I decided, on the day before my knee replacement surgery last spring, that I would keep a diary of the experience. I made a few entries that Sunday night before surgery, and then caught it up after I got home from the hospital. Each morning I made notes on the previous day. As I was reading over those entries this week, I made an interesting discovery. Diary of a Knee Replacement could just as easily be titled Diary of Stroke Replacement!
There are strong similarities between what I experienced last spring and what I have been experiencing since November. A different set of aches and pains, to be sure, but many very similar life lessons! As I was looking back over what I wrote last spring about my experiences with knee replacement, I realized that the high points of that experience are very similar to the high points of my current journey. In each case, the still, small voice of God spoke to my spirit exactly what I needed at exactly the time I needed it!
My knee replacement journey began on a Sunday, the day before surgery. Although I was actually looking forward to the surgery, or at least to the end result, there was at the same time that natural apprehension about "going under the knife." It was during those moments that the Spirit of God whispered these words into my spirit:
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusts in Thee." (Isaiah 26:3 KJV)
I don't remember when my stroke recovery began. I have no memory of the stroke itself, and only snippets of memory for about two weeks after. But, interestingly, my very first "real memory" after the stroke was early one morning as I was waiting to be taken to breakfast. At that point in time I was not thinking clearly or understanding very much. Even so, these words came very clearly to my mind:
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusts in Thee." (Isaiah 26:3 KJV)
On the morning of surgery, our good friends Max and Becky arrived at the hospital to pray with us before surgery. In his prayer, Max included this verse, one of my favorites:
"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." (Psalm 143:8 NIV)
Those verses went in to surgery with me, giving me a sense of peace and calm to replace the apprehension. While I was in rehab, Max and Becky visited again, and once again prayed over me. I have no idea what words were prayed that day, since I was not yet understanding or remembering very much. Even so, their presence and their prayers had the same calming effect.
On Tuesday after knee replacement, I awoke feeling a little queasy and experiencing some pain, as might be expected. Even so, the physical therapist arrived to get me up and walking, which I confess I dreaded. I had a horror that the leg wouldn't hold me up and I would fall over in a heap, or that I would pass out, or that some other terrible thing was going to happen. And I just knew it would really, really hurt to stand up. (It didn't!) In the middle of all that came these words:
"Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9 NASB)
In my days in Rehab, that verse often came to mind. At that point I wasn't dealing with pain, but with a right side that was very wobbly. I was working to get my strength back. One of my worst moments was the day the therapist wanted me to ride what I refer to as a "table bike". (I have no idea if that's what it's really called!) I was asked to sit at the table, put my hands on the pedals and ride the bike. But my right hand kept falling off the pedal and I couldn't pick it up. It was a really frustrating day, one of the days I think I may have cried. But later these words gave me strength:
"Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9 NASB)
There were other challenging days. Days that were frustrating. Days I couldn't remember or understand or speak. But that verse helped me through those days. Just as it helped me through that first day after knee replacement, and all the days after.
On that day after knee replacement, even though I threw up in the process, I managed to be strong and courageous, and to get out of bed, walk across the room and back to the chair. Later that day, I was once again strong and courageous as I walked down the hall to the nurse's station and as I learned how to deal with steps.
Throughout stroke recovery, on good days and bad, I have managed to be strong and courageous. Remembering that verse got me through those early weeks, and it gets me through even now.
I recovered wonderfully from knee replacement. And I am recovering wonderfully well from my stroke. There were challenging moments following knee replacement surgery, and there are challenging and frustrating moments in my current journey. Moments when I'm aware of just how much right now I, a very independent person, have to be dependent on others. Moments when I realize that this current journey will take time, perhaps a long time. When I realize that I may never fully regain the life I had "before".
In those moments, this verse comes to mind:
"Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)
I didn't recover from knee replacement in just a few days. It took time. And that will also be true of my journey to stroke recovery. Because this is a process. A process that can't be rushed.
Through the process, God is at work in my physical body. But also in my spirit, bringing the peace and comfort that only He can give.
And so I am reminded over and over of this verse: "In every thing give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NASB)
On the good days and on the challenging days. When things are going well, and on days I just wish I could turn back the clock. On those days, and all the in between days, God is good and I have so many reasons to be thankful!
"When I understand that everything happening to me is to make me more Christlike, it resolves a great deal of anxiety." (A. W. Tozer)
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