Diary of a Knee Replacement. Pressing On.

Five weeks have now passed since I said good-bye to my old knee and hello to the new one.  In some ways, it seems hard to believe five weeks have already gone by.  At the same time, it sometimes seems like much longer.

I have come to the point in this process where frustration is rearing its ugly head.  I'm at the point where my life seems to be nothing more than physical therapy sessions and ice machines, and I'm growing weary of it all.  I'm just being honest here.  Some days are worse than others, but I often find myself wishing I could back up to about six weeks ago and just call the whole thing off!  In my head, I know that this will all be worth it.  Eventually.  But in my feelings, I'm not there yet.

Even so, I press on.  I know I'm making progress, although sometimes it seems very slow.  I know I'm able to do things for myself that I couldn't do just a couple of weeks ago.  On Thursday, Al dropped me off at the hair salon for some much needed personal maintenance.  Afterwards, we went out for lunch and then to Costco, where I pushed the cart myself all around the store.  A couple of weeks ago, I wouldn't have been able to manage any of that.  On Saturday, I went with Al to Publix where once again I pushed the cart all around the store myself.  That may not seem like a big deal to those of you with two good knees, but trust me.  It's a big deal to me.  And it's evidence that I am, in fact, making progress.

I'm beginning to do a few more household tasks, like folding laundry and dusting.  I no longer fall asleep every time I sit still for more than five minutes.  I'm sleeping better at night.  We have been out to dinner a few times.  My leg is getting stronger and bending better.  More evidence that I'm making progress.  Baby steps, but progress nonetheless.

Even so, it's a long and often frustrating process.  This morning I have yet another physical therapy appointment.  I'll ride the exercise bike for 10 or 15 minutes.  I'll do some squats.  The therapist will work on the scar tissue around my knee cap.  There will be more exercises.  Then we'll see how much I can bend today and take another measurement.  None of that will be fun, but it's all part of the process.

Just like life.  It's a process.  And it isn't always pretty or fun.  It's often frustrating and tedious. 

But the end result is worth it.



"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do:
forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 3:13-14, NASB)

A Fifty-Year Silence. A Book Review.

A Fifty-Year Silence: Love, War, and a Ruined House in France by Miranda Richmond Mouillot is the story of a young woman's quest to understand more about her family history, specifically why her grandparents didn't speak to each other for more than fifty years.

In 1948, after surviving World War II by escaping Nazi-occupied France for refugee camps in Switzerland, Anna and Armand bought an old stone house in a remote village in the South of France.  Five years later, Anna packed her bags and walked out on Armand, taking the typewriter and their children.  Aside from one brief encounter, the two never saw or spoke to each other again, never remarried, and never revealed what had divided them.  (From the back cover of the book.)

A Fifty Year Silence is the story of Anna and Armand, but it is Miranda's story as well.  It is the story of the author's journey to discover her grandparents' story and of her own coming of age.  Beginning when she was a young girl and continuing through her college years and beyond, Miranda searches for answers as she seeks to understand her family's history.

In many ways this reads more as a novel or a love story or a mystery than as a memoir.  There are many layers to the family's history, all of them complicated because ultimately it is the story of two Jews who survived the Holocaust.  Trying to understand the complicated relationship between Anna and Armand is the mystery to be solved. What went wrong?  Why such animosity between them?

This is a beautifully written family history.  Miranda, the author, grew up in Asheville, North Carolina, and was very close to her grandmother.  She eventually comes to have a close relationship with her grandfather as well.  Following her quest to understand her grandparents' story and her family history is captivating reading, and hard to put down.  Even though a memoir is not usually my first choice for reading material, I'm glad I took a chance on this one and I enjoyed it very much.

I received a copy of A Fifty Year Silence from Blogging for Books in exchange for my honest opinion.

Milestones

Milestone:  a significant event or stage in the life, progress, development, or the life of a person, nation, etc. (from dictionary.com)

We all have them.  Milestones.  Those significant events in our lives that we can look back on as events that made a difference in who we are, that contributed to our growth as individuals, or that were just a big deal in our lives.

Today is a milestone day for me.

Today marks one month since my total knee replacement surgery.  That is certainly a significant life event, one that has impacted every day of the last month and which will, I certainly hope, have a positive impact on all my future days.  This has been a challenging month.  In many ways, a frustrating month.  But today, as I mark this one month milestone, I am encouraged because I can look back and realize how far I have come in this month.  I'm certainly not where I want to be yet in terms of a fully functioning knee, but I've come a long way, and I'm stronger every day.

This is also a milestone of a different sort.  One year ago today was our last full day in the mountains.  It was on this day, one year ago, that all our furniture was loaded on a truck for the move to South Carolina.  One year ago today was our last full day in the place we had called home for more than nine years.  It was our last morning to wake up to this view:

 

 

 

I can't deny that I often miss this view.  Yet as I mark this milestone, I'm so thankful for all the experiences of this past year in our new home.  We had a wonderful nine years in the mountains.  We experienced the beauty of God's creation in remarkable ways, and during those years, God taught us much about faithfulness and trust and waiting on Him.  We learned a lot about contentment in our years in the mountains.  Those character-building lessons are what I think of most today as I mark this milestone in our lives.

 

Thinking about milestones leads me to recall the time when the Israelites crossed the Jordan River to enter the Promised Land.  You can read that account in the Old Testament book of Joshua, chapters 3 and 4.  They crossed the Jordan River very near this spot:

 

 

 

As they crossed, the priests stood in the middle of the river and the waters parted, so that the Israelites crossed the river on dry ground.  That's a pretty big deal, wouldn't you agree?  Joshua 4:1-8 tells us that after the Israelites had crossed the river, the Lord spoke to Joshua and directed that twelve stones be set up as a memorial of this river crossing.  You may be wondering why.  The answer comes in Joshua 4:22-24.

 

"Then you shall inform your children, saying 'Israel crossed this Jordan on dry ground,' .....that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the LORD is mighty, so that you may fear the LORD your God forever."  (Joshua 4:22, 24 NASB)

 



It's important that we remember.  And that we testify to God's faithfulness.  That we tell our children and our children's children what God has done in our lives.  That we bear witness of all God's goodnesses to us.

 

We may not set up actual stones.  Even so, we need to mark the milestones in our lives.  We need to remember. 

 

On this significant day in my life, I'm remembering.  I'm looking back at what God has done and giving Him thanks.  I'm also looking forward, thanking Him for what He is going to do.  Because God is always at work in our lives, if we will only open our eyes to see.

 

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name.  Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits."  (Psalm 103:1-2, NASB)

 

 

 

 



Out of Tune

In the years since I first sat on a piano bench in our living room and learned to play the brand new spinet piano my parents had purchased for me, I have had opportunity to play many pianos.  Large ones and smaller ones.  Brand new ones and older ones.  Concert grands and small spinets. 

I have played in living rooms and practice rooms.  In churches, large and small.  In gardens and under tents.  In grand concert halls and in much smaller venues.  All these places and all these instruments have something in common.  For a piano to sound its best, no matter who is playing it, it needs to be in tune.

When our younger son was about three years old, he began learning to play the violin.  Although he has since abandoned the violin in favor of the guitar, I still have very vivid memories of those early days with his tiny violin.  The first song he learned to play was Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, followed by five variations on that theme.  From the beginning notes of Twinkle to the Bach minuets that came later, all of us within earshot of Brandon's violin learned early on the importance of an instrument that is in tune.  In fact, I would venture to say that nothing sounds quite as bad as an out of tune violin!

Any musical instrument needs to be in tune to sound its best.  The writer of the hymn Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing used that analogy in this hymn line:

"Come, Thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy praise."*

For us to live life the way God intends, for us to praise Him as we should, for us to be reflecting Jesus and letting our light shine for Him (see Matthew 5:16), we need to be in tune.

However, the reality of life is that sometimes we are out of sorts.  Out of tune.  It happens because life happens.  We are tired or insecure or frustrated.  Our feelings have been hurt. We've been offended.  We're discouraged.  We're angry.  We're sad.
We're jealous.  There are any number of reasons or events or emotions that send us over the edge, and those differ from person to person.  What sends me into an emotional puddle and puts my life out of tune is likely different from what would do the same to you.

During the course of my recovery from knee replacement surgery,  I have occasionally found myself a bit out of sorts.  Out of tune.  Perhaps it's all part of the natural course of things following major surgery.  I was particularly out of tune a couple of weeks ago after that Thursday's physical therapy session was especially challenging (translation: painful).  I was tired and sore and discouraged.  I was frustrated.  And so began my out-of-tune-ness. 

Through that weekend, I didn't sleep well, which left me very tired.  Another reason to be out of tune.  I continued with my exercises, but didn't feel I was making any progress at all.  More out of tune.  I wasn't able to attend a conference I had wanted to attend. Even more out of tune.  And on and on it went.

That's a brief synopsis of what caused me to get out of tune. You may not relate to any of that. The circumstances of my life are not the same as yours. You may be out of tune because of a personal relationship.  Or a financial difficulty.  Maybe you lost your job or your spouse was laid off.  Maybe there's an issue with one of your children or your grandchildren. Maybe you were falsely accused of something.  Maybe someone you thought was your friend turned out not to be. Maybe your best friend is being anything but friendly.  Whether finances or relationships or something entirely different, you may find yourself a bit out of sorts.  Out of tune.

There are as many reasons for being out of tune as there are people.  Perhaps more.  We all have different life circumstances.  We all respond differently.

Whether we have a major meltdown or we are just a bit out of sorts, the reality of life is that from time to time each of us is a bit out of tune.  When those times come, and they will, what are we to do?

1. Read and Remember.

I am a big advocate for writing things down.  Writing down your prayer list.  Writing out your prayers.  Keeping a gratitude journal and writing down all the reasons you have for being grateful.  These out-of-tune-times prove the value of those lists.  When you are out of tune, when you are discouraged, when you are frustrated, when you feel you've hit rock bottom.......these are the times you get your journal out, not so much for writing as for reading.  In these out-of-tune-times you read back through your lists and you remember.

When you refresh your memory with all the good things about your life, with all the ways God has blessed you, and with all the good things that have happened to you, then you are encouraged.  Reading the list helps you remember God's goodness to you.  When you remember how good God has been and remember all the ways He has blessed you, your focus is turned away from your negative circumstances.

"This I recall to my mind, and therefore I have hope.  The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.  Great is your faithfulness."  (Lamentation 3:21-22 NASB)

2. Change your focus.

Often we are out of tune because we are spending so much time thinking about everything that is wrong with life.  This focus only causes us to be more out of tune.  Turn your focus away from yourself and your circumstances, and toward God. This requires a deliberate act of your will.  Choose to think differently.  Choose to change your focus.  Think about God, about His character and His ways.  Think about the names by which He is called in Scripture.  Make a deliberate effort to focus your attention toward Him and away from your circumstances.

"Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith."  (Hebrews 12:2 NASB)

3. Talk about it.

I don't mean talk about it to your friend or your neighbor or to the entire social media community.  Rather, I mean talk to the Lord about it.  Tell Him exactly how you feel, and why.  Pour out your heart to Him.  In the words of the old hymn, "Are you weary, are you heavy-hearted?  Tell it to Jesus."**

Spending time in prayer, being honest with God, is the best way I know to get your heart back in tune.

"casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."  (1 Peter 5:7 NASB)

4. Choose joy.

Make a deliberate choice, as an act of your will rather than your emotions, to choose to be joyful in spite of your circumstances.  It may take a while for your circumstances to change.  Just like a piano, the more out of tune your life is, the longer it will take to tune it.  But no matter how long it takes for circumstances to change, and even if they never do, choose joy.

Make the choice.  I've often heard Kay Arthur say we should "Philippians 4:8" everything.  It's good advice.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."  (Philippians 4:8, NASB)

I was out of tune for several days.  Remembering and refocusing and talking to the Lord helped get me back in tune. If you're feeling a little out of tune today, I'm praying these suggestions will help get you back in tune, too.


"Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  (Hebrews 4:16 NASB)


 * Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing:  words, Robert Robinson; music, John Wyeth
**Tell It to Jesus:  words and music, Edmund S. Lorenz

Thankful Tuesday. It's the Little Things.

Before we bought this house we now call home, the previous owner had made a few upgrades to the kitchen.  He had done this on the advice of his realtor, who told him the house would be easier to sell with these upgrades already in place.  Thanks to that realtor, we have some really nice granite countertops instead of the laminate ones that were in place previously.  Along with the granite countertops came a new kitchen sink, a nice under-mount one, and a really nice new faucet.  That's where the upgrading stopped, and the old, original-to-the-house, garbage disposal was left in place.

Like most older model garbage disposals, that one was loud.  Really loud.  And in the almost year that we have lived here, it only got louder.  For the past few weeks, it was so loud as to be almost unbearable.  Finally, about a week ago, I couldn't stand it any more and asked Al to just please stop using it.  (He's still doing the cooking and the clean-up while I'm recuperating.) The noise and the vibration were just more than I could stand!

Last Friday we had a new disposal installed.  Happy, happy, happy!  This one makes so little noise, you almost don't know it's running.  The difference is amazing.

A garbage disposal seems like such a little thing.  Until it becomes such a big annoyance.  Today, I'm thankful to have a garbage disposal.  I'm thankful to have a new, quiet garbage disposal. 

It's just one of many little things for which I'm thankful today.

I'm thankful to be recovering well from surgery.  I'm thankful for all the friends and family who have been so encouraging along this journey.  I'm thankful for all the above-and-beyond things my sweet husband has been doing over these last few weeks, like cooking and clean-up and laundry.  I'm thankful for the ice machine that helps keep the swelling down around my new knee. I'm thankful for every encouraging note and card and text and phone call that have come my way these last few weeks.  I'm thankful for my doctor and my physical therapist.  I'm thankful to have progressed from a walker to a cane. 

And I'm thankful for my new garbage disposal.

Just thankful.  Because even little things are a really big deal!

"In everything give thanks."  (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Diary of a Knee Replacement. Four Weeks Later

What's it like to have a knee replaced?  I can't speak for everyone who has been through this experience, but for me, the first few days following surgery were not too bad.  There was some pain, but no worse than I had experienced on a consistent basis prior to surgery.  There was some nausea, probably from the pain or the pain meds.  I was really tired. 

I spent a couple of days in the hospital, not getting much rest, since they were very closely monitoring my vital signs, especially my blood pressure, which had gone pretty low.  And being awakened at 4AM by someone wanting to draw your blood is not the way to get a good night's sleep!

Since I came home from the hospital, I have spent a lot of time sitting in a chair with ice on my knee.  I read, I nap, and I watch TV.  From time to time, I practice walking, first with the walker and now with a cane.  I do my therapy exercises.  Then I sit some more!

This is how I spend a lot of my time these days - at physical therapy.

 

 

 

 

 

If you're thinking that doesn't look like much fun, you would be exactly right.  It's no fun at all.   It's hard work.

 

That's what it's like to have a knee replaced.  Hard.

 

Everybody says it will be worth it.  The jury's still out on that one.  I'll let you know.

 

 

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NASB)



 

At All Times

 

If I were to point to one particular passage of Scripture and claim it as a "life verse", it would be this passage from Psalm 34:

"I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.  O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name together."  (Psalm 34:1,3 NASB)

It's a worthy goal, don't you think?  To bless the Lord at all times.  To praise Him continually.

However, sometimes that is easier said than done.  It's the at all times part that trips me up.

At all times means exactly that.  At all times.

Even when the world around me is falling apart.

Even when the death of a single musician, no matter how talented, can bring the world to a standstill.

Even when the world seems to have gone crazy and common sense is no longer common.

Even when politicians declare the nation of Israel to be our greatest threat to national security.

Even when they declare that grown men and innocent little girls should use the same restrooms.

Even when they pontificate that climate change is the greatest threat to our existence.

Even when the road in front of my neighborhood is being paved, making it really, really difficult to get anywhere on time.

Even when I'm struggling through another physical therapy session, trying to get this knee to bend just a few more degrees.

Even when I'm lonely.  Or hurting.  Or feeling a bit sad.  Or feeling a bit unnecessary, as my daddy used to say.

Even then.

In all those times.  In the bad times.  And the good times.  And all the in between times.

At all times.

He is "the same yesterday and today and forever."  (Hebrews 13:8 NASB)

And He is worthy of our praise.

At all times.

Because no matter what is going on in the world around us, this truth remains:

"I, the LORD, do not change."  (Malachi 3:6a NASB)