The Things That Really Matter

People sometimes ask how my life has changed since my stroke. What have I learned through this experience. That isn't an easy question to answer. Perhaps the biggest lesson I am continuing to learn is that stroke recovery is a process. A long, infuriating, complicated process.

In this process, some days are good and some not so much. Some days start out good and then switch gears for no apparent reason. I'm learning in this process that I need a lot of sleep. That everything things a lot longer than I think it will. That I'm forgetful. That I mix words up. That I still can't do numbers. That many of the things I once loved to do are still out of my reach, at least some of the time. And I'm learning that all of that is OK. I'm learning to take this process one step at a time. A few steps forward and a few steps back, but still ultimately moving forward toward recovery. I'm learning not to sweat the small stuff.

In my former life as a perfectionist, even the least little thing really mattered to me. Misspelled words. Grammatical errors. Etc. Etc.

I still think its important to spell things correctly and to write a well constructed sentence. I still get annoyed when words are misspelled, particularly by people who should know better. And I am most annoyed when those who are pointing fingers at others are, in fact, making worse grammatical errors than the ones they are criticizing.

But here in my "new normal", those things aren't nearly as important as they once were. Yes, I still want to spell thing correctly and punctuate my sentences properly. But the reality is, I don't always do that.

Sometimes I just hit the wrong key and don't catch myself. Sometimes I can't remember how a word is spelled. Sometimes I just don't even know I made a mistake. All those are reality for me in my "new normal". And I am learning that those things are ok. The world won't come to an end if I misspell something or if I get a word wrong.

My "new normal" means that I can't do the same things I once took for granted. Those things frustrate me, but I'm learning to live with the limitations of my stroke. I'm learning to accept that I won't always get things exactly right. That sometimes I will misspell or missspeak. That sometimes I won't remember what I'm trying to say.

But I am also learned something much more important. I've learned to be more tolerant. Of myself and of others. And that's a good thing.

Is stroke recovery a frustrating process? Sure it is!

In spite of the frustrations, in this journey to stroke recovery I am learning some very valuable life lessons. I am learning to listen to my body when I need more sleep. I'm learning that my mission in life is not to impress other people. That it's ok to acknowledge my frustrations and my disabilities.

Most of all, I'm learning more and more about trusting God. About relying on Him to meet my needs.

And I'm learning to be thankful in every circumstance. On the good days and the bad days and all the in between days.

Learning to trust more and more.

Learning to take one day at a time.

And resting in the knowledge that God is in control.

Those are the things that really matter.


"In everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
(I Thessalonians 5:18 NASB)