Last Words

I've been trying to write this post for a couple of days, but it has been hard.  Mother's Day is a hard day for me......has been for the 10 years since my mother's passing.  Because we have lived in so many places around the country, it was rare in my adult life to actually spend the day with my mother, but I always looked forward to spending time together on the phone.  I looked forward to finding the perfect card and a special gift and being sure they were in the mail early enough to arrive in SC on time.

In recent years, Mother's Day has been a mixed bag for me.  I miss my own mother.  I rarely get to spend time with my own sons on this day.......one of the consequences of the fact that we live so far from each other.  It's a time to travel down memory lane, which results in lots of smiles and some tears as well.

One memory that always surfaces at this time of year is hearing the doctor say that we would never have children.  I remember the Mother's Days when I so wanted to be a mom and it seemed that would never happen.  That's a painful memory, but one that is more than balanced by the fact that obviously he was wrong and God had another plan.  Two plans! Two sons!  The joy I felt when that same doctor told me the pregnancy test was positive has never diminished!

Motherhood is not an easy job.  And I haven't always been a candidate for "world's best mother".  I've made my share of mistakes.  Bad decisions.  Lost my temper.  Said things I have regretted.  But through it all, I have loved being a mother.  I love my sons.  And the "daughters" they brought into my life.  And the grandsons who now bring us all so much joy!

As I travel down memory lane at this time of year, there are so many things that make me smile.  Sometimes even giggle a little bit.........

The hamster named Roscoe who met an untimely end when Brian jumped off the top bunk and landed on him.
The big bows my mother always put in my blonde curls.
The sweet smiles and hugs of my own little blonde boys (who aren't so blonde anymore!!).
Baby Dedication services......for our sons and for our grandsons as well.
Long distance calls from the UK when Brian was in the Air Force.
Hearing "I love you, Mom", no matter what day of the year I hear it!

And the last words my own mother spoke to me.  We knew her time was short.  We had left Minnesota, flying down to SC and hoping we would get there in time.  We arrived on Saturday around midnight.  She left us on Monday morning.  But when we got there, she opened her eyes, smiled a faint smile and said the last words I ever heard her say......."I love you."