Perhaps one of the most familiar passages in all of Scripture is The Twenty-Third Psalm. We learn it as children. We hear it read at funerals. Even people who don't regularly attend church or who don't spend a lot of time in the Bible have heard of this Psalm.
Today I have that Psalm playing over and over in my head. Well, actually one verse of that Psalm. Verse 4 says "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me." Over the last few months, I have come back to that verse time and again.
As I have been thinking about that verse recently, a few words have stood out to me. Even though. Through. With.
"Even though" is an expression of certainty. This tells me not to be surprised when tough times come. It tells me they will come. But in spite of the tough times.......no matter what happens.....even though.......there is no reason to fear. The certainty is that tough times will come. The certainty is also that I don't face them alone.
"With me". I'm not alone. No matter what happens. "Thou art with me." What a comfort! Even though tough times come. Even though I may feel alone, I'm not! Over and over through the Scriptures this truth rings true!
Matthew 28:20....."I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
2 Chronicles 16:9....."The eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the whole earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His."
Psalm 3:3......"But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory and One who lifts my head."
But I think my favorite word in this verse is the word "through". That tells me that no matter what I'm experiencing right now, what valley I'm in, what the difficulty is, it isn't permanent! I won't be in this tough time forever, because this verse tells me that I walk through the valley. I don't walk into it to stay! And that, my friends, brings me great comfort!
The "into" comes later, in the last verse, when "I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (Psalm 23:6b).
Until then, whatever I'm walking through is part of the "all things" that are working together for my good and His glory (see Romans 8:28-29). So I walk through the valley with my eyes fixed on Jesus because He is with me. As He promised He would be. Even in the valley.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Finally Home
Back in the spring, shortly after Easter, my husband and I packed our bags and relocated to Columbia, SC for what we expected to be a three - at most, four - week extended visit with his parents while his dad had knee replacement surgery and the rehab that would follow. Little did we know then that the few weeks would turn into a few months! And now.....some four and a half months later.....we are finally home.
If you have followed our journey, you know that the surgery went well but the rehab took longer than expected. You also are aware that the journey included the care of Al's mom whose Alzheimer's has worsened dramatically over these few months. These have been challenging months, to say the least.
And now we're home. Finally home. We had a brief respite in July when we returned home to rest a little and enjoy some family time with sons and grandsons. How very glad I am to be finally home!
It was wonderful to sleep in my own bed! To be in my own shower! To have coffee out of my own coffee pot! In my own favorite coffee mug! I loved the coolness of a mountain morning after months of the oppressive heat and humidity that are part of summer in "famously hot" Columbia, SC! It's the little things, isn't it??!!
But even as I'm enjoying being home again, my thoughts are also turning toward the day when I am truly "finally home". As much as I am loving being home again here, how much greater will be my joy on that day when I am truly "finally home".
I'm looking forward to that day.......the day about which Jesus spoke when He said, "In my Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also." (John 14:2-3 NASB).
That day when "we shall always be with the Lord." (1 Thess. 4:17b NASB)
I'm looking forward to that day......to being finally home.
If you have followed our journey, you know that the surgery went well but the rehab took longer than expected. You also are aware that the journey included the care of Al's mom whose Alzheimer's has worsened dramatically over these few months. These have been challenging months, to say the least.
And now we're home. Finally home. We had a brief respite in July when we returned home to rest a little and enjoy some family time with sons and grandsons. How very glad I am to be finally home!
It was wonderful to sleep in my own bed! To be in my own shower! To have coffee out of my own coffee pot! In my own favorite coffee mug! I loved the coolness of a mountain morning after months of the oppressive heat and humidity that are part of summer in "famously hot" Columbia, SC! It's the little things, isn't it??!!
But even as I'm enjoying being home again, my thoughts are also turning toward the day when I am truly "finally home". As much as I am loving being home again here, how much greater will be my joy on that day when I am truly "finally home".
I'm looking forward to that day.......the day about which Jesus spoke when He said, "In my Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also." (John 14:2-3 NASB).
That day when "we shall always be with the Lord." (1 Thess. 4:17b NASB)
I'm looking forward to that day......to being finally home.
But just think of stepping on shore-And finding it Heaven!
Of touching a hand-And finding it God's!
Of breathing new air-And finding it celestial!
Of waking up in glory-And finding it home!
Of touching a hand-And finding it God's!
Of breathing new air-And finding it celestial!
Of waking up in glory-And finding it home!
(Don Wyrtzen)
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Because Sometimes Life Is Hard
Sometimes life is filled with moments that bring great joy and happiness. I experienced some of those moments earlier this week. Moments like hearing "Happy Birthday" sung to me over the phone. Or seeing it sung to me by one of my grandsons on a Facebook post. Those are moments that fill me with joy.
But sometimes life is hard. And I have also experienced that this week. This was a difficult week around here. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. It is really hard and frustrating and sad for the person who has the disease. And it is really hard and frustrating and sad for the caregivers. We experienced some of all of that this week.
And because sometimes life is really hard, this was the week that really hard decisions had to be made. And really difficult choices. And this was the week that my precious mother-in-law was moved to a memory care facility.
Touring the facilities was hard. Narrowing down the list was not that difficult, because we were able to choose "favorites" pretty easily. Things got harder when Al had to take his dad to visit the top picks and together they had to make a decision. And it was really, really hard on the "moving day". Really hard to pack her clothes and drop them off. Really hard for everybody to come home and now be three instead of four.
Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes circumstances are difficult. Sometimes we have to make tough choices. And it's just hard.
So right now we're trying to focus on the happy times, to remember the good times, to remember life before Alzheimer's.
Life can be full of happy, joyful moments. And it can be hard. And it can be somewhere in between.
But through all those times, how thankful I am that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son." (Romans 8:28-29, emphasis mine.)
"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8: 38-39).
How grateful I am for this truth.
Because sometimes life is hard.
But sometimes life is hard. And I have also experienced that this week. This was a difficult week around here. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. It is really hard and frustrating and sad for the person who has the disease. And it is really hard and frustrating and sad for the caregivers. We experienced some of all of that this week.
And because sometimes life is really hard, this was the week that really hard decisions had to be made. And really difficult choices. And this was the week that my precious mother-in-law was moved to a memory care facility.
Touring the facilities was hard. Narrowing down the list was not that difficult, because we were able to choose "favorites" pretty easily. Things got harder when Al had to take his dad to visit the top picks and together they had to make a decision. And it was really, really hard on the "moving day". Really hard to pack her clothes and drop them off. Really hard for everybody to come home and now be three instead of four.
Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes circumstances are difficult. Sometimes we have to make tough choices. And it's just hard.
So right now we're trying to focus on the happy times, to remember the good times, to remember life before Alzheimer's.
Life can be full of happy, joyful moments. And it can be hard. And it can be somewhere in between.
But through all those times, how thankful I am that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son." (Romans 8:28-29, emphasis mine.)
"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8: 38-39).
How grateful I am for this truth.
Because sometimes life is hard.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Tired but Grateful
I'm home for a few days. Alone. Time for some much needed R&R.
After nearly 3 months of caregiving.
Of not enough sleep.
Of stress.
Of dealing with Alzheimer's.
Of being away from home.
Of hardly a moment to myself.
Of tiredness that has no words. That can't even be described.
Of living out of a suitcase. Not literally, but of living trying to make my stuff fit into someone else's already over-filled space.
Of no privacy.
Of no time alone. Having a hard time finding even a quiet moment to spend alone with God. Because when the quiet moments come, I'm already so tired I can't think straight. Can't comprehend anything I read. Can't even put words together in prayer.
After all that, I'm home for R & R. Maybe that should be R & R & R & R.
Rest. Relaxation. Certainly those. But also reflection and rejuvenation.
The first couple of days I just mostly slept. Finally the headache is gone. The blood pressure is back to normal. Physically, I'm already very much refreshed.
And now that I'm physically in a better place than I have been for a while, it's time to take care of the other parts of me. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual.
These have been challenging, difficult weeks. I'm tired. That doesn't even begin to describe it. Please don't misunderstand. I have no regrets about spending these last months as I have. I would do it again. I wish I could do more. But right now, my well is dry. My bucket is empty. However you want to describe it, the truth is that I am drained. My battery is dead!
One of our sons had to replace the battery in his truck this week. When the truck wouldn't start and he had the battery checked, he was told "I've never seen a battery this dead." Or something like that. That may not be an exact quote. But it certainly describes my "condition". So, I've taken a break not a moment too soon.
This morning I read Psalm 51. Certainly my circumstances are quite different from David's. But I find myself praying with him....."make me to hear joy and gladness.....renew a right spirit.......restore the joy." I was encouraged by these words from Isaiah 40....."Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired......He gives strength to the weary."
I'm refreshed and renewed today as I turn my focus away from circumstances and focus on things for which I am thankful.....some of the gifts from a gracious God that are renewing me even now.
Snuggling in my very own worn-out comfy chair with my sweet Molly next to me.
Hummingbirds at the feeder.
Cardinals on the porch rail.
The beautiful greenness of summer in the mountains.
Music. (Right now it's Haydn's Symphony No. 95 in C Minor softly in the background.)
My Bible next to me. My notebook. My pens and pencils.
Coffee.
Especially I'm thankful today for my precious husband who brought me home to rest and recharge my battery. Who went back to care for his parents. What a gift he is to them. And to me.
And I am grateful for my Lord who refreshes me.
Who invites me to cast all my cares on Him because He cares for me. (1 Peter 5:7)
Who tells me to be still.....to know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10)
Who calls me to Himself. "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28 NASB)
How very grateful I am. Even for the circumstances that have caused this extreme weariness. Not grateful for Alzheimer's, but grateful for the opportunity to care for my mother-in-law. Grateful even for the weariness that has produced. Because without it, would I have become quite so aware of my need for rest. Quite so aware of how I try to do so many things in my own strength. Would I have had such a grateful heart as I do today?
I don't know. But this I do know. I am so very grateful for all the lessons I am learning through this experience. Tired, but so very grateful.
After nearly 3 months of caregiving.
Of not enough sleep.
Of stress.
Of dealing with Alzheimer's.
Of being away from home.
Of hardly a moment to myself.
Of tiredness that has no words. That can't even be described.
Of living out of a suitcase. Not literally, but of living trying to make my stuff fit into someone else's already over-filled space.
Of no privacy.
Of no time alone. Having a hard time finding even a quiet moment to spend alone with God. Because when the quiet moments come, I'm already so tired I can't think straight. Can't comprehend anything I read. Can't even put words together in prayer.
After all that, I'm home for R & R. Maybe that should be R & R & R & R.
Rest. Relaxation. Certainly those. But also reflection and rejuvenation.
The first couple of days I just mostly slept. Finally the headache is gone. The blood pressure is back to normal. Physically, I'm already very much refreshed.
And now that I'm physically in a better place than I have been for a while, it's time to take care of the other parts of me. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual.
These have been challenging, difficult weeks. I'm tired. That doesn't even begin to describe it. Please don't misunderstand. I have no regrets about spending these last months as I have. I would do it again. I wish I could do more. But right now, my well is dry. My bucket is empty. However you want to describe it, the truth is that I am drained. My battery is dead!
One of our sons had to replace the battery in his truck this week. When the truck wouldn't start and he had the battery checked, he was told "I've never seen a battery this dead." Or something like that. That may not be an exact quote. But it certainly describes my "condition". So, I've taken a break not a moment too soon.
This morning I read Psalm 51. Certainly my circumstances are quite different from David's. But I find myself praying with him....."make me to hear joy and gladness.....renew a right spirit.......restore the joy." I was encouraged by these words from Isaiah 40....."Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired......He gives strength to the weary."
I'm refreshed and renewed today as I turn my focus away from circumstances and focus on things for which I am thankful.....some of the gifts from a gracious God that are renewing me even now.
Snuggling in my very own worn-out comfy chair with my sweet Molly next to me.
Hummingbirds at the feeder.
Cardinals on the porch rail.
The beautiful greenness of summer in the mountains.
Music. (Right now it's Haydn's Symphony No. 95 in C Minor softly in the background.)
My Bible next to me. My notebook. My pens and pencils.
Coffee.
Especially I'm thankful today for my precious husband who brought me home to rest and recharge my battery. Who went back to care for his parents. What a gift he is to them. And to me.
And I am grateful for my Lord who refreshes me.
Who invites me to cast all my cares on Him because He cares for me. (1 Peter 5:7)
Who tells me to be still.....to know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10)
Who calls me to Himself. "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28 NASB)
How very grateful I am. Even for the circumstances that have caused this extreme weariness. Not grateful for Alzheimer's, but grateful for the opportunity to care for my mother-in-law. Grateful even for the weariness that has produced. Because without it, would I have become quite so aware of my need for rest. Quite so aware of how I try to do so many things in my own strength. Would I have had such a grateful heart as I do today?
I don't know. But this I do know. I am so very grateful for all the lessons I am learning through this experience. Tired, but so very grateful.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Happy Birthday, Brandon!
Today is a special day! On this day, thirty-four years ago, I awoke at 4:06 AM, arrived at Baptist Hospital at 4:30 AM, and at 5:17 gave birth to a precious bundle of joy that we named Brandon Patrick. At that moment, 5:17 AM, I forgot all about the "morning sickness" (all nine months, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week of "morning" sickness!!) and I forgot all about the weeks of bed rest. I forgot all about the fear that had consumed me when I heard the doctor say, a few weeks previously, "Honey, I don't want you to worry but you could have a stroke." I forgot all about the pain I had been feeling just moments earlier.
At that moment, 5:17 AM on June 28, 1978, I forgot about everything except the joy I was feeling right then. The joy at having another son. The anticipation of what he would be like as he grew up. Looking forward to introducing him to his big brother. Seeing the delight on his father's face. Praising God for this special gift.
At that moment, I forgot about all the sadness of days gone by when we were told we would never have children. I was rejoicing that, once again, God had shown that He is in control. That He is a sovereign God. That He answers prayer.
Today I'm traveling down memory lane. Remembering the events of that day, the day that Brandon was born. And remembering him as a little boy. Remembering curly blonde hair and a smile that would light up the room.
Remembering the laughter and the joy that this precious baby boy brought to our lives.
I'm remembering his first day in kindergarten (and how I cried when I left him there!). I'm remembering his violin lessons. And basketball games. And track meets. Graduation from high school. How hard it was to leave him at college in Florida and drive back to Connecticut. The day he graduated from college. The day he got married. The day he became a parent.
I'm bursting with pride today as I reflect on the journey of his life. I am so incredibly proud of the man he has become. A great husband and dad. An outstanding coach. A role model for the students he teaches and coaches. A Godly man. A man after God's own heart.
With a very grateful heart, I thank God today for both my sons. I am blessed beyond measure that God entrusted them to me. I am so proud of them. And today, on his birthday, I pray especially for Brandon. I'm praying that he will continue to keep his eyes fixed on Jesus. That he will continue to "grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."(2 Peter 3:18)
Happy Birthday, Brandon. I love you.
At that moment, 5:17 AM on June 28, 1978, I forgot about everything except the joy I was feeling right then. The joy at having another son. The anticipation of what he would be like as he grew up. Looking forward to introducing him to his big brother. Seeing the delight on his father's face. Praising God for this special gift.
At that moment, I forgot about all the sadness of days gone by when we were told we would never have children. I was rejoicing that, once again, God had shown that He is in control. That He is a sovereign God. That He answers prayer.
Today I'm traveling down memory lane. Remembering the events of that day, the day that Brandon was born. And remembering him as a little boy. Remembering curly blonde hair and a smile that would light up the room.
Remembering the laughter and the joy that this precious baby boy brought to our lives.
I'm remembering his first day in kindergarten (and how I cried when I left him there!). I'm remembering his violin lessons. And basketball games. And track meets. Graduation from high school. How hard it was to leave him at college in Florida and drive back to Connecticut. The day he graduated from college. The day he got married. The day he became a parent.
I'm bursting with pride today as I reflect on the journey of his life. I am so incredibly proud of the man he has become. A great husband and dad. An outstanding coach. A role model for the students he teaches and coaches. A Godly man. A man after God's own heart.
With a very grateful heart, I thank God today for both my sons. I am blessed beyond measure that God entrusted them to me. I am so proud of them. And today, on his birthday, I pray especially for Brandon. I'm praying that he will continue to keep his eyes fixed on Jesus. That he will continue to "grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."(2 Peter 3:18)
Happy Birthday, Brandon. I love you.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Another Anniversary
Today is another anniversary, one I don't celebrate but rather one I remember. This morning marks the 3rd anniversary of the phone call I had dreaded but knew would one day come. This is the 3rd anniversary of the phone call that let me know my beloved Daddy had gone to be with Jesus.
I miss my Daddy so much! I know that he is now in a much better place.....in the presence of the Lord he served so faithfully and so well while on this earth.....reunited with loved ones and with his beloved Helen. But oh, how I miss him!
How I would love to hear him recite just one more poem. To tell one more joke. To sing one more song.
How I would love to sit and have just one more conversation. About politics. About current events. About the "good old days". About theology. About the Scriptures. About Jesus.
I miss my Daddy! You see, no matter how many years passed, I never outgrew being Daddy's little girl. How I would love to see the twinkle in his eyes just one more time. To have just one more hug. To hear him say "I love you" just one more time.
So, "top 'o the mornin'" to you, Daddy! I miss you. I love you. And I'll see you again someday.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day; and not to me only, but also to all who have loved His appearing." (2 Timothy 4:7-8)
I miss my Daddy so much! I know that he is now in a much better place.....in the presence of the Lord he served so faithfully and so well while on this earth.....reunited with loved ones and with his beloved Helen. But oh, how I miss him!
How I would love to hear him recite just one more poem. To tell one more joke. To sing one more song.
How I would love to sit and have just one more conversation. About politics. About current events. About the "good old days". About theology. About the Scriptures. About Jesus.
I miss my Daddy! You see, no matter how many years passed, I never outgrew being Daddy's little girl. How I would love to see the twinkle in his eyes just one more time. To have just one more hug. To hear him say "I love you" just one more time.
So, "top 'o the mornin'" to you, Daddy! I miss you. I love you. And I'll see you again someday.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day; and not to me only, but also to all who have loved His appearing." (2 Timothy 4:7-8)
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Happy Almost Anniversary!
This coming weekend marks another milestone in the journey of my life. Nearly 40 years ago - June 10, 1972 - I said "I do". For almost 40 years, my life has been shared with the man of my dreams. And what a life it has been!
We began our married life in a little house in the "Avenues" of West Columbia, SC. (If you're from Cayce/West Columbia, that will mean something to you. Otherwise, probably not!) When I say it was a "little" house, that's exactly what I mean......less than 1000 square feet. We have since lived in apartments that were larger than that house!
We had some expectations when we married. We expected to live out our days in West Columbia. (Or maybe we might move to Cayce!) We expected to move someday to a larger house. We expected that we would have children. I'm sure that back then we had other expectations as well.
In many ways, life has far exceeded our expectations.....even our wildest dreams. Over the years we have moved far beyond the boundaries of Cayce/West Columbia. Far beyond South Carolina......to Colorado and to Connecticut. To Minnesota and to Florida (talk about climate extremes!) And now we find ourselves in the mountains of North Carolina.
We have traveled to places we only read about or dreamed of visiting. All across these United States (Al has been in all 50 states; I have only been in 47!). We've visited such far away places as Tokyo and Paris. Sydney and Cairo. Edinburgh and Jerusalem. What an amazing journey we have had together!
I've said many times before that every journey has hills and valleys, smooth roads and potholes. Sometimes the scenery is beautiful. Sometimes not so much. Sometimes the road is straight. Sometimes there are curves.....bends in the road. It's all part of the journey. And we've experienced some of all of it!
Right now we're at another bend in the road. Another circumstance that was not part of our expectations. Right now we can't really see around the bend. Right now, for however long it takes, the "normal" routines of our lives are on hold as we assume the role of caregivers for Al's parents. This is a bit of a "detour" for us......but it's all part of running with endurance the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1-2). So......for right now there's a "bend in our road".
Even so, there's joy in the journey. Joy because we're right where our LORD wants us to be. Joy because we're here together.
As we have been for almost 40 years. Through thick and thin. In good times and in not-so-great. Through it all. Joy in our journey. Together.
And I wouldn't want to take this journey with anyone else!
We began our married life in a little house in the "Avenues" of West Columbia, SC. (If you're from Cayce/West Columbia, that will mean something to you. Otherwise, probably not!) When I say it was a "little" house, that's exactly what I mean......less than 1000 square feet. We have since lived in apartments that were larger than that house!
We had some expectations when we married. We expected to live out our days in West Columbia. (Or maybe we might move to Cayce!) We expected to move someday to a larger house. We expected that we would have children. I'm sure that back then we had other expectations as well.
In many ways, life has far exceeded our expectations.....even our wildest dreams. Over the years we have moved far beyond the boundaries of Cayce/West Columbia. Far beyond South Carolina......to Colorado and to Connecticut. To Minnesota and to Florida (talk about climate extremes!) And now we find ourselves in the mountains of North Carolina.
We have traveled to places we only read about or dreamed of visiting. All across these United States (Al has been in all 50 states; I have only been in 47!). We've visited such far away places as Tokyo and Paris. Sydney and Cairo. Edinburgh and Jerusalem. What an amazing journey we have had together!
I've said many times before that every journey has hills and valleys, smooth roads and potholes. Sometimes the scenery is beautiful. Sometimes not so much. Sometimes the road is straight. Sometimes there are curves.....bends in the road. It's all part of the journey. And we've experienced some of all of it!
Right now we're at another bend in the road. Another circumstance that was not part of our expectations. Right now we can't really see around the bend. Right now, for however long it takes, the "normal" routines of our lives are on hold as we assume the role of caregivers for Al's parents. This is a bit of a "detour" for us......but it's all part of running with endurance the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1-2). So......for right now there's a "bend in our road".
Even so, there's joy in the journey. Joy because we're right where our LORD wants us to be. Joy because we're here together.
As we have been for almost 40 years. Through thick and thin. In good times and in not-so-great. Through it all. Joy in our journey. Together.
And I wouldn't want to take this journey with anyone else!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)