process.  And we continue the process until the desired goal is achieved.  Until this life is completed, and we are finally, once and for all time, in the presence of the One who gave His life for us.

Until then, the process continues.  We press on.

"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 3:14 NASB)


"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.  For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son."  (Romans 8:28-29a NASB)

The Power of a Handwritten Note

When was the last time you got a handwritten note in the mail? 

It's a lost art, really.  And that's sad.

We sometimes get notes via e-mail.  Or maybe we get texts.  Or tweets.  Or Facebook messages.

But what about a handwritten note.  In an envelope.  With a stamp on it.

We may get a birthday card or a Christmas card, and those occasionally come with a hastily scribbled personal message.  But not often.

I've been blessed and encouraged during this period of recovery from knee surgery by a number of messages from friends and family members.  Texts, messages, e-mails, Facebook posts.  Even a number of get-well cards that came via snail mail!  I have read each one, treasuring each message.  But the ones that have meant the most to me came in an envelope, with a stamp, and were not only signed, but contained a hand-written note.  Sometimes just a sentence.  Sometimes two. Occasionally a paragraph.  Handwritten and intended just for me. 

Handwritten notes are rare these days. The occasionally come for birthdays or Christmas or during times of sickness.  Even then, they are rare.  Even more rare are the handwritten notes that come just because.  And I think that's incredibly sad. 

Perhaps we're in too big a hurry.  Or we're too stressed.  Or perhaps it's because we have managed in our culture to condense all our communications to 140 characters, electronically transmitted.

I have a box in my closet, and a file folder in my desk drawer, of handwritten notes I've received over the years.  Some on fancy stationery.  Some on a cute card.  Some on plain, lined, notebook paper.  Some on the cover of the church bulletin.  I always save handwritten notes.  When I first began this habit, I had no idea that one day they would be nearly as extinct as the dinosaur!

Sometimes, particularly on tough days or dreary days or days when nothing seems to be going right, I reach into the folder and pull out a note.  And reading the note again encourages me.  Lifts my spirits. 

That's the power of a handwritten note.  Its effect goes far beyond its initial reading; it lasts and lasts and lasts.

Could it be time for us to revive the art of note writing?  To slow down a bit and send a word of encouragement, a word that will last. 

Yes, it will take time.  And effort.  And yes, we will have to perhaps buy some note cards and envelopes.  And yes, stamps are expensive.  But what is it worth to encourage someone today?

When was the last time you encouraged someone?  When was the last time you sat down and wrote a note?  On paper.  With a pen.

Why not do it today?  I dare you.

"....encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."  (Hebrews 10:25 ESV)

The Little Paris Bookshop. A Book Review.

As I was browsing available books, looking for my next selection to read, The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George appealed to me right away.  I love Paris.  I love bookshops.  So, a book about a bookshop in Paris grabbed my attention.  After all, what's not to love about Paris and bookshops?  Quite a lot, as it turns out.

Apparently I'm in the minority when it comes to my opinion about this book.  It spent some time on the New York Times Bestseller List, and was recommended by Oprah.com.  Even so, I was very disappointed in this book.

Some reviewers have called this book "enchanting"; others called it "engaging."  I call it boring.

The little Paris bookshop in question is a floating bookstore in a barge on the Seine.  Monsieur Perdu, shopkeeper of The Literary Apothecary, "prescribes" books for his customers, claiming that he can discern exactly what book is appropriate for each person after having only brief conversation with them. 

“There are books that are suitable for a million people, others for only a hundred. There are even remedies—I mean books—that were written for one person only…A book is both medic and medicine at once. It makes a diagnosis as well as offering therapy. Putting the right novels to the appropriate ailments: that’s how I sell books.”

Monsieur Perdu is unable, however, to discern what to do about his own broken heart, having been abandoned - or so he thinks - by the love of his life some twenty years previously.  She left him with only a letter, which has remained unopened for all these twenty years.  Once he finally reads the letter, he sets out on a journey to the south of France, hoping to find the end of the story.

I wanted to like a book about a floating bookshop in the middle of Paris.  I wanted to like a book set in Paris.  I wanted to enjoy getting to know Monsieur Perdu.  Instead, I found myself bored very quickly, to the point that I skimmed, rather than read, most of the book.  The only redeeming thing for me was the collection of Provencal recipes at the very end.

I received a copy of The Little Paris Bookshop from Blogging for Books in exchange for my honest opinion.

And the Good News Is......

I have several bits of good news to report this morning.

First, I slept better last night than I have since surgery.  I only woke up once, around 3AM, and went right back to sleep.  No extended periods of sleeplessness last night.  That's very good news!

Second, my new knee felt much less stiff when I woke up this morning.  Third, my pain level when I woke up was much lower than on previous mornings.

All that is good news indeed.

So, my husband asked what's the bad news?

My response:  This knee didn't miraculously heal itself overnight!

Of course that didn't happen!  And it won't.  Because this is a process.  A lengthy one. At times, a challenging process.  But one that will be worth it in the end.

In that respect, knee replacement surgery and recovery is much like the Christian life in general.  It's a process.  It takes time.  It doesn't happen overnight.

Consider, for example, the discipline of Bible study.  Do we commit our lives to Christ and then wake up the next morning knowing all there is to know about the Bible, as though by some process of osmosis all there is to know about the Scriptures was poured into our heads overnight?  Of course not.

Understanding the Bible is a process.  One that takes time.  And effort. On a consistent basis.

So far I have had one physical therapy appointment.  I worked hard at that appointment, and continue to work hard on the exercises I have been given.  It takes time.  I don't always feel like doing it.  But it's necessary for the desired result.

To obtain the desired result - a fully functioning knee - I must consistently apply myself to the discipline of the assigned exercises.  I must commit to the process.  Over time, I will achieve the goal.

That's true of Bible study as well.  To obtain the desired result - understanding and applying the Bible to my daily life - means I must consistently apply myself to the discipline of study.  I must commit to the process.  Consistent effort means I will achieve the goal.

That's part of the good news.  Consistent effort leads to results.  Whether talking about knee replacement or about Bible study or any of the other disciplines of the Christian life, it's a principle that holds true.

Why not give it try for yourself?  Get involved in a Bible study group.  Find a Bible study plan to work through on your own.  Be part of the process.  I can't wait to hear about your results.

There will be results.  That's good news!  Wouldn't you agree?

"Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed."  (2 Timothy 2:15 KJV)

"Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness."  (1 Timothy 4:7b NASB)

Diary of a Knee Replacement

I decided, on the day before my knee replacement surgery, that I would keep a diary of the experience.  I made a few entries that Sunday night, and then caught it up after I got home from the hospital.  Each morning I have been making notes on the previous day.

Today I want to share some of that with you.  Not to worry.  This is not a post listing all my aches and pains and medications.  That's of no real interest to anyone other than me.

But I do want to share with you some of what I consider to be the high points of this journey.  Those high points are the times when that still, small voice of God has spoken into my spirit exactly what I needed at exactly the time I needed it.

It began on Sunday.  Although I was actually looking forward to the surgery, or at least to the end result, there was at the same time that natural apprehension about "going under the knife."  It was during those moments that the Spirit of God whispered these words into my spirit:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee."  (Isaiah 26:3 KJV)

On the morning of surgery, our good friends Max and Becky arrived at the hospital to pray with us before surgery.  In his prayer, Max included this verse, one of my favorites:

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life."  (Psalm 143:8 NIV)

Those verses went in to surgery with me, giving me a sense of peace and calm to replace the apprehension.

On Tuesday, I awoke feeling a little queasy and experiencing some pain, as might be expected.  Even so, the physical therapist arrived to get me up and walking, which I confess I dreaded.  I had a horror that the leg wouldn't hold me up and I would fall over in a heap, or that I would pass out, or that some other terrible thing was going to happen.  And I just knew it would really, really hurt to stand up.  (It didn't!)  In the middle of all that came these words:

"Be strong and courageous!  Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."  (Joshua 1:9 NASB)

And so, even though I threw up in the process, I managed to be strong and courageous, and to get out of bed, walk across the room and back to the chair.  Later that day, I was once again strong and courageous as I walked down the hall to the nurse's station and as I learned how to deal with steps.

Yesterday I had my first outpatient physical therapy appointment.  The first of many.  It was hard.  It hurt.  Again, I remembered "Be strong and courageous!"  And as I lay there on that therapy table trying my best to get this knee to bend just a little bit more, I was reminded of these words:

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  (Philippians 4: 13 NASB)

The context of that verse has nothing at all to do with physical therapy!  Even so, God called it to my mind in a moment when I needed reminding that He will get me through this!

I'm doing wonderfully well in my recovery.  I know that, but even so, there are moments of frustration.  Moments when I'm aware of just how much right now I, a very independent person, have to be dependent on others.  Moments when I realize that this will take time, perhaps a long time.  Moments when it just hurts.

In those moments, this verse comes to mind:

"Be still and know that I am God."  (Psalm 46:10)

These are just a few of the entries in my Knee Replacement Diary.  I'm sure there will be many more as this process continues.  Because it is exactly that.  A process.

Through the process, God is at work in my physical body.  But also in my spirit, bringing the peace and comfort that only He can give.


"When I understand that everything happening to me is to make me more Christlike, it resolves a great deal of anxiety."  (A. W. Tozer)