It's a New Day!

What a beautiful morning! I'm so glad that yesterday is but a memory and happy to report that I am in much better spirits today. The pain is still with me, pretty intense again today, but my attitude has definitely improved, and that's a good thing :) I'm so hopeful that the insurance company won't take tooooooo long to process my paperwork and that we can get on with this surgery and recovery. In the meantime, it's a good day. The sun is shining, the coffee is good, and I'm looking forward to a good day.

And.....only five more days until grandchildren arrive!! I'm so excited!! But I'm not sure that Molly shares my enthusiasm........

One of Those Days.....

Today is one of those days when it would be really easy for me to just give in and have a seriously big pity party. I'm really trying to get the laundry finished. Usually that is a Monday task, but since Monday was spent going to Charlotte to see Dr. Jones, it didn't happen then. Didn't happen on Tuesday either since I went to the Tuesday Weight Watchers meeting in Spruce Pine (I usually go to Burnsville meeting on Monday night) and while I was in Spruce Pine I went to Walmart after Weight Watchers to pick up a few things......translation, spent money I didn't really need to spend! By Wednesday I was in serious "catch up mode", but I had a hair appointment in the afternoon and after that, while I was in town, I did some grocery shopping at Ingles. Trying to get ready for Thanksgiving and the family being here next week. None of that leads to the pity party. That is due to being in serious pain today. Which means that getting out of the chair and walking to the laundry room is agony. I guess I could just sit in the laundry room all day :) But this is one of those days when just sitting is painful. I really could just sit here and cry, but my ankle would still hurt and I would probably end up with one of those headaches that comes after a major crying jag.

So.....I'm really trying to focus on reasons to be thankful and positive and upbeat. And I readily admit that being in this kind of pain is a real obstacle. Even so, I am aware of how many reasons I have to give thanks.

• for this beautiful day.....blue sky, sunshine.....


• that my friend Nilda's cancer surgery went well this morning


• that my friend Donna is not having too many side effects from her chemo


• that I don't have breast cancer or uterine cancer or any other cancer


• that I don't have to go through chemo


• that except for this ankle business, I really am healthy


• that Al will be coming home later today


• that my grandchildren will be here next week


• that their parents will be here too (a Nana has priorities!!)

and on and on and on I could go. I really am so blessed. And I truly am thankful for all these blessings, and so very aware that every blessing is a gift from my loving Heavenly Father.

But even in the middle of knowing that, I'm still in a lot of pain today and having a hard time dealing with it. It's just one of those days.

Random Ramblings

Yesterday I went to Charlotte for the long-awaited appointment with the foot and ankle specialist. It's been a long time since I did much driving in Charlotte, so I armed myself with the directions provided by the doctor's office, printed out directions from MapQuest, and also had GPS in the car. Is this my OCD kicking in?? I didn't want to get lost!! After I got off I-85 I drove past the Carolina Panthers stadium, passed a place called Tailgateville, wound around a few more streets, and arrived at my destination about 45 minutes early!!! I had intended to take a book with me, knowing that magazines in doctor's offices are usually many months out of date. But even though I remembered all those directions, I forgot my book. So I sat....and sat.....and sat.....and watched the people. Watched them go in for their appointments and come out again. Watched people manuver their crutches with varying degrees of difficulty. And finally, about 40 minutes after my appointment time, I was called back. Sure wish I had remembered that book!

Anyway......more x-rays and then consultation with the doctor. Turns out I may have another option. Both options involve surgery. But there is the possibility of an ankle replacement rather than ankle fusion. Recovery time for each is the same, but the results are a little different. With a replacement I would have flexibility/range of motion in the ankle. With a fusion it won't bend at all (which is pretty much what I have now). With a fusion, there's the possibility that some of the bones in the foot will develop arthritis since they won't have the motion of the ankle to take the pressure away. But with my arthritis history, that will probably happen anyway. Ankle replacements tend not to hold up over time, but there is a new artificial joint that should last about 30 years. I probably won't live that long, so that shouldn't be a problem!

What it all boils down to is that what the insurance company will authorize will pretty much determine which way we go. I had already wrapped my head around the ankle fusion/no bending concept, so I'm OK either way. It would be great to have an ankle that would bend like an ankle is supposed to do. But if not.....oh well. There are much worse things. I just want it not to hurt all day every day the way it does now!

After I left Charlotte, I headed west on I-85 to Gastonia, then turned north toward Hickory so I could get back on I-40 and head home. When I got to I-40, instead of turning west (the direction of home), I went east to the next exit........there's a Starbucks there, and I REALLY wanted a cup of coffee......quad venti non-fat latte, to be precise! Well, that GPS (I call her Bernadette.....don't know why, it just seems an appropriate name) really got her knickers in a twist over that. The entire two miles to my "Starbucks exit", I heard her say.....over and over and over and over....."Recalculating, Recalculating, Recalculating." So, you guessed it, I turned that thing off!! I knew the way home!

Questions, Questions.....

I've been answering questions today. I have a packet of paperwork to complete in preparation for my visit to the foot/ankle specialist on Monday. Ten pages of questions. And I'm wondering how many ways a person can ask the same question. Or why the same question needs to be asked more than once. For example, why are there THREE different questions about how tall I am??? Is this a trick? Are they trying to trip me up (pun intended)??? Good grief!

So I'm trying to determine, on a scale of 1-10, how bad the pain is if I'm wearing shoes, or if I'm not wearing shoes, or if I'm walking on level ground, or if I'm climbing stairs, or when I first get out of bed, or after I've been up awhile, or at the end of the day. And how much, on a scale of 1-10, my daily activities are impacted. Or whether I am able to run (I think that one is a joke.....I haven't actually run in years, at least not like a "normal" person!) or whether or not I am able to walk 4 or more blocks, and if so, do I need a "support". As in cane or crutches, not as in a friend or spouse.....at least that's what I think they mean. But that might actually make a difference in my answer. I'm pretty much refusing a cane right now, although it might help. But I do like to have a good supportive friend or my sweet husband along for the journey!

Anyway, that's how I'm spending my Friday afternoon. At least the sun is shining today!

Another Gray Day

It's another gray, gloomy day. Several days of gloom have passed since we last saw the sun. And I'm finding it hard to stay positive and upbeat when I'm surrounded by such grayness. The fog has settled in here on our mountain and looks as though it might never lift. Ugh!!!

But then I am reminded that if I never experienced some of this gloom, I would not really appreciate the beauty of those sunny days. I would probably just take them for granted. If I were never in the valley, I couldn't fully appreciate the view from the mountaintop. And as I look around, I am reminded of how many reasons I have for giving thanks.....even on a gloomy day. I'm in a warm, comfortable home with a good cup of coffee, a fire in the fireplace, good music, good books, my Bible......and on and on I could go! So, actually this is a very good morning. A little fog can't get me down :)


"The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were not limitations to overcome. The hilltop would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse." - Helen Keller

Attitude of Gratitude

Years ago (seems like lifetimes ago!!) when I was directing Children's Choirs, we learned a song called "Attitude of Gratitude"......a song that I pulled out every year about this time, regardless of what else was going on in choir at the time. I no longer remember every lyric, or even the tune, but the concept stuck. Today, on this very dreary gray morning with lots of rain from a hurricane in the Gulf and the accompanying arthritis pain, I need the reminder to focus on the things for which I am grateful instead of the things that are less than I would like them to be.

I wonder why it is so easy for us as humans to focus on the negative, to view our glass as half empty rather than half full. Why are we so often so ungrateful when we have so much for which to give thanks? I am not so naive as to believe that life is without problems. There are "issues" everywhere......political issues, terrorism, cancer, soaring unemployment, and I could go on and on and on.

But in the middle of all that are wonderful reasons for giving thanks......another day of life, family, friends. Even as I complain about this gloomy day, I must pause to give thanks for the rain......after several years of extreme drought and after the experience of our water source drying up last year, I am thankful for every drop of rain that falls......even if I don't particularly enjoy the aches and pains that accompany it!

So, even on this gloomy morning, I purpose to focus my attention on reasons for rejoicing rather than on any reasons I have for complaining. Charles Dickens once said that we should reflect on our blessings, of which all men have many, rather than on our misfortunes, of which all men have some. I think that's very good advice.

As I reflect on my blessings today, I am so thankful for my precious husband, for our sons and grandsons. I am thankful for the years I had with my parents and for the certainty that I will see them again. I am so grateful for the love of God, for His grace and the gift of salvation, thankful that Jesus paid it all!

And I'm really thankful that my sweet husband made my coffee this morning!

Bless the Lord, O my soul; all within me, bless His Holy Name......Psalm 103:1

Accomplishing a Goal

I've been reflecting today on the sense of accomplishment that comes with the completion of a goal. I think it probably doesn't matter what the goal is......in my case, finishing the long-awaited basement cleanup. That is one project that has been put off for so long that I'm embarrassed to even admit how long! But this past Saturday I FINALLY finished!! Well, almost finished.....there's still a little sweeping up and some trash to carry to the dump. The trash is still there because it wouldn't all fit in the car on Saturday afternoon.

Along with a sense of accomplishment, I'm also experiencing some pain. Some of that is due to being on my feet for so long on Saturday and the effect that has on my impaired ankle. There is also the pain of aching muscles that don't normally get that kind of use (abuse!!). I wonder if it is true that every worthwhile endeavor comes with a few aches and pains. Is it true that nothing worthwhile is ever accomplished without at least some discomfort, some challenge to our status quo? Something to think about.

I've also been thinking that the satisfaction of accomplishing a goal is not at all diminished by the fact that completion of the goal was later than I originally anticipated. I think that's something to remember for other goals in life and/or business. Sometimes the date changes while the goal remains the same. There is still satisfaction in the achievment.

But......if the accomplishment had not been delayed (if I had not procrastinated so long), I could have been enjoying this sense of satisfaction so much sooner, and perhaps without so much pain. Hmmmmmmm........something to think about! Maybe I'll eventually get around to actually thinking about it! (See me smile!!)