I was wide awake at 4AM this morning. That is is VERY unusual. First of all, I NEVER get up that early......at least not voluntarily. And no matter what time I get up, I'm never immediately wide awake. I typically ease into the day :) But today was not one of those days.
My first reaction was to wonder why I was awake so early and then to wonder why I couldn't go back to sleep! Then I began to realize that I must be awake for a reason, so I just got up, started the coffee maker, got my Bible, journal, pen and other resources, and got comfortable in my favorite chair anticipating what God might be about to say to me this morning!
I had a wonderful time in the Sermon on the Mount, finishing my lesson for tomorrow's Bible Study time. I spent some time in Esther. I pondered some thoughts about Abraham and Isaac and God's Covenant with Abraham and his descendants. I spent some time in worship in the Psalms. And I read a wonderful devotional thought based on the verse, "Thou, God, seest me."
The devotional writer related an experience in the life of Isaac Watts, when a teacher said to him, "People will tell you that God is always watching you to see when you do wrong so He can punish you. I do not want you to think of it that way. Rather let these words (Thou, God, seest me) remind you all through your life tht God loves you so much that He cannot take His eyes off of you." Wow!!
As I think about those words, I'm reminded of how I used to just stare at my boys when they were babies.....couldn't take my eyes off of them because I loved them so and they were so precious to me! Or how I just enjoy watching everything my grandsons do, no matter what it is....just can't stop looking at them!! I came across a photo recently, a candid shot from our wedding showing the two of us just standing there gazing at each other. Something, by the way, that we still do......just because we love each other so much!
And that pales in comparison to the love God has for us! Just to think that even now God is looking at me. That God loves me so much He can't take His eyes off me! That is definitely a "WOW" thought that will get me through whatever comes my way today.
So if you happen to see me at Walmart or at Ingles or at CVS or anywhere else today, that smile on my face and that twinkle in my eye is because I'm remembering that God just can't take His eyes off me!! Amazing!!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
A Word of Advice
Continuing the theme of the last post, I have a word of advice......people with degenerative arthritis (like me) should not break bones!! Even when all the doctors and nurses and surgeons and physical therapists have put you back together again, the consequences linger on. Even when your ankle (the broken part in my case) is in good shape (you think!), almost as flexible as the unbroken one (and mine was), one day you wake up to discover that it just isn't as flexible as it used to be and that it really seems to hurt all the time, not just when it rains or when you've overdone it just a bit. Hmmmmm........
That's when, like me, you decide that maybe you need to see a doctor about this so you make an appointment. And that's when you get the bad news. Something that sounds like this....."Your ankle is a mess.....That's one of the worst ankles I've ever seen.......I don't know how you walk at all." Hmmmmmmm.........
And then you hear the news that your only options are drugs (and in this case, they are really hard to get used to....the side effects have not been fun!) or an ankle fusion. Well, there could be an ankle replacement, but the doctor says that's not a good surgery.
All this brings to mind the words of the Apostle Paul to the Ephesians.....be careful how you walk! In terms of broken ankles, I realize that is completely out of context.....that he wasn't talking about ankles at all!! But it's very good advice......
"Be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15-16)
That's when, like me, you decide that maybe you need to see a doctor about this so you make an appointment. And that's when you get the bad news. Something that sounds like this....."Your ankle is a mess.....That's one of the worst ankles I've ever seen.......I don't know how you walk at all." Hmmmmmmm.........
And then you hear the news that your only options are drugs (and in this case, they are really hard to get used to....the side effects have not been fun!) or an ankle fusion. Well, there could be an ankle replacement, but the doctor says that's not a good surgery.
All this brings to mind the words of the Apostle Paul to the Ephesians.....be careful how you walk! In terms of broken ankles, I realize that is completely out of context.....that he wasn't talking about ankles at all!! But it's very good advice......
"Be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15-16)
Saturday, September 5, 2009
A Rough Week
It's been a rough couple of weeks. Very busy weeks, which is part of the problem. Lots of doctor appointments.....annual physical, dentist, mammogram, orthopaedist.....more about that later.
Last weekend I went down to Landrum to take care of a couple of banking things concerning my dad's affairs, then was expecting a relaxing Friday afternoon before everybody else (brother, sister-in-law, hubby) arrived. But when I walked into the kitchen, the floor was covered with water! Not good! And the kitchen light wouldn't come on......apparently old fluorescent bulbs that haven't been on in about a month don't like to get back to work!! So, I couldn't really see where the water was coming from. Turns out there was a leak in the icemaker line, but there was not cut-off, so without turning off the water supply to the entire house, there was nothing to do that would stop the water. Fortunately, Al arrived earlier than anticipated and was able to solve the problem with a $2 thingy from the hardware store!
Once Sam and Debbie arrived we began the task of emptying out the attic and sorting through stuff.....who wants this or that, what gets donated, what gets tossed. An exhausting task, both physically and emotionally.
All the doctor appointments turned out well.....teeth are good, no evidence of cancer, blood pressure under control, weight going in the right direction. And then there was the orthopaedist. That one did not turn out as I had hoped. Following the broken ankle experience a few years ago, once the rehab was done, I had a pretty good ankle.....reasonably flexible considering all the hardware that's in there, no pain, relatively little stiffness. But over the last year or so that condition has changed......lots of pain, no flexibility at all, etc. And since I was pretty much beyond my tolerance level for the pain and was tired of limping around like a little old lady, I made the orthopaedist appointment. I guess my hope was that this would be diagnosed as a hardware problem, that he would say if we take those screws out then your problems will be solved. This is in line with what the original surgeon had said, that sometimes people with my type of injury and surgery have trouble with the screws a few years down the road and they have to come out. So, I was expecting that the worst thing the doctor would say was that I would need another surgery to take the screws out.
I guess the good news in what he did say is that there is nothing I have done - or not done - that would make my condition any different from what it is. But here's the situation. First, I have something called tarsal tunnel tendonitis (I think that's what he called it) which accounts for the pain on the inside of my foot. Then there is the nerve damage that is accounting for the other pain. So I have prescriptions for those issues that "might" help. And that's the good news! Once the x-rays had been taken and the doctor looked at them, he says "your ankle is a mess. It's one of the worst ankles I've ever seen. I'm surprised you can walk at all!" At first I was ready to get upset with him thinking he was being critical of the previous surgeon, but that wasn't what he meant at all. It seems that there was so much damage to my bones when I broke them and the bones lost blood supply so that they are essentially dead, and because of that damage combined with my degenerative arthritis, my ankle has collapsed. So.....either an ankle replacement (not a good surgery, according to the doctor) or an ankle fusion.
Found all that out on Thursday. So I had a pity party for the rest of the day and gave myself until noon yesterday to get over it!! I have found that the best way to deal with a pity party is to set a deadline!! Since then I'm telling myself to put my big girl panties on and deal with it!! Feeling sorry for myself won't make it get better and in the long run only makes me feel worse. So, right now I'm trying to adjust to some new medications which I hope are going to do some good. Right now they are only making me very sleepy and leave me feeling unable to focus! Not a good feeling.
And through it all God is teaching me to give thanks in all things.....even the not so good things!! I admit that right now I am struggling through this lesson, but even in this I know God is in control and has a plan and a purpose!! And I would be less than honest if I didn't admit that knowing that intellectually and actually experiencing it in my "feelings" are two different things right now.
Last weekend I went down to Landrum to take care of a couple of banking things concerning my dad's affairs, then was expecting a relaxing Friday afternoon before everybody else (brother, sister-in-law, hubby) arrived. But when I walked into the kitchen, the floor was covered with water! Not good! And the kitchen light wouldn't come on......apparently old fluorescent bulbs that haven't been on in about a month don't like to get back to work!! So, I couldn't really see where the water was coming from. Turns out there was a leak in the icemaker line, but there was not cut-off, so without turning off the water supply to the entire house, there was nothing to do that would stop the water. Fortunately, Al arrived earlier than anticipated and was able to solve the problem with a $2 thingy from the hardware store!
Once Sam and Debbie arrived we began the task of emptying out the attic and sorting through stuff.....who wants this or that, what gets donated, what gets tossed. An exhausting task, both physically and emotionally.
All the doctor appointments turned out well.....teeth are good, no evidence of cancer, blood pressure under control, weight going in the right direction. And then there was the orthopaedist. That one did not turn out as I had hoped. Following the broken ankle experience a few years ago, once the rehab was done, I had a pretty good ankle.....reasonably flexible considering all the hardware that's in there, no pain, relatively little stiffness. But over the last year or so that condition has changed......lots of pain, no flexibility at all, etc. And since I was pretty much beyond my tolerance level for the pain and was tired of limping around like a little old lady, I made the orthopaedist appointment. I guess my hope was that this would be diagnosed as a hardware problem, that he would say if we take those screws out then your problems will be solved. This is in line with what the original surgeon had said, that sometimes people with my type of injury and surgery have trouble with the screws a few years down the road and they have to come out. So, I was expecting that the worst thing the doctor would say was that I would need another surgery to take the screws out.
I guess the good news in what he did say is that there is nothing I have done - or not done - that would make my condition any different from what it is. But here's the situation. First, I have something called tarsal tunnel tendonitis (I think that's what he called it) which accounts for the pain on the inside of my foot. Then there is the nerve damage that is accounting for the other pain. So I have prescriptions for those issues that "might" help. And that's the good news! Once the x-rays had been taken and the doctor looked at them, he says "your ankle is a mess. It's one of the worst ankles I've ever seen. I'm surprised you can walk at all!" At first I was ready to get upset with him thinking he was being critical of the previous surgeon, but that wasn't what he meant at all. It seems that there was so much damage to my bones when I broke them and the bones lost blood supply so that they are essentially dead, and because of that damage combined with my degenerative arthritis, my ankle has collapsed. So.....either an ankle replacement (not a good surgery, according to the doctor) or an ankle fusion.
Found all that out on Thursday. So I had a pity party for the rest of the day and gave myself until noon yesterday to get over it!! I have found that the best way to deal with a pity party is to set a deadline!! Since then I'm telling myself to put my big girl panties on and deal with it!! Feeling sorry for myself won't make it get better and in the long run only makes me feel worse. So, right now I'm trying to adjust to some new medications which I hope are going to do some good. Right now they are only making me very sleepy and leave me feeling unable to focus! Not a good feeling.
And through it all God is teaching me to give thanks in all things.....even the not so good things!! I admit that right now I am struggling through this lesson, but even in this I know God is in control and has a plan and a purpose!! And I would be less than honest if I didn't admit that knowing that intellectually and actually experiencing it in my "feelings" are two different things right now.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Overwhelmed
Overwhelmed! That's the only word that comes to mind right now.......I am feeling completely and absolutely overwhelmed. I have so much to do I can't even begin to know where to begin! There's all the "regular" around-the-house stuff......laundry, de-cluttering, dealing with the ever-present dust bunnies, need to empty and reload the dishwasher, need to do some grocery shopping, but that would mean making a list, etc, etc, etc! Then there's the other stuff.....cleaning out the closets and drawers, actually cleaning out the basement and getting rid of some of that junk instead of just talking about it, catching up with the filing that is piling up on my desk, etc, etc, etc. And of course there's the yet-to-be-completed cleaning out of all the drawers, closets, boxes of stuff in Daddy's house......although we made some progress on that this past weekend....along with the inevitable paperwork that goes with settling up someone's affairs and I have found several boxes of papers and newspaper clippings that will help tell the story of my grandparents and great-grandparents, but of course I need time to sit and read through all that. All that has to fit around dentist and doctor appointments and all the other busyness of life!! Whew! No wonder I'm feeling overwhelmed!
But I am also overwhelmed in another sense.....in the sense of absolute awe at the love of God and His grace toward me. It is certainly true that I have done nothing to deserve that. Just the opposite, in fact. I have lost my temper more times than I care to admit to, particularly recently (I guess it goes with being tired and overwhelmed in the sense of the previous paragraph!). I make stupid choices, again more often than I really want to admit. I have been sarcastic and unkind and impatient and judgmental. I could go on and on......yet in spite of all this, God loves me and has extended His grace toward me. In spite of my inadequacies and shortcomings - and they are many - He loves me and His grace is sufficient for every circumstance of my life! As we sang in church yesterday.....He is my strength when I am weak, He is the treasure that I seek, He is my all in all.
I'm overwhelmed!
But I am also overwhelmed in another sense.....in the sense of absolute awe at the love of God and His grace toward me. It is certainly true that I have done nothing to deserve that. Just the opposite, in fact. I have lost my temper more times than I care to admit to, particularly recently (I guess it goes with being tired and overwhelmed in the sense of the previous paragraph!). I make stupid choices, again more often than I really want to admit. I have been sarcastic and unkind and impatient and judgmental. I could go on and on......yet in spite of all this, God loves me and has extended His grace toward me. In spite of my inadequacies and shortcomings - and they are many - He loves me and His grace is sufficient for every circumstance of my life! As we sang in church yesterday.....He is my strength when I am weak, He is the treasure that I seek, He is my all in all.
I'm overwhelmed!
Monday, August 17, 2009
I've been thinking a lot over the last several days about what a privilege prayer is......one that I think, unfortunately, I and probably many others often take for granted. That Almighty God actually listens to me is a mind-boggling concept!! So, as I continue to ponder, to reflect, to be in awe, perhaps my thoughts may actually turn into some coherent writing! In the meantime, join me in thinking about these words from the hymn writer......maybe you'll even find yourself humming or singing along!!
"Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer."
"Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer."
Friday, August 14, 2009
Looking Back And Looking Forward
I haven't written many posts lately. I think that may be partly due to the fact that I didn't think I had anything to say. Even more I think it is because life has been incredibly busy this summer. What ever happened to those "lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer"?? Or maybe it's because I just can't seem to stay focused on anything long enough to have a coherent thought, much less write it down! I'm sure that is related to the incredible busyness of this summer.
Aside from the normal busyness of life, there have been numerous trips down to SC to begin the process of cleaning out daddy's house, dealing with the attorney, the bank, etc. I had no idea that being the "court appointed personal representative" of daddy's "estate" would be so time-consuming! Even using the word "estate" seems a bit ridiculous to me - implies, in my mind at least, huge amounts of money and vast property holdings, which certainly aren't the case here. But, as with seemingly everything in modern life, there is a vast amount of paperwork! And the cleaning out closets and drawers in preparation for selling the house is a very time-consuming process......but that may be partly due to the fact that I'm always stopping to spend a little time with some treasure I have found.
For example, I found a letter written from my great-grandfather to my grandfather, postmarked in 1907 (in this case, I'm thankful for the envelope......but Daddy saved every envelope, and that usually drives me up the wall!!). I also found a letter written by Grandmother Austin to my mother, on the occasion of my parents' engagement, welcoming her to the family. I love finding those treasures! Going through old bank statements and credit card receipts, not so much!!
As we (my brother and I) begin making decisions about what to do with this or that, and begin bringing home a book or a trinket or a piece of furniture, we have both commented that it's like having a little piece of our parents in our own homes. While the "stuff" is just that - stuff- it is somehow comforting to look around the room and see the table that was always by Daddy's chair, where he kept his Bible and his devotional book......to have that now by my chair. To have a pitcher and set of glasses that Great-Aunt Mamie gave to my parents as a wedding gift makes me smile everytime I see them in the china cabinet. I love looking at the photo of me and Mother, taken when I was about 4 years old. I am challenged when I take out the now-yellowed index cards with Scripture verses hand-written on them in my mother's handwriting.....knowing she memorized all those verses and remembered them even when her brain had been damaged by multiple strokes.
All these things are associated with wonderful memories of a happy childhood, a wonderful life, and two parents whom I adored. I miss them both terribly. How thankful I am for the assurance that I will see them again. How thankful I am that they loved the Lord with all their hearts and taught me to do the same. And how I look forward to Heaven.....to that great family reunion!!!
Aside from the normal busyness of life, there have been numerous trips down to SC to begin the process of cleaning out daddy's house, dealing with the attorney, the bank, etc. I had no idea that being the "court appointed personal representative" of daddy's "estate" would be so time-consuming! Even using the word "estate" seems a bit ridiculous to me - implies, in my mind at least, huge amounts of money and vast property holdings, which certainly aren't the case here. But, as with seemingly everything in modern life, there is a vast amount of paperwork! And the cleaning out closets and drawers in preparation for selling the house is a very time-consuming process......but that may be partly due to the fact that I'm always stopping to spend a little time with some treasure I have found.
For example, I found a letter written from my great-grandfather to my grandfather, postmarked in 1907 (in this case, I'm thankful for the envelope......but Daddy saved every envelope, and that usually drives me up the wall!!). I also found a letter written by Grandmother Austin to my mother, on the occasion of my parents' engagement, welcoming her to the family. I love finding those treasures! Going through old bank statements and credit card receipts, not so much!!
As we (my brother and I) begin making decisions about what to do with this or that, and begin bringing home a book or a trinket or a piece of furniture, we have both commented that it's like having a little piece of our parents in our own homes. While the "stuff" is just that - stuff- it is somehow comforting to look around the room and see the table that was always by Daddy's chair, where he kept his Bible and his devotional book......to have that now by my chair. To have a pitcher and set of glasses that Great-Aunt Mamie gave to my parents as a wedding gift makes me smile everytime I see them in the china cabinet. I love looking at the photo of me and Mother, taken when I was about 4 years old. I am challenged when I take out the now-yellowed index cards with Scripture verses hand-written on them in my mother's handwriting.....knowing she memorized all those verses and remembered them even when her brain had been damaged by multiple strokes.
All these things are associated with wonderful memories of a happy childhood, a wonderful life, and two parents whom I adored. I miss them both terribly. How thankful I am for the assurance that I will see them again. How thankful I am that they loved the Lord with all their hearts and taught me to do the same. And how I look forward to Heaven.....to that great family reunion!!!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
DeeperStill
I spent this last weekend in Greensboro......some precious time with family, and attended a fabulous conference called DeeperStill......being challenged to go deeper still in my walk with the Lord. It was a powerful event and I'm still processing all God was saying to me.
One of my favorite moments of the weekend was during the time Kay Arthur was teaching and she said, "God has given us 66 books in the Bible. Which ones do you think He wants you to know?"
It was so exciting to be in an arena with about 11,000 other women (and a few brave men!) who all love the Lord and want to grow in their relationship with Him! Click on the link and check out a few highlights.
DeeperStill - Greensboro NC
Source: vimeo.com
Lifeway Presents DeeperStill with Kay Arthur, Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer and music with Travis Cottrell.
One of my favorite moments of the weekend was during the time Kay Arthur was teaching and she said, "God has given us 66 books in the Bible. Which ones do you think He wants you to know?"
It was so exciting to be in an arena with about 11,000 other women (and a few brave men!) who all love the Lord and want to grow in their relationship with Him! Click on the link and check out a few highlights.
DeeperStill - Greensboro NC
Source: vimeo.com
Lifeway Presents DeeperStill with Kay Arthur, Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer and music with Travis Cottrell.
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