Didn’t See That Coming. Eight Years Later.

Today is my stroke-iversary. On November 15, 2016, life was normal. And the next day it wasn't.

Eight years ago, I had a brain hemorrhage. These last five years have been quite a journey.

There was the time in the hospital. I still have no memory of that.

There was thanksgiving dinner at Spartanburg Rehabilitation Institute, another thing I don't remember.

But things began to improve. My first clear memory comes from a few days after Thanksgiving. On that morning, I had a clear memory of a passage of scripture which I shared with Al and Brandon when they arrived. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusts in Thee."

That was my first clear memory. It stands out because, at that time, I couldn't speak clearly. I was wearing an eye patch because my eyes wouldn't work together. I couldn't read. I couldn't write. I couldn't always understand what was being said to me. Even so, God brought this verse very clearly to my mind. It got me through those days in rehab, and through all the days since.

From that morning forward, I made steady progress.

Eventually, I traded my eye patch for a new pair of glasses.

Several months later, I was able to teach Sunday School again. That was something I had never thought would be possible.

Since then, I've made steady improvement. When I finally graduated from speech therapy in May, 2017, my therapist told me I would continue to make improvement. I confess that I didn't really believe her. But she was right!

Since then, we have had some wonderful adventures! We have been able to travel.....

I've celebrated birthdays and Christmases and family vacations. I've even done some baking, which is a real accomplishment, since the stroke has left me very challenged with anything to do with numbers and baking requires accurate measurements. These years have been full of challenges. Of ups and downs. Of frustrations and discouragements. And of great joy. 

This has been quite a learning experience.

Learning to talk again.

Learning to read and write again.

Learning that even on that days when I struggle with those things, and I still sometimes do, God is still good.

These have been years of learning to trust.

Of learning to deal with my limitations.

Of learning that it's OK when I have to say no to some things.

Of knowing that even though I have limitations, God is still God.

God is still good.

God is still in control.

God has a plan and a purpose for all things.

Even for strokes.

I may not understand (I don't!), but that's ok.

Because God is God and I am not.

Because even in the valley, God is still God and He is still good.

Life is filled with good days and bad days, frustrating days, and encouraging days. These eight years have been years of learning and growing. It is an experience I certainly don't want to repeat, but I am thankful.

Thankful for all God has taught me, and is still teaching me, through this experience. Thankful for family and friends who have walked through this journey with me. Thankful for all the people who have prayed me through this experience.

I didn't see it coming. But it happened. And I survived.

I am a stroke survivor.

And it's all because of God's amazing grace.

"Now therefore, our God, we praise You, and praise Your glorious name." 

1 Chronicles 29:13 NASB

You’re Composing!

When I was a college student, one of the most dreaded hours of the week was Tuesday morning’s Sightsinging Class. Sometimes we sang as a group, but most often we were called on individually. Each of us was given a line from the textbook and a pitch, and then we were to sing the line correctly. A capella, of course. I can still hear Dr. Will saying, “Miss Austin, you are composing.”

Composing would have been fine in composition class, of course. But not acceptable in sightsinging class. This memory has often come to mind through the years, particularly on Wednesday nights in choir practice, and especially when there’s struggle over a section of music. I have often joked about it being “creative license”. After all, that sounds better than “mistake”. And I could often hear Dr. Will’s voice in my head. “You’re composing.”

Soloists often take some creative liberties with the music. (If you have ever heard a pop artist sing the National Anthem, you know what I mean.) But a choir, particularly when singing a passage in unison, has no such “creative license”.

Neither do we when it comes to the scriptures.

This afternoon, I am wondering how many of us are doing exactly that. Taking “creative license” with the Word of God. 

We do that every time we pick and choose the parts we like, and ignore the rest. Every time we quote it out of context. Every time we make it about us. Every time we misapply it. 

How that must grieve the heart of God. 

In order to avoid “composing”, we must read the Word. Study it. Read all of it. Not just the favorite parts. And read the Bible itself, not just books about the Bible. Not just devotional books. The Book itself. The whole Book.

Let’s stop composing. Let’s honor God by honoring His Word.

“Be diligent to present yourself to God as a worker who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth.” (2 Timothy 2:15 NASB)

Looking Forward

Almost 5 weeks have passed since I had shoulder surgery. These have been challenging weeks for sure. I had known it would be, of course, but really had no idea just how great a challenge this would be! Not only is there the pain that accompanies any surgery, but there’s the frustration of having to do everything with one hand. In my case, it’s the non-dominant hand. 

Since I am pretty much useless with my left hand, and since I’m not allowed to use the right hand/arm,  you can perhaps imagine my frustration. If not, just try having a shower using only your non-dominant hand, and that will give you a hint of what life has been like these last few weeks. Or you could just try eating with your non-dominant hand, or writing with your non-dominant hand.

Thinking about all the things that have frustrated me over these last few weeks has me also thinking about all the things I’m looking forward to. Certainly I am looking forward to being out of this sling. I’m looking forward to being able to wash and dry my hair. I’m looking forward to getting dressed without needing assistance. I’m looking forward to being able to use a pen or pencil. Which leads me to say that my husband deserves major props! He has learned to style my hair, has helped with mascara, and put in my earrings! If you see him, give him a pat on the back!

Yes, there are many things I’m looking forward to. But the thing I look forward to most has nothing to do with shoulder surgery, with rotator cuffs, or with bicep tendons. What I most look forward to is the return of the Lord Jesus Christ. I look forward to seeing my Savior face-to-face. I have no greater anticipation.

Through these last few weeks, I have had much to be thankful for. I am thankful for a great orthopedic surgeon. I am thankful for a great physical therapist. I am thankful for family and friends who have been praying for me. I’m thankful for my husband who has taken such excellent care of me. 

But I am most thankful for the gift of Jesus. I am thankful for the gift of salvation. I’m thankful for the promise of Christ’s return.

And I am looking forward to His return with great anticipation!

“Looking for the Blessed Hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus…..” - Titus 2:13                                                                                        

A Time to Remember

 

 

We spent the beginning of this Memorial Day Weekend celebrating a grandson’s graduation from high school. Memorial Day is most often recognized simply as the kick-off to the summer vacation season. But Memorial Day is so much more than!

This is a holiday which has its roots in the days following the Civil War and which began as a way to honor and remember those who had died in that war. In those days, it was known as Decoration Day. Although in recent years it has been observed much like other patriotic holidays (Independence Day and Veterans' Day) as a way to honor all the men and women who serve in our nation's military, I believe it is important to remember why we have this particular holiday.  

 

This day is so much more than a day to honor the military, as important as that is. We have Armed Forces Day (the third Saturday in May) to honor those who are now serving in our nation's military. Sadly, unless you are part of a military family or you live in a community near a military base, you may not even be aware of this holiday. And we have Veterans' Day in November to honor all those who have served in our nation's military.

This holiday, Memorial Day, is a day set aside to remember those who have died in service to our country. To remember that freedom isn't free. To remember that all those who went off to war didn't come home. Memorial Day is a day to remember.

In places like Gettysburg and Vicksburg. At Bull Run and Bunker Hill. In faraway places like Normandy and Argonne. Korea and Vietnam. Baghdad and Mosul. Kabul and Kandahar. In all these places and many more, somebody died for you. Memorial Day is a day to remember that. Somebody died for you.

As you're celebrating Memorial Day with family and friends, let's remember.

This weekend, while you're enjoying your day off from work, or your day at the beach, or your barbecue, take time to remember.

Freedom isn't free.  

Remember.

Somebody paid the ultimate price so you can enjoy all these things.

Remember.

Somebody died for you.

Remember.


"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."  (John 15:13 ESV)

The Simple Life

 

I spent last week with 39 friends in Ohio’s Amish country. We saw some beautiful scenery, we visited many interesting sites, and we ate a lot [too much] delicious food.

One of the things that most often comes to mind when thinking about the Amish is their mode of transportation. Or perhaps it’s the way they dress. When I think about the Amish and Mennonites who live in Homes County, Ohio and other similar communities around the country, the word that most often comes to mind is “simple”. They live a simple life.

The Amish and Mennonite way is one of simplicity. Simple, good food. Simple clothes. Life without many of the things we might consider necessities in the modern world.

But beyond that, the Amish and Mennonite life is a committed life. Commitment to family. Commitment to God. Commitment to what they believe about God. What I observed in the Amish and Mennonite people is that they don’t just talk about what they believe. They are willing to be thought “odd”. They are not willing to compromise their beliefs for the sake of “fitting in”.

How does that compare with typical American Christianity?

I’m not suggesting we all suddenly become Amish. Or even Mennonite.

What I am suggesting is that we can learn a lot from them. About love of God and love of family. About healthy eating. About a healthy lifestyle of fresh air, fresh food, and exercise. About knowing what we believe and why we believe it. About not being willing to compromise those beliefs. 

Perhaps it’s time for us to slow down. To reevaluate what is really important. And to live in light of it.

Not only to talk the talk, but to walk the walk.

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only.” (James 1:22 NKJV)

Out of Tune

 

In the years since I first sat on a piano bench in our living room and learned to play the brand new spinet piano my parents had purchased for me, I have had opportunity to play many pianos. Large ones and smaller ones. Brand new ones and older ones. Concert grands and small spinets.  

I have played in living rooms and practice rooms. In churches, large and small. In gardens and under tents. In grand concert halls and in much smaller venues. And even though I am no longer able to play as I once did, I am still aware that all these places and all these instruments have something in common. For a piano to sound its best, no matter who is playing it, it needs to be in tune.

When our younger son was about three years old, he began learning to play the violin. Although he has since abandoned the violin in favor of the guitar, I still have very vivid memories of those early days with his tiny violin. The first song he learned to play was Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, followed by five variations on that theme. From the beginning notes of Twinkle to the Bach minuets that came later, all of us within earshot of Brandon's violin learned early on the importance of an instrument that is in tune. In fact, I would venture to say that nothing sounds quite as bad as an out of tune violin!

Any musical instrument needs to be in tune to sound its best. The writer of the hymn Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing used that analogy in this hymn line:

"Come, Thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy praise."*

For us to live life the way God intends, for us to praise Him as we should, for us to be reflecting Jesus and letting our light shine for Him (see Matthew 5:16), we need to be in tune. Even in this culture. Even when the world seems to have gone crazy. Even when we don’t feel like it. Perhaps especially in these days.

The reality of life is that sometimes we are out of sorts. Out of tune. It happens because life happens. We are tired or insecure or frustrated. Our feelings have been hurt. We've been offended. We're discouraged. We're lonely. We're angry. We're sad. We're jealous. There are any number of reasons or events or emotions that send us over the edge, and those differ from person to person. And our emotions haven't been put on hold because of a virus. Perhaps they have been enhanced. What sends me into an emotional puddle and puts my life out of tune is likely different from what would do the same to you. But I would venture to say that we are all dealing with a roller coaster of emotions in these stressful days.

Especially since my stroke a few years ago, I sometimes find myself a bit out of sorts. Out of tune. And it happens more often than I remember it used to. Perhaps it's all part of the natural course of things following such a major trauma. Perhaps it's the fatigue that is part of stroke recovery. Perhaps it's the frustration when I can't remember things or when I get words jumbled up or when I can't do what I was once able to do. Whatever. The reality is that sometimes I'm out of tune. And since cancer entered our world, it’s even more true.

You may find yourself out of tune as well. It may be because of never-ending viruses or cancer or for some other health issue. It may be an entirely different reason. The circumstances of my life are not the same as yours. You may be out of tune because of a personal relationship. Because of a different health concern. Or a financial difficulty. Maybe you lost your job or your spouse was laid off. Maybe there's an issue with one of your children or your grandchildren. Maybe you were falsely accused of something. Maybe someone you thought was your friend turned out not to be. Maybe your best friend is being anything but friendly. 

There are as many reasons for being out of tune as there are people. Perhaps more. We all have different life circumstances. We all respond differently. 

Whether we have a major meltdown or we are just a bit out of sorts, the reality of life is that from time to time each of us is a bit out of tune. When those times come, and they will, what are we to do?

1. Read and Remember.

I am a big advocate for writing things down. (I have always been a big believer in writing things down, but especially in this post-stroke season of my life when remembering is such a challenge.) Writing down your prayer list. Writing out your prayers. Keeping a gratitude journal and writing down all the reasons you have for being grateful. These out-of-tune-times prove the value of those lists. When you are out of tune, when you are discouraged, when you are frustrated, when you feel you've hit rock bottom.......these are the times you get your journal out, not so much for writing as for reading. In these out-of-tune-times you read back through your lists and you remember.

When you refresh your memory with all the good things about your life, with all the ways God has blessed you, and with all the good things that have happened to you, then you are encouraged.  Reading the list helps you remember God's goodness to you. When you remember how good God has been and remember all the ways He has blessed you, your focus is turned away from your negative circumstances.

"This I recall to my mind, and therefore I have hope.  The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.  Great is your faithfulness."  (Lamentation 3:21-22 NASB)

2. Change your focus.

Often we are out of tune because we are spending so much time thinking about everything that is wrong with life. Maybe we are spending too much time thinking about this virus! Or about politics. Or about the economy. This focus only causes us to be more out of tune. Turn your focus away from yourself and your circumstances, and toward God. This requires a deliberate act of your will. Choose to think differently. Choose to change your focus. Think about God, about His character and His ways. Think about the names by which He is called in Scripture. Make a deliberate effort to focus your attention toward Him and away from your circumstances.

"Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith."  (Hebrews 12:2 NASB)

3. Talk about it.

I don't mean talk about it to your friend or your neighbor or to the entire social media community.  Rather, I mean talk to the Lord about it. Tell Him exactly how you feel, and why. Pour out your heart to Him. In the words of the old hymn, "Are you weary, are you heavy-hearted?  Tell it to Jesus."**

Spending time in prayer, being honest with God, is the best way I know to get your heart back in tune.

"casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."  (1 Peter 5:7 NASB)

4. Choose joy.

Make a deliberate choice, as an act of your will rather than your emotions, to choose to be joyful in spite of your circumstances. It may take a while for your circumstances to change. Just like a piano, the more out of tune your life is, the longer it will take to tune it. But no matter how long it takes for circumstances to change, and even if they never do, choose joy.

Make the choice. I've often heard Kay Arthur say we should "Philippians 4:8" everything. It's good advice.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."  (Philippians 4:8, NASB)

Remembering and refocusing and talking to the Lord always helps get me back in tune. These are the things I'm doing today to get myself back in tune. If you're feeling a little out of tune today, I'm praying these suggestions will help get you back in tune, too.


"Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  (Hebrews 4:16 NASB)


 * Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing:  words, Robert Robinson; music, John Wyeth
**Tell It to Jesus:  words and music, Edmund S. Lorenz

I Want to Pray Like That

 

Have you spent any time lately in the Old Testament book of Daniel? It's powerful stuff! My Bible Study group has been spending time studying Daniel, and today’s lesson has us looking at chapters 6 and 9. You will probably be familiar with chapter 6. It’s the story of Daniel in the lion’s den. And how did Daniel respond? He prayed. That’s chapter 9.

Daniel has a lot to say to us. About things that have already taken place. And about things that are yet to take place. And Daniel has much to say to us about prayer. If you read the first part of Daniel 9, you'll find Daniel praying.

In his book The Handwriting on the Wall, Dr. David Jeremiah says, "[Daniel’s] prayer is an example of what praying ought to be."  

And I think to myself, I want to pray like that.

Daniel began his prayer by saying, "O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments."  (Daniel 9:4 ESV)

Daniel began with praise. With adoration. With worship. Daniel knew His God. He acknowledged God as God. In notes from a previous study of Daniel, I found these words I had written in the margin:  Daniel prayed as if God is God.

I want to pray like that.

After Daniel acknowledges who God is, he goes on to the next section of his prayer, found in Daniel 9:5-15. Once he has acknowledged God, then he confesses sin, the sin of his people. He is very specific in his confession. This is a lot more than a quick "forgive us our sins" before rushing on to make a request. It's much more than a tag line at the end of a prayer: "forgive us our sins. Amen."

"We have sinned and done wrong and acted wickedly and rebelled, turning aside from your commandments and rules.  We have not listened.....To you, O Lord, belongs righteousness, but to us open shame.....because we have sinned against you."

As I read Daniel's prayer, I realize this is how we......how I.......should be praying. As we pray for our cities and our states and our families. As we pray for our nation and our world.  

I want to pray like that.

What's wrong with our nation is not about me pointing fingers at what they have done......the politicians and the pagans and the perverts. It's not about who is or isn't President. It's about what we have done. About how we as a nation have sinned and turned aside from God's way. I'm part of the nation. You are part of the nation. We as a nation have sinned against God.

Daniel worships. Daniel confesses. Only after that does Daniel make a request.

I want to pray like that.

Daniel begs forgiveness for his people. "O Lord, according to all your righteous acts, let your anger and your wrath turn away from your city Jerusalem.......O Lord, hear.  O Lord, forgive.  O Lord, pay attention and act."  (Daniel 9:16, 19 ESV)

I want to pray like that.

Daniel's prayer was not about Daniel. It was not Daniel-centered. Daniel was not a selfish pray-er.  The focus of Daniel's prayer was the Person and the character of God.

"For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy."  (Daniel 9:18 ESV)

I want to pray like that.

Daniel's prayer is a good example. It's a good model to follow. Especially when we're tempted to point fingers at others for all the problems we see around us. Or when we're focused on ourselves instead of on others. When we fall into the "life is all about me" trap.  

We're living in tough times. But so was Daniel. He and his people were in exile in a foreign land. Even so, his focus was not on circumstances, but on God. In spite of tough times, he continued to pray God-centered, rather than self-centered, prayers.

I want to pray like that.


"Lord, teach us to pray."  (Luke 11:1 ESV)