Who Am I? Part II

I asked that question last week.  Who am I?  Who are you?

Asked another way, the question would be "how would you describe yourself?"  And, depending on how you see yourself, your answer might be different from the answer given by those who know you.

I was painfully shy as a child, except perhaps around those who knew me best.  While I am no longer that painfully shy child, I still see myself as more introvert than extrovert.

Over the years, I have taken numerous "personality tests", both in connection with my career and during my seminary classes.  Most often those tests have used the DISC model.  If you're not familiar with that test, the D and I could be described as the "extrovert" categories, whereas S and C would be associated with "introverts".  That's oversimplifying, of course, but you get the idea.

Depending, I suppose, on my mood when I took the test, the tests would determine that I was an "introverted extrovert" or an "extroverted introvert".  My highest categories are always D and C, which would seem to be exact opposites.  Sometimes one and sometimes the other would score highest.  It seems a bit schizophrenic to me, but that's how it is!

Whether I describe myself as outgoing or shy, extroverted or introverted, or anything in between, there is one word I have never used to describe myself.  I have never described myself as bold.

I like bold colors.  I like bold flavors.  But bold is not a word I would ever use to describe either my personality or my behavior.

Certainly I am opinionated.  I hold strong opinions.  And I'm not hesitant to share them, at least with people I know or with whom I have some connection.  I am far more reticent to share my opinions or any aspect of my personality with people I don't know as well.  That is way, way, way out of my comfort zone.

I wish it weren't so.  I wish I were more bold.

When I was in college I spent a summer in Michigan, working under the auspices of what was then known as the Home Mission Board, mostly working in camp settings, doing Vacation Bible Schools, and taking surveys for local churches.  The surveys were the hardest.  I had to talk to strangers!! 

As my roommate and I were having our devotions one evening, we read from Acts 4.  "And now, Lord.......grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness."  (Acts 4:31 ESV)  Of course, we didn't have the ESV back then!  We were more likely reading from the KJV back in those days.

Marilyn referred to that as "holy boldness".  That's what we prayed for that night.  It's what I still pray for.

Boldness is still not part of my comfort zone.  But bold is what I want to be.  Bold in my faith.  Bold in my witness.  That I would speak the Word of God with "all boldness" (Acts 4:31 ESV).  That I would be bold in my prayer life.  Bold.

That is not my comfort zone.  It's not how I think of myself.  It's not how I answer the "who am I?" question.  But it's what I long for!

"That words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel."  (Ephesians 6:19 ESV)