Five weeks have now passed since I said good-bye to my old knee and hello to the new one. In some ways, it seems hard to believe five weeks have already gone by. At the same time, it sometimes seems like much longer.
I have come to the point in this process where frustration is rearing its ugly head. I'm at the point where my life seems to be nothing more than physical therapy sessions and ice machines, and I'm growing weary of it all. I'm just being honest here. Some days are worse than others, but I often find myself wishing I could back up to about six weeks ago and just call the whole thing off! In my head, I know that this will all be worth it. Eventually. But in my feelings, I'm not there yet.
Even so, I press on. I know I'm making progress, although sometimes it seems very slow. I know I'm able to do things for myself that I couldn't do just a couple of weeks ago. On Thursday, Al dropped me off at the hair salon for some much needed personal maintenance. Afterwards, we went out for lunch and then to Costco, where I pushed the cart myself all around the store. A couple of weeks ago, I wouldn't have been able to manage any of that. On Saturday, I went with Al to Publix where once again I pushed the cart all around the store myself. That may not seem like a big deal to those of you with two good knees, but trust me. It's a big deal to me. And it's evidence that I am, in fact, making progress.
I'm beginning to do a few more household tasks, like folding laundry and dusting. I no longer fall asleep every time I sit still for more than five minutes. I'm sleeping better at night. We have been out to dinner a few times. My leg is getting stronger and bending better. More evidence that I'm making progress. Baby steps, but progress nonetheless.
Even so, it's a long and often frustrating process. This morning I have yet another physical therapy appointment. I'll ride the exercise bike for 10 or 15 minutes. I'll do some squats. The therapist will work on the scar tissue around my knee cap. There will be more exercises. Then we'll see how much I can bend today and take another measurement. None of that will be fun, but it's all part of the process.
Just like life. It's a process. And it isn't always pretty or fun. It's often frustrating and tedious.
But the end result is worth it.
"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do:
forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14, NASB)
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