You Look Normal

Several days ago I saw a friend I hadn't seen for quite a while. Once the hellos and the hugs were done, she said, "You look normal!". I think that may have been one of the nicest things she could have said. Because, quite frankly, I don't always feel "normal". From time to time, the memory of what my life once was takes over, and that often leads me down a rabbit hole of despair and depression.


About this time last year I wrote a blog post titled "A New Normal". Since that time, a lot has in my life has changed. Many things in my life post-stroke continue to improve. But the fact remains that my "normal" has changed a lot in the last 2 years. One day life was normal. And then it wasn't. On that day in mid-November 2016 when I had a stroke, "normal" was forever changed.

Today I have much to celebrate. Today I have many reasons to give thanks. Today is a good day!

Back in November 2016, things were not so good. On that day, there were a lot of questions. Would I wake up? If I did wake up, would I be able to speak. Would I be able to use my right arm. If I did wake up, exactly what would my life be like? I'm thankful that I was unaware of that, and even more thankful for all of the people who were praying for me on that day, and who continue to pray for me even now.

Today I'm celebrating those prayers. Celebrating a faithful God who hears and answers prayer! Celebrating that not only did I wake up after what we have come to refer to as "the event", but I am healthy and happy and loving my life! Yes, my life has a new "normal", but life is good and I am so blessed!

I am still frequently asked if I am back to normal. I'm asked if I am "100%". The answer to that is "no", not 100%. Not "normal" as I used to know it. But still making progress!

To bring you up to date, and for those who are new to this journey, I regained the use of my right arm before I left the hospital, and after weeks of therapy I regained most of my strength on that side. These days I'm able to participate in an exercise class several times a week, and do most physical activity. I no longer have double vision to contend with. And my speech (reading, writing, speaking) are pretty much "normal", at least most of the time. I still get words jumbled up, especially when I'm tired, and I sometimes get "stuck" on a word, but that part of my life is going very well. I don't read as well as I once did, and I still often stumble when reading in front of a group, something I once did very well.

My writing skills continue to improve. Throughout this process, I have had trouble understanding why it is so much easier for me to "write" on the computer keyboard than to use paper or my phone, but typing continues to be the method by which I am best able to communicate. My written communication continues to improve, although it is still a long way from what it once was. The very neat, precise handwriting I once had is pretty much a jumbled mess these days. Whereas it was once easy for me to sit at the computer every morning and compose a blog for the day, most days my brain just won't put coherent thoughts together. Some days it works, and some days, not so much. I'm thankful for the days it works well, and frustrated by the days it doesn't. But that's my new normal.

Reading remains the most challenging. But I have made remarkable progress. At this time two years ago, I could read short words and phrases, occasionally a paragraph or two, but it was a slow, painstaking process. I'm thankful that all my efforts in therapy yielded a good result! My therapist always used to remind me that it would take time, and that improvement would continue even after I finished my therapy. I confess that I didn't really believe her, but she was right! Now, two years later, I often sit with a cup of coffee and my book, and enjoy the process of reading again.

There have been numerous milestones along my journey. Too many to list here. Anything to do with numbers remains a challenge, so any time I am able pay my own bill in a restaurant and add the tip on correctly, I get really excited. When the choir director announces a page number, I'm often on the wrong page because I got the numbers mixed up. It's part of the new normal, and I have grown accustomed to it.

Life in the last 2 years has been challenging. And frustrating. And exhausting! But these have been months of great blessing and encouragement. Months that have grown my faith. That have blessed me beyond measure! And I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Yes, my "normal" has changed. But my God has not changed. And these months since my stroke have only deepened my love for Him. I am so grateful for all of you who have prayed for me and who continue to pray. You have blessed me beyond words!

As I reflect back, and as I think about my "new normal", I am so thankful! God has been so good to me, and I give Him all the glory for all He has done!

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name."
(Psalm 103:1)